The last 5%- advice appreciated.

[OnTheWayUp]

The final part of getting a girl into bed has always been a problem for me, ever since I discovered game almost 2 years ago. I'm getting really good at spotting when a girl digs my game, getting the digits, isolating, making out (my rejection rate is about 5% in 25+ attempts), and even getting the girl naked. For some reason, I have a mental block trying to go any further than this, and it's very very frustrating.

I've had oral sex/ handjobs from about 10 girls in the last year, but only f-closed one of them. The problem is simple: I can't stay hard. Even the time I had sex, I was only able to penetrate her for about 5-6 strokes before I went soft. This problem struck again yesterday evening, as the virgin I'm seeing wanted me to sleep with her- and I couldn't get it up.

I'm 21 years old, so this really should not be a problem. I discovered porn and masturbation fairly late (16-17), but it was a huge part of my daily routine in 2010 and 2011 (once, sometimes twice a day). Since the start of 2012, I have not used porn or masturbated once, but I think I have desensitised myself to stimulation from normal girls. I got used to climaxing from porn with a semi, and obviously this isn't conducive to getting hard enough to enter a girl.

Reading about erectile dysfunction on the net also suggests that a lack of exercise is one contributory factor. I did very little exercise last year, but have been to the gym 3x a week since the new year and want to make this a habit.

I'm a very highly strung guy and think/ analyse stuff a lot, even during intimate situations, and I have to try really to switch this side of my brain off during an intimate situation. I close my eyes and try and focus on the sensation of the girl next to me.... but it's hard, I feel myself putting myself under pressure to perform. The fact that my first two experiences of penetrative sex have been poor does not help.

Feeling pretty low right now, would appreciate some advice.

 

[PokerStar]

i would like to say watch a little porn before you bang out a chick. so you can keep those images fresh inside your head. but thats just bad advice.

 

[Mike32ct]

Exercise (including cardio) and no masturbation are key. I know you are already doing these, but try to be patient. It will take a while for your sex drive to build up high enough to overcome the past association you have with porn and make you REALLY turned on by a real female. So I think you are on the right track, but you need to stay on it for the long haul.

Another thing that helped me was change condom type. Standard t r o j ans are way too thick and provide little stimulation to stay hard. I switched to d u r e x extra sensitive and it helped.

Finally keep in mind that you can get plenty of girls at your age, so don't be afraid to lose some while you experiment and get yourself back on track. Give yourself permission to "fail" so you don't feel under pressure.

Also I prefer grinding or dry humping as foreplay. Head or hand j@bs barely get me hard. It's just a suggestion, though your mileage will vary.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Go tell this story to a doctor. He will write you a 3-pill rx for viagra. It's $60. Buy a pill cutter and cut the viagra in half. Then, when you have the girl naked, excuse yourself to the bathroom and dissolve the half pill under your tongue. It will take effect in 10-15 minutes, which is a good amount of foreplay time anyway.

I'm guessing that what you have wrong with you is mental, not physical. Once you have good sex a few times, then you won't need the viagra any more.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Exercise (including cardio) and no masturbation are key. I know you are already doing these, but try to be patient. It will take a while for your sex drive to build up high enough to overcome the past association you have with porn and make you REALLY turned on by a real female. So I think you are on the right track, but you need to stay on it for the long haul.

Another thing that helped me was change condom type. Standard t r o j ans are way too thick and provide little stimulation to stay hard. I switched to d u r e x extra sensitive and it helped.

Finally keep in mind that you can get plenty of girls at your age, so don't be afraid to lose some while you experiment and get yourself back on track. Give yourself permission to "fail" so you don't feel under pressure.

Also I prefer grinding or dry humping as foreplay. Head or hand j@bs barely get me hard. It's just a suggestion, though your mileage will vary.

This is great advice, thanks for the perspective. I switched to thinner condoms (durex) 6 or so months ago for precisely the reason you give. I don't particularly feel like I need medication because I do get hard sometimes and my health is otherwise very good, so it's helpful to know that I'm on the right lines and just need to be patient.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

... and I failed to get hard again last night. Part of the issue (in addition to what I said in the OP) is that the girl is really inexperienced and isn't all that great at HJs/ BJs. Really annoying.

 

[PokerStar]

what eer man. keep working at it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyMXahpRVV4

 

[megarandom]

OnTheWayUp, I tried PMing you but apparently I couldn't (your privacy is set too high?). I'm very interested in seeing how it's been going for you, because I have the EXACT same issue.

I stopped porn and masturbation shortly after you did and have been trying to see what's going on. I've been following the journals of other guys on yourbrainonporn.com and trying to stay motivated because I'm in what they call the 'flatlining' phase where I've lost all libido temporarily since stopped porn and masturbation. But I'm confident that this is the right step to take, and my mood and energy has slowly started to turn around for the better.

Dude let's keep each other motivated on this! Send me a PM if you'd like, as I'm interested to share and hear experiences on this no porn/masturbation thing.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Hey there megarandom, just changed my privacy settings so you can PM away if you want a more personal discussion than what I'm revealing on the forum.

I'm going to keep this discussion going publically as well, as I think this is an issue lots of people on here can relate to, as the emasculated age in which we leave means that lots of the men who aren't naturals with women turn to porn for a quick release. As we've both discovered, it turns out that whilst porn may provide a quick fix just a computer away, it can do damage to your libido and self-esteem.

I'm finding things are getting better too, I've relapsed only once in a month. I've been feeling very low since quitting and surprisingly emotional (don't know if you can relate?), and that hasn't really changed. My libido is returning though, and last night I got a girl to make me climax using only her mouth, which is something I've never been sensitive enough to experience before. That was cool. If she hadn't been on her period, I think we would have had sex properly as well. It seems to me that it's all a matter of doing the right things (no porn, regular exercise, no/ minimal masturbation) and then a little patience.

 

[rushing dude 123]

I had the same problem when I started out, it is just a mental thing my friend. Let me guess as soon as it's hard, you are thinking "Stay hard, stay hard PLEASE STAY hard" if you think like that of course it is going to soft. Forget about the hardness and stuff and just focus on the beautiful hot naked girl in front of you.

Tips:

1. No Masturbation. Do this and you will be getting tough wood with grandmas lol.

2. Exercise, lifts weights and get that adrenaline pumping.

3. Have a condom ready, I usually tear it a bit and put it in the pillow, so you don't have to fumble about getting one and opening it whilst your hard on is going down.

4.Foreplay, get yourself in the mood, take things very slowly. Rub your **** on her leg, kiss and suck her nipples. Forget about having sex with her just enjoy the moment. Rushing (Probs why i had this problem haha) around is not going to get you anyway.

5. Allow room for failure, don't be scared to fail, this is one of the biggest downfalls to ED in my opinion. If it happens, it happens, forget about success and failure, just be in the moment. This is the same with sports when it comes to point where they just forget about the result and they are just there, is when they become true champions and play their best.

6. Go see a doctor, they will check you up to see if anything else is wrong, but i honestly doubt it.

7. I got over mine when I just came clean to the girl and told her that sometimes i get this problem when I overthink the situation and can't be in the moment, so I just may need to kind of take this slowly. She understood and helped me through it and she later became my first girlfriend, we had great sex and I never had the problem again.

So I would probably come clean to this virgin, you could even say that when you first had sex this happened and for some reason it has come back again. So I think you just need to take our times and enjoy it. She will probs b happy with that because she is probably just as nervous as you.

Hope that helped bro.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Go heavy and big at the gym, hat stuff awake the beast inside you and the beast inside you is not bvllsh1t , knows what to do.

No masturbation and very few porn, stick to vanillas anyway.

Eat more proteins too, red meat is great for zinc as well.

The only way to stop your brain and his bvll**** is have all the blood down there, so libido...they say d1ck and brain dont work toghter, well its not always a bad thing.

 

[Chamber36]

If you can't get hard to porn you'll just need more hardcore porn!! haha!
Of course I don't know really what the psychological effects of porn are.

But I suggest you read this book: Tantra - Sexual Martial Arts And Sexercise