The "L" Word In 1 1/2 months ?

[Franky Four Fingers]

Got a Dental Hygenist, cute, around my age, calm (til now), no psycho behavior that I have seen or suspected, been dating for a little less than 2 months and she says she has fallen in love with me.

The reason I'm asking is I've been with one VERY emotionally unstable woman in the past (fits BPD profile) and she got attached pretty quick too.

I've read one of the red flags of unstable women is too quick of an attachment. However, all indicators in this case point to a person who is stable emotionally.

Any thoughts on whether I should be concerned or do you think this is "par for the course" behavior in that it's simply love?

 

[decades]

yes it's a red flag....she doesn't even know you yet and you don't know her.

 

[Mr. Me]

Around 40 and after a month and a half she's saying she loves you? LOL. It's more probably mere infatuation on her part, and maybe she's not mature about these things, but here's the deal: let her believe she's in love but don't you fall in love. Just enjoy the ride. See what happens next.

 

[thedeparted]

See Art of Seduction. The weak and needy fall in love quickest. This is a red flag.

 

[brian123]

Some people throw around the "L" word left and right, while others reserve it for close family members/spouses etc....

Yea, this is a slight red flag, but IMHO the good still outweigh the bad with this girl.

 

[Colossus]

I would call this a "yellow" flag: proceed with caution. This doesnt necessarily mean she's a whackjob. A bit needy perhaps...? Time will tell.

 

[Rounder]

I think it depends. Most of the responses have been "it's a red flag" - my take is a bit different.

How much time have you spent together? 1 night a week every week? has it escalated to 3 or more nights a week? have you talked about emotions and what you feel for each other? Have you said or agreed that you "click" or something more?

How much time have you talked on the phone? daily? several times a day? do you text at all and if so how often?

Love is different things to different people. I think people can care for someone pretty easily - especially if they are a generous giving person. Doesn't define them as weak or automatically mean they deserve a "red flag".

How often is "love" being said? Has she said it once? twice? daily? 5 times a day?

Did she say "I'm in love with you"? or "I love ya". There's a difference - at least to me.

People need to relax - if the 2 of you have spent a lot of time together then those feelings can begin to develop.

Perhaps she just wears her emotions on her sleeve and isn't afraid to take the bull by the horns.

I have 2 good friends (guys) that we occassionally say "I love you man" back and forth. Sounds gay... but it's not. They are good friends who I'd help out in anyway possible and they look out for me as well.

So - it depends. And now I'll ready myself for the beating I'm probably going to take. These are my opinions as a person.... I still consider myself to be a RAFC so take it FWIW.

 

[edger]

Haha, and what would you guys think about a woman who fell in love with you BEFORE she even met you? Lol. Such was the case with my ex who lived about 4,000 miles away from me whom I met off the internet. I'm not gonna be AFC naive either and rule out the possibility that she purposely played it up like that(that she loved me) to get a green card/U.S. citizenship, but if that was the case, then she wouldn't have broken up with me while she was still living in Europe. We were in a long-distance relationship during the time we were together. Only reason I became involved with her in the first place was because she had plans of relocating here, otherwise I would've tossed her to the curb.

 

[jophil28]

Around 40 and after a month and a half she's saying she loves you? LOL. It's more probably mere infatuation on her part, and maybe she's not mature about these things, but here's the deal: let her believe she's in love but don't you fall in love. Just enjoy the ride. See what happens next.

That is the best advice. Ignore all the "seduction" experts and the pulp psych books. They exist to sell books to the gullible.
Women say all manner of things to describe their feelings.
Her saying ,' I love you " is NOT a "red flag" it is merely a statement of strong affection from a woman who is infatuated with a guy who is "doing it right".

IF there are no SIGNIFICANT disturbing behaviors from her, then just go with this .
After all, having a woman in you life with very high interest level is a very GOOD thing.

 

[decades]

there is never any disturbing behavior after a month and half. it comes after about 3 to 6 months. That's why you have to look for more subtle signs of problems, like someone saying I love you after 6 weeks.

 

[jophil28]

there is never any disturbing behavior after a month and half.

THat is true EXCEPT with a BPD/HPD woman. WIth one of them, 4-6 weeks is when the crazy shyte starts to surface. They cannot hold up the facade any longer.

 

[decades]

I guess we can agree to disagree on this one. You do see some cracks in the facade after a month or so. Like if she has a tendency to drink too much, you will usually see those signs, but only in the context of you two having fun and being the "perfect" couple. You also may see some subtle signs in how they treat other people or in her feelings about her parents or friends. A careful observer will notice something is a bit "off" about her that you can't quite place.

It is in these first couple of months that she is still drawing you in with her wounded dove story. And treating you like a King. The real devaluation (of you) starts after the hook is firmly set imo. Most literature and testimony I have read here and other places, suggests that they can hold it together in the "idealization phase" for between 3 and 6 months, closer to 6, before they turn on you without notice. And my own experience with two of them suggests that's about the right number. It's hard to get hooked after only a month. But that's just how most guys get into deep do do -- by getting hooked. Only then does she being the devaluation phase and the "pushing away" begins in earnest.

To the original poster: imo it's only one red flag and simply warrants your acknowledgment and vigilance. Let her pretend to fall in love, as long as you make sure not to...pretend or otherwise, until you actually know this person a year at least.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Any thoughts on whether I should be concerned"

If a lifetime AFC like Collossus is telling you its a yellow flag and to proceed with caution then I'd be scared out of my mind of this chick if I was you.

So yeah I definitely agree with persistant exaction and the others who are telling you she's got more red flags than communist China and Soviet Russia combined. :nervous:

"Glad to see you've grown up and moved to insulting me publicly now, KX. Big man."

Hey you vomited your garbage and called me out a few threads ago so fair is fair kiddo.

Keep your mouth shut from now on and we'll call it even.

 

[Buck Rogers]

As long as you dont say it back, theres no real problem.

Proceed with caution

 

[Colossus]

Glad to see you've grown up and moved to insulting me publicly now, KX. Big man.

 

[Luveno]

Why must one word hold so much control and distress and power? It's one word. It's meaningless.