The loneliest hole

[TonyBaloney]

God I am kicking myself that I only recently found the DJ forum. I could have been saved a whole lot of heartache.

I am 4 months into NC from a BPD. It was a long on/off for 3.5 years and was a back and forth drama - amazed that I stayed sane!!!! I have posted about this previously.

The trouble that I'm finding in my recovery is -
1) Paranoia that our outrageous sex life could be exposed to the general bar fly population of this town.
2) The shame of probable multiple cheats from her (i dont drink in the town i live in as a policy from days of old never to **** on your own doorstep) so have no idea whos banged her - knew that other guys went over as i found rollin papers at hers and she dont smoke....
3) Belief system shattered - thought that cos the sex was so good, and conversation good that it would all come good........ now i see how deluded i've been.....

Sad thing is, i've always played, but with that soft spot for caring about my conquests.... Its a real gutter now knowing that it wasnt as i imagined, it was a nightmare of a medical condition that i was dealing with....... I feel cheated out of time and humiliated.......

B t w - distant relationship with daddy......... Thanks to SS for teaching me a lesson late into my DJ career :crazy:

 

[bigneil]

The cure for a BPD woman is to find a stripper who is attracted to you. Go shop around at a few places and even the ones who fake it along the way will boost your ego. Having been with a soul-sucking BPD girl, you'll gravitate to a warm-hearted woman and her scent will (slowly but surely) heal you.

 

[Blackmm]

Interesting topic title. My first thought was the one that was exit only.