The LDR

[unknowngod]

Ah yes the long distance relationship. Countless have fallen to its mesmerizing fantasy powers, i myself almost did. But heres something i gave a lot of thought too, please comment. Read thoroughly so u can understand what im trying to point out.

What is honestly wrong with a long distance relationship - as long as your not desperate, its not a oneitis, and your satisfied with it. I am 16 years of age, sex isnt the top of my list at this age - im worried as hell for the consequences of it if something were too go wrong in this point of time. So if you remove sex from the picture, whats wrong with a ldr? If i spend some quality time with her every 3 months - getting to make out, having some good physical contact, having fun together, do you think that its not bad? And maybe in the future throw in sex and uve got a flourishing relationship. The argument is that its so much better short distance, but ive come to realize a problem with that. Its way too easy to spend TOO much time with one short distance, making the possibility of oneitis even greater. However LDR's can be even more addictive sometimes - but what if you learn how to control yourself entirely in it. So if i were to enter a LDR, and focused on chicks here too at the same time, not giving up self improvement and never spending too much focus on that girl and feel completely satisfied then whats wrong? An LDR when controlled is actually a brilliant idea in my opinion.

I have a friend who is a true dj with woman, whenever he wants he goes out and is the smoothest ive really ever seen, and they always fall for him. Of all the guys ive ever met and seen in my entire life, hes the most suave. Yet - he chooses to remain in a long distance relationship. He explains that the woman isnt the priority , and prefers it to be long distance so he can focus on his own thing, and still knows theres a girl on the otherside wanting him, and is so in "love" with him, yet he is unfazed. Hes always doing his own thing, focused on self improvement, he's one of the guys who woke me up from afc mode along with this site and has helped me a lot, im extremely glad i know him. I thought about it alot, and actually thought it great to follow his footsteps, after realizing his reasoning and analyzing other viewpoints on LDR's.

The major downside many people see in an LDR, is usually the more then often occurence of women losing interest because ur unable to compete with the physical part. Other men being around her in the physical sense can be much more powerful because u simply arent there. But what if you spent such an awesome time when u were together, that she was left screaming for more, and if u always managed to stimulate her interest through the distance, and knowing that shes always showing signs of interest. And if you realize that your the great catch - and if she decided to leave you for someone else then it would be her big loss and your strong enough as a man to be untouched by her leaving.

Bottomline: If your not desperate, and youve managed to strike the high interest of a very worthwhile chick, and you can control yourself in an ltr, especially through long distance and still realize woman is not the focus, but yourself, then whats wrong? I'm a big fan of Pook's works, theyve helped me out the most of everything ive tried here. My reasoning is highly influenced from some of the ideas of pook and my friend i spoke about. What do u think?

 

[unknowngod]

bump

Some comments, opposing viewpoints, please

 

[Warlord]

Long Distance Relationships can work if you plan to see each other at least a whole weekend once every 2-3 weeks. There are some LDRs that exist because two people are living fantasies and it's comfortable to be intimate with someone you do not see more than once a week. I tend to believe that usually lonely people are willing to do long distance relationships through online chat/email/etc, never meeting each other up until 3-6 months down the road from which they find out that they've been wasting a lot of time doing nothing for nothing.

There are people out there like yourself who "rationalize" LTRs or even bad relationships. You got one life to live, I rather live in doubt than live in fantasy.

 

[unknowngod]

i agree with you whole heartedly that there isnt a substitute to face-face, no doubt about that at all. And it is very easy to develop fantasy-like habits, i almost fell to that but rebounded well. Ive told her countless times the risks of a ldr, the minor downsides, etc, and she still believes it will work and wants it ever so badly (typical woman thinking, or does she really wana hit it off?). Anyway i decided to rationalize it not just for my situation but it seems to make sense to me when i consider different viewpoints.I do understand where ur comin from tho. I am still comfortable with an ldr ive been working on, because my situation is slightly different.

No its not different by "oh you dont know us man, we love each other so much", none of that crap that would be bs. But my situation goes like this - shes of the same ethnicity and have known her since childhood. Now not in a friendship type way (that would be shaky from the start), but since childhood i mean that i knew her briefly and she used to live here, and we hit it off excellent lately. Im considering it because im confident i can control myself and not develop a one-itis ( im takin it extra slow too, i told her no further progress until we get to see each other again in person). Im willing to focus on other chicks too, not at all in a cheating type way - just self improvement etc. Also even if things werent to work out with her, the idea of ldr still appeals to me. The girls of my ethnicity in my city arent too appealing, and theres not a whole lot too choose from here either, so the cities a bit further off have like jackpots (i'm not being racist or anything, but at this point in time im stickin to my own ethnicity). Anyhow, If i do it all like this, then in your opinion do you still think it's a bad judgement brothers?