The moment of truth has arrived. What to do.

[Partizan]

I am in my late 30's and recently divorced. But the following can apply to anyone coming off a long dry spell.

When I separated from my wife last year, I took a break from women and went on a long hiatus. During that time, I took the opportunity to immerse myself into studying (but not directly applying) the DJ ways. I went on adventures and did lots of traveling to cool places. I did a lot of reading. I took up hobbies that occupied my time. I hit the gym. I upgraded my wardrobe. Basically, I made myself a more interesting and more attractive person. During that entire time, I was studying the content of this site, reading the forums, and learning the attitude it takes to be a DJ.

After my divorce became official recently, I was ready to go. I hit the streets with all that preparation and put it all to the test by doing approaches.

Fellas, this **** works. I can tell you first hand. There have been rejections of course, but overall, the women are coming.

So what's the problem you ask? Well, here it is. I haven't had sex in a long damn time. Didn't have it during my separation and barely had it in the latter years of my failed marriage.

I am nervous as hell. This girl I'm seeing has sky high IL and is coming over this week to watch a movie. We all know what that means. I am afraid of failing to perform after such a long time off. Or worse yet, being so nervous that I'm not able to get it up. After all the DJ traits I've displayed with this girl, that would be disastrous.

What would you guys who have come off a dry spell recommend here? Drink? Pop a blue pill as a fail safe measure?

 

[GotED?]

Hey mate,

I know your feeing - I was divorced like you and quite naive and innocent in the sexual arena. However, you should give yourself a bit more breathing space - unlike most men on here, I am not on the prowl to bag the woman in the bed at first opportunity it comes. Sometimes that is the most disastrous thing to do because if you are with a quality woman (not a slut type at least), that unspoken pressure for her to give it up to you can ruin a good potential LTR if that is what you are seeking.

Personally I am quite a DJ outwardly as you have described, I spent the years after my divorce to get it right and I agree, this sh!t works (be selective though with advice here of course). I am also a deeply reserved and conservative man - though outwardly women think I am a player at first because of my smoothness and charm. So I don't even try to bag woman when they trust me enough to be in an intimate situation such as coming to my place or going to her place.

A lot of guys on here will say you must escalate at all cost or else you will lose her interest. I tend to think differently - if you TRULY have your game 100% and have no worries about walking away from a woman at anytime, a woman who is hot for you WILL NEVER LOSE THAT INTEREST regardless of what you do and given that you both are looking for a quality product together (LTR). If she is a good woman, she will actually respect your ability and discipline to not try to rape her each time you meet her in an intimate space. She will actually be DYING for that built up of sexual tension to be released in the end when it does actually happen.

So I make a woman qualify herself before I even give her any physical escalation, sometimes I don't attempt to hold her hand even after the 3rd meeting. I am also, like you, nervous in bed with a new partner - but to me, once I established a connection with a woman that is meaningful, and she is happy to take the time to do so (she wants a good LTR as well), then it is SOOOOO much more easier and comfortable to get it on in bed for the first time after emotional intimacy has been established to a certain degree.

I have never done ONS, and never will - as I find that very empty and hollow. I seek deeper experiences in life with women, and other men have their own choices and that is all good. I am only sharing this because I think you can benefit from other non-conventional advice apart from what mostly gets posted here to do her and get her snatch or else you are doomed. Not true.

Be well.

Exodus

 

[Sofomore]

Hey man sorry to hear about the divorce. Good for you for hitting the gym and generally improving your life. That's the hardest part about all of this DJ info.

Remember how nervous you were right before losing your virginity? That feeling of not knowing how poorly you would perform and all the "what ifs". You're going through that right now. Remember how afterwards you were like "wow that was nowhere near as bad as I expected". You will have to grab your balls and just do it, and the giant weight will be lifted off your shoulders. No other way to do it.

The only solution is to just feel the fear and do it anyways.

I can't say much about the ED but maybe when things are getting hot and heavy say you want some water and pop a pill. Only if it's 100% youre going to get laid...don't want to be horny as hell and not get any.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Perhaps I'm alone in this, but unless you suddenly forgot how to have sex, why would you be nervous about having it again? I didn't have sex for the first time until I was 23, but when I did I knew instinctively what to do (plus had studied up on it for years beforehand); the last major drought I had was going 13 months with no sex, and sure enough, when presented with the opportunity again the instinct took over and I got the job done.

Sooooo, what's the REAL worry here? It sounds more like you're worried about trying to go for a relationship with this chick and having THAT fail (which would make sense since you got divorced); the actual act of sex, however, hasn't changed much since you last had it: lick here, stick there, make moan, orgasm, then repeat. What is there to be nervous about? And if you're afraid of bedroom performance, don't be - each girl is different and takes time to learn, so even if your first up-to-bat isn't completely out of the park, you BOTH have to learn each other before the real sex sparks start. Heck, for all you know she could end up being terrible too!

 

[Die Hard]

This is where a prostitute may come in handy. I had a long dry spell in the past and was also very nervous about doing it with a new girl again, I had the same worries that you have.

So I just practised on a prostitute. You don't feel a need to perform with her, she's there to help YOU. You can do what you want there, try to mimic certain situations you encounter during sex with a "real" girl. Plus, you can find yourself a HB9 prostitute, who's more beautiful than the girl you fvck in real life. So when you have sex with the "real" girl, you'll think to yourself: "Pff, I recently had great sex with a girl who was hotter than you...", boosting your confidence.

You should really consider it. I know how some guys will feel low about fvcking a prostitute, like you should be able to get sex without paying someone for it blah blah blah. But in this case, you're not doing it coz you can't get sex elsewhere. You're doing it for practise, you're doing it to prepare yourself for "real" sex.

 

[abe0]

Imagine with one woman for 31 years...24 married...and suddenly find yourself in your shoes. I can understand the apprehension. My first time after my x....was a great experience...it was WOW!!! Do not worry about the sex. The getting to it is where my apprehension laid.
Have a glass of wine before...have some appetizers for her plus wine. Talk ...relax...find the opportunity to kiss.
Sooo, movie is on and she is sitting next to you...arms around hers...caressing her arm, hand, ..next thing you know she turns to you and you start making out kissing her neck, lips....The next thing is your hands are wondering towards her side of her breasts...mid breasts....maybe starting to sneak under the bra....or caressing her thighs and eventually sneaking in closer to her p#ssy...do not rush....take your long sweat time to get her juices going. I have found that if you take your time you will go a lot further.
Once you got this far you will have a nice hard on...believe me. If she lets get this far...the rest is easy either she will let you go all the way or she will slow you down. Do not let the slow you down stop you from re attempting....but do note be a dog and force it so aggressively that she will totally eject.
I will guarantee you will never see the end of the movie.
Do a search on this site....and you will find lots of info on how to create the mood and scenario. Candles are a must.....
Good Luck...you will be fine ...believe me. Give us a report next week.
Abe

 

[Yo'Mama]

Take the Viagra. It guarantees performance and will take the pressure off completely. After you've banged her the first time you'll be much less nervous about the failure to perform the next time so you won't need to keep taking it. It's magic.

 

[gravityeyelids]

Use drugs. 2 shots of whisky and a viagra and you will be good to go. Others may disagree....but still. I had the same problem. I've always kinda had performance anxiety. It wasnt as much of an issue when i had a girlfriend, but now that i'm single, it's always something in the back of my mind, so i use ED pills to take the stress off. It's much easier to game girls when you're fully confident you can perform in bed. And, after a while your confidence goes up so you dont need the pills.

And honestly....dont plan on banging this girl. Everytime i've planned on sex....it never happened. Only happens when i dont expect it. I mean obviously escalate as much as you can, but just go with the flow.

 

[Partizan]

Solid advice all around here, guys. Appreciate it. I think for this first time, I'm just gonna go with the flow and see what happens naturally. If I fail miserably, then I'll consider taking some of the more drastic measures suggested. LOL.

I especially like the point about not planning on banging the girl and just letting things happen. I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself and that's where the anxiety is coming from.

Just want to get this first bang out of the way.

 

[Mike32ct]

Don't jerk off for at least a few days before she comes over, it'll help you perform and it'll also make you mad with desire and passion for her. That way, you'll look forward to this evening as it was meant to be - by wanting to pound the hell out of her instead of worrying about what's going to happen.

^This.

 

[GotED?]

Don't jerk off for at least a few days before she comes over, it'll help you perform and it'll also make you mad with desire and passion for her. That way, you'll look forward to this evening as it was meant to be - by wanting to pound the hell out of her instead of worrying about what's going to happen.

Make sure she's 'HOT' in your eyes and give you a good hard on when you touch her, hold her, etc. Just a couple of days ago a woman I been dating on the 4th date, we held each other really close frontal hug-wise for a long time for the very first time. Damn, the hard on - I hope she got my message... non-verbally LOL.... I am sure she felt it as we were wrapped tightly front to front embraced.

That built up of sexual tension (trust me, if you feel it, she's got it worse 10 times more as women are emotional whoores) is going to be your Space Shuttle launch into her Black Hole of exploration.

Good luck.

Exodus