The limerence red flag

[jhonny9546]

There are many important red flags, but this one is never talked about enough: the excessive ease with which a certain person develops crushes or falls into limerence for someone.

In one scenario, it could be personality related that is, nice guys might have it because they have to "sacrifice" themselves for someone but in other scenarios, such as personality disorders, borderline , etc., it could be incurable, or rather, very difficult to normalize.

That's why I'm asking everyone if and how you've ever had experiences with women who fell into limerence too easily, even when they were already in relationships with men.

Since the purpose of this forum is seduction, we also want to understand what happens on the other side, where you're in a committed relationship with a woman and she might tick many boxes, but let's say that in the third year of the relationship, she falls into limerence for someone, and recovers after a few months.
You know how it works, right?

She starts acting out, becoming distant, strange, etc.

So, this trait is one of the most important to filter out in a potential long term partner: what is their ability to resist and avoid falling into limerence?

We can talk about borderlines who will cheat, and perhaps use fantastic sex with you to cover it up.

We can talk about the more normalized ones, who will still exhibit very strange behavior.

But we are men and we need to know how to behave. In ltr, this could happen.

Women are emotional. But how do you know you've filtered the right one when they're "caught," but they'll behave in such a way as to remain centered?

To give you an example of something I don't consider correct but which nevertheless had a "normalizing" outcome, was watching a friend of mine's LTR: his girlfriend, having developed a crush on another man, started acting out toward him for about three months. He distanced himself a bit, and once the crush passed, she refocused on the relationship and "blocked" the other guy... (it all started on social media/

Now it's been 4 years, they're still happy together, but there was this moment of weakness on his part.
(She didn't cheat.)


In that case, I'm more than sure you would have left the relationship.

She stayed and maintains his respect.
She seems to respect him even more than before.

At the end He aknowledged the fact saying "She's weak, but not bad hearted"

Infact, She's weak on that topic.
But overall you wont find this kind of woman elsewhere: no drama, no materialism, etc.. its rare.


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Coming to our point, do you think it's normal to experience limerence in your life, like Nice Guys experience oneitis, or is it a mental condition caused by something missing in that person's life that they're therefore searching for?

What can we say about this?

Personally, I've also had crushes and limerence in the past.
But I never thought this could be linked to personality disorders, mental illnesses, or other issues like trauma.

 

[bmp2cpm]

To answer your question, we need to discuss attachment styles.

The women who you can go into FWB or have as a long term plate likely have thr avoidant attachment style. We talk about how to get into these situations all the time but never talk about how they are likely an avoidant, such as fearful avoidant or dismissive avoidant.

Basically, everything on this site tells us men how to mimic a combo of both avoidant and secure attachment styles to attract and retain quality women.

Now that we got that out of the way, let’s discuss your limerence question.

“Since the purpose of this forum is seduction, we also want to understand what happens on the other side, where you're in a committed relationship with a woman and she might tick many boxes, but let's say that in the third year of the relationship, she falls into limerence for someone, and recovers after a few months.”

So fearful avoidants tend to create push/pull dynamics. Get too close and they find ways to push you away.

One push tactic is fantasy and limerence. These are the same girls that keep a back burner of male friends - you get too close she puts one on the front burner. Fantasy/limerence now begins with this male friend.

The irony is the friend helps her stay in the relationship with the boyfriend longer - she gets needs from both guys at the same time while opening an avenue to monkey branch. Her push-pull dynamic is like a ballet routine.

To ensure the woman doesn’t have limerence with another guy when she is in a relationship with you: DO NOT go into a serious relationship with a fearful avoidant. They are for fun, FWB, and plate spinning only.

If your girl is not an avoidant and she has limerence with some male friend, then you completely messed up. You lost your frame, you let your career fall by the wayside, you failed too many of her sh*t tests, you didn’t commit. In this case the fault is on you.