The Long Game

[londonguy89]

I've been dating this girl on and off for a while (7 months) with mixed success. We've been on 3 dates but I'd been out with her and some friends a few times before which is how the attraction started to build. Everytime we've been out together on a date I've gone in for a kiss or touched her and got what I wanted with zero resistance. I'd witnessed one of my friends coming onto her before we started dating and and she did not let him get anywhere, so I know she's not "easy" or needy. On our second date I really turned her on but she still wasn't up for going further with me. I invited her out again be text but got blank so I left her a month or two then asked her out again to see a band. We danced together I touched/held her while we were dancing, nothing too invasive, she didn't brush my hands off or move away. Later she said she had starting seeing another guy etc so she didn't want to lead me on or cheat. But she left the door open for saying she wasn't sure about him yet and she'd have to see what happened. After we had that chat 15 mins later I'm drunk and go to kiss her. No resistance and she kisses me back so I say "stop seeing him". After that she pulled back and wasn't into it anymore. All that makes her sound like a tease but hse's not that sort of girl. I've spoken to her since and she says we are still open to seeing me.

I'm wondering how to proceed. I am dating other girls etc but this girl is GF material as far as I'm concerned, I simply feel differently with her than other girls. Basically, I'm not going to give up. I don't want to seem needy to her by keeping coming on to her but at the same time I have to build something with her at some point. The friend zone is also a danger which is why I've been so direct with her in the past. I think there is something between us but I've been doing something wrong or going at her in the wrong way.

You guys have any advice about how to play the long game i.e. keeping her interest and waiting til she's available or she feels the time is right? And have I been doing something wrong in my approach?

 

[Packers2010]

to answer your question of " how to get with her" you don't. you get with other girls and leave her behind. why? because she is just using you for attention.

THINK about it. 7 months... 3 dates.. if she wanted to fook you. she could have already.

i could have give up on fate 2. though if this is one girl of many and your just keeping her in rotation when things are slow. then yeah sure give it a crack. but if not. let her go man.

 

[londonguy89]

to answer your question of " how to get with her" you don't. you get with other girls and leave her behind. why? because she is just using you for attention.

THINK about it. 7 months... 3 dates.. if she wanted to fook you. she could have already.

i could have give up on fate 2. though if this is one girl of many and your just keeping her in rotation when things are slow. then yeah sure give it a crack. but if not. let her go man.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. But she's not using me for attention I can tell when a girl is doing that. She's just unsure but I'm not sure why. I'm not being funny but it can't awlays be the case that if we don't have immediate we just move on. Sometimes it takes time to get to know someone and for a bond to build.

 

[dap]

But she left the door open for saying she wasn't sure about him yet and she'd have to see what happened. After we had that chat 15 mins later I'm drunk and go to kiss her. No resistance and she kisses me back so I say "stop seeing him". After that she pulled back and wasn't into it anymore.

What she is really saying is that she isn't sure about YOU yet. Are you willing to walk away? Or are you completely infatuated by her? She wants someone who is willing to walk away. She wants someone she has to work for. Not someone who will try month after month without much progress.

She may still be interested in you. Go no contact to find out. If not, move on. It's good that you're spinning other plates.

 

[Packers2010]

Thanks for taking the time to reply. But she's not using me for attention I can tell when a girl is doing that. She's just unsure but I'm not sure why. I'm not being funny but it can't awlays be the case that if we don't have immediate we just move on. Sometimes it takes time to get to know someone and for a bond to build.

so? why not just drop her and find someone knew?

 

[londonguy89]

What she is really saying is that she isn't sure about YOU yet. Are you willing to walk away? Or are you completely infatuated by her? She wants someone who is willing to walk away. She wants someone she has to work for. Not someone who will try month after month without much progress.

She may still be interested in you. Go no contact to find out. If not, move on. It's good that you're spinning other plates.

To be honest I could walk away but I enjoy her company and would like to build a deep bond and lasting friendship with her. Sounds gay but like I said this girl is a bit special. It might not work out but that's life. How do you think she would react if I took the pressure off and just hung out with her and focused on getting to know each other?

 

[dap]

To be honest I could walk away but I enjoy her company and would like to build a deep bond and lasting friendship with her. Sounds gay but like I said this girl is a bit special. It might not work out but that's life. How do you think she would react if I took the pressure off and just hung out with her and focused on getting to know each other?

Frankly, that would be awful. The problem isn't that she feels the pressure is too high. The problem is that she isn't sure if she is attracted to you. Why? Because she gets the sense that you are the kind of guy that WON'T walk away. I understand that you say that you could, and I believe you (seriously). But SHE doesn't believe you, and this is killing attraction. So, go no contact. If she reaches out, then you have a shot at rebuilding attraction. You MUST have rock solid attraction before you can "focus on getting to know each other," unless the goal is to be her friend.

 

[londonguy89]

Frankly, that would be awful. The problem isn't that she feels the pressure is too high. The problem is that she isn't sure if she is attracted to you. Why? Because she gets the sense that you are the kind of guy that WON'T walk away. I understand that you say that you could, and I believe you (seriously). But SHE doesn't believe you, and this is killing attraction. So, go no contact. If she reaches out, then you have a shot at rebuilding attraction. You MUST have rock solid attraction before you can "focus on getting to know each other," unless the goal is to be her friend.

Cheers for the advice. To be honest in my experience girls never make contact first and always expect a guy to do the running. If I go no contact I will not see her again. I think I will deprive her of romantic interest and see where that gets me. She won't get many more chances.

 

[donking]

interested girls ALWAYS intiate contact. you haven't had a girl really into you yet.

 

[dap]

I think I will deprive her of romantic interest and see where that gets me.

So in other words, start treating her like a friend? That will lead to friendship.