The meaning of not-being-outcome-dependent

[Masked_angel]

So this girl that was on/off dumps me and I take it personally. You guys know how it all continues… “my life is ruined”, “never feel happy again”, “love songs”, “depression” etc..

I even started account on sousave, even though I am not a fan of forums, and wrote a thread about it:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=157253

At the same night I went out with my friends (first time I went to a bar). Still feeling the pain from rejection, I forced myself to be happy and laugh. (I don’t drink)

On the back home I was still thinking about this girl, the pain greater than ever.

So there I was having mixed feeling deep inside and till thinking about this girl. I try to call one of my friends, no answer. I look to my right and make the decision to tab this girl sitting beside me on the shoulder.

M_A: “Do you know the difference between pub and bar?”

She looks at me and damn, never seen a girl smile that much. (Does all girls react that positive? I am below average when it comes to looks.)

As we continue on, she laughs gives a great respond and we have a great conversation. She even gave me the compliment saying that I’m very mature. (Thou I don’t know what she means)

The thing is during the whole conversation I didn’t feel any bit of nervousness or any approach anxiety, even though she was one of the most incredible hottest women I ever seen. (10 times hotter than the girl that dumped me )

Why did this happen? Why did I before not have the gut to approach a regular girl? And suddenly now approach a girl who just was hotter than my wildest dream?

My conclusion:

My feelings and focus was towards the girl that dumped me, she was the only thing a mattered to me. I had no attachment towards the girl I approached, that’s why I didn’t care, and didn’t feel any anxiety or nervousness.

So if we all find something put your feelings and focus on, we can do other stuff non-attached and don’t worry about anxiety. Perhaps thinking about a girl that dumped you isn’t the best thing, because it gives you a negative energy. But, putting your feelings and focus towards your passion, yes that would work and give you positive energy

Best regards
Masked_angel

 

[sharkbeat]

I had no attachment towards the girl I approached, that’s why I didn’t care, and didn’t feel any anxiety or nervousness.

This is correct. That's why some men can approach and drop a girl just like that. Not afraid of rejection, and no shame.

Emotion to a chick = oneitis.

 

[MisterMcGee]

sharkybear is wrong, but okay.

 

[Daddy The Pimp]

GREAT THREAD. Great realizations from your side.

Being dependent from the outcome is one of the things that ruin the conversation because you become so damn needy.

I might add something to this thread later , how to loose outcome dependence.

 

[Darth]

You know, I think a great point is made here which I've also discovered, but never seen posted, and that is that even if you don't have a girlfriend, having a girl or a type of a girl you like fixed in your mind helps with all the others.

I posted recently about the Russian girl. She was a real lady. She dressed and acted the part. Yeah, she was married, but the fact that she found me attractive was all that mattered. I want a girl like that.

Anyway, now that I knew what a real woman acts like and had her in my mind as a yardstick, I stopped really caring about what the girls I see every day think about me. I see them as people, but not necessarily as options...they make think they're hot stuff, but unless they show me that they can dress as well or behave as well as the Russian, I am certainly not going to get NERVOUS to talk to them. If anything, I feel pity because they're not up to snuff.

I've noticed a big difference in other girls' reactions to me in the last few days. They look down a lot and smile. So there must be something to this.

 

[PeeGee]

You know, I think a great point is made here which I've also discovered, but never seen posted, and that is that even if you don't have a girlfriend, having a girl or a type of a girl you like fixed in your mind helps with all the others.

I posted recently about the Russian girl. She was a real lady. She dressed and acted the part. Yeah, she was married, but the fact that she found me attractive was all that mattered. I want a girl like that.

Anyway, now that I knew what a real woman acts like and had her in my mind as a yardstick, I stopped really caring about what the girls I see every day think about me. I see them as people, but not necessarily as options...they make think they're hot stuff, but unless they show me that they can dress as well or behave as well as the Russian, I am certainly not going to get NERVOUS to talk to them. If anything, I feel pity because they're not up to snuff.

I've noticed a big difference in other girls' reactions to me in the last few days. They look down a lot and smile. So there must be something to this.

Your behaviour doesn't show submissiveness and therefore you exhibit dominant qualities. Also you may be consciously or subconsciously dismissive of them. Coupled by any sort of actual or perceived physical attractiveness on your part, it is a brutal combination