The line between neediness and saying your true thoughts

[SayWhat]

Hi all

I'm having trouble finding the line between being needy and saying what you really mean.

You can be non needy, but I tend to think this includes not saying stuff like that you missed her, that something upsets me with what she is doing,...

Is it fine to say you missed her, that you're mad that she didn't do something the way you wanted it, that she talked a bit too much with another guy,...

When does it become needy?

 

[jurry]

Hard to say specifically unless you give more info, it depends on what kind of frame it is coming from.

If it coming from a weak desperate frame where you have everything invested in a girl and will be ruined if you dont see her soon or if she talks to a certain guy then this is needy, vaginal drying behavior.

If it is coming from a strong or playful frame, teasing about how long since youve seen her or directly telling her not to do xyz again in a way that makes it clear you are on your way out if she doesnt shape up then this is obviously not needy.

This leads us back into the boundary shenanigans of course, and personally unless the thing she is doing that bothers you is relatively minor I wouldnt be bothering with a discussion id be distancing myself and looking for new girls.

 

[El Payaso]

Yeah, it depends on what frame the man is coming from.

You have to be more specific.

 

[SayWhat]

Okay thanks, sounds obvious.

But what about apologizing to her because you knew you acted stupid? Or just pretend nothing happened and forget about it?

 

[stevo]

Let's not lose our heads. As DJs we are men with super powers however key word being men.


It is what you want it to be. Being needy is not saying "I miss you". Being needy is displaying actions/words that reflect "no life" away from that person while being in continuous contact with that person.


"No Life" could mean going to do something fun but thinking about her the whole time rather than living.




So to answer your qxtn, do you miss her? if she's qualified herself as who's worthy of you telling, tell her as long as she's told you many more times.


As to sharing your thoughts. Thats the tricky one.


We've realized action speak louder than words and less is more.


Your thoughts are powerful and a huge reflection of who you are, not a lot of people should know what's in your head.


Some things are better communicated over actions than words (not accepting disrespect) (going ghost) (Letting her chase) (Letting her do more)


Some things are better communicated by words than actions (dont wait till she cheats to tell her you want exclusivity if its a LTR) (Dont slap her if she pops a gum when she doesnt know the sound disgusts you)




To your second qxtn:

Why do you think what you did was stupid? why did you do something stupid?

Anyways people make mistakes. Use the "sorry" sparingly. If you fcuked up big time (like insult her father to his face) ofcourse apologize. If its something less serious, "my bad", "my day was just long" or whatever else without the specific word "sorry".

Remember, if she doesnt bring it up, neither should you. If she's acting weird as a result of it (that's her indirectly bringing it up) you should address it.