the joke's on me

[quintessential]

About 4 nights ago I was feeling good about myself and the present moment so I decided to talk to this girl who works next door (we have talked before but not for a while). Instead of going through her line, I went to this other girl. So then the girl I wanted to talk to was busy and I left. Before I left the parking lot though, I decided to leave a note on her car with a simple "HI!-the intriguing guy from next door". So anyway, I was in a care-free state of mind and didn't care what happened. Well, two nights ago, I went to her line and she said,"Hi". I said,"Hi" then,"Did you get the message?" She asked,"What are you talking about?"...Like the note fell off and she never got it. She was smiling really big and made it a point to say this older girl (24 or 25)...."Did you hear what he just said? He put a note on my car". I said,"Well, I just said Hello. It's not a big deal." Anyway, I could tell she was getting a rise out of it all and thought I was a dork probably even though she was kind of nice before and would actually initiate talks with me. So as I was leaving, I looked back at her and she was laughing and joking...and I know it had to be about me. I was so repulsed. Her ego had become so big that she wasn't cute anymore. I left one last note before I left,"ok. sorry to have bothered/repulsed you. really, I was just trying to be nice but I guess that was my mistake (drawing of a smiley face). Have a great night!" I feel like I'm the better person in the situation anyway. It is absurd that she even has the liberty to laugh at me and it is absurd that it is I, not her, who will be lonely. Oh well, death will be consolation enough. After all, it appears that I am just a hideous, uninteresting mongoloid and she is a perfectly symmetrical genius. The thought builds nausea the longer it is dwelled upon.
ORDINARILY, I would not leave notes or any of that wimpy grade school bs...but I had higher expectations for some reason and didn't assume any ridicule would come of it. Why are they such egomaniacs? It was like I was supposed to feel stupid for even conceiving the notion that I could talk to her. .....There are never enough bad things to say. How does this happen so consistently? (The whole thing is laughable and it's her loss but I feel like sh!t)

 

[mitraz]

Come on man. Don't leave notes.

Really. Dont.

 

[Unregistered]

That witch! You should shoot a spitball at her the next time you see her!

 

[FlyGuy]

Dude, don't leave notes. You're right in that something like this SHOULD be acceptable but because of Society's rules, leaving notes will never be really acceptable for people older than 12 or so. Just accept this fact and don't do it anymore.

 

[vectorz]

I read somewhere that George Clooney picked up a chick in Hollywood by leaving a note on her windshield. But then again, you're not George Clooney.

 

[xblitz44x]

I think you guys are missing the boat. The NOTE wasn't the blame. Well, for the most part anyway. The Geoge Cloony thing was a PERFECT example. Quintessential, lets first get this out of the way. Your ego took a hit. Try as best as you can to understand that the reason she was unattracted to you had NOTHING to do with who you really are, but instead her perceptions of you. She has a perception of you based on her first glance of you...she either straps attraction to you, or she doesn't. You cant' really change that so rest easy knowing that it was all in HER mind.

In fact, guys would feel so much better about rejection if they learned exactly what is going on with attraction. Check out www.seducingwomen101.com if you want answers. Might be the best read of your life.

Anyway, if you were 'gorgeous' to HER, and she was attracted to you, the note would have been "cute". At the very least, you could have pulled it off. Don't feel bad about yourself, because in the store next to that one you'll find a girl that digs you. Just be real.

-Blitz

 

[krd]

Maybe she wasn't attracted to you to begin with, but sticking a note on her car didn't help matters any, especially if you haven't talked for a while. And when you found out how badly it went over, you put a second note there--and an apology to boot! Quntessential, you've been on here for as long as I have--I know you must know this stuff. You may have been feeling carefree and all that, but that's no excuse for ignoring better judgement. Plus, if you're going to insist on apologizing, at least do it in person.

Originally posted by quintessential
After all, it appears that I am just a hideous, uninteresting mongoloid and she is a perfectly symmetrical genius. The thought builds nausea the longer it is dwelled upon.

I doubt you are that ugly. Are you being sarcastic, or do you really believe this? I'm assuming the latter, but if the former, what makes you say that? I'm not just asking because I'm curious; I actually think it would help you to ask yourself that question. Unless you've got a habit of indulging in self-analyzation (as myself), in which case, forget it.

ORDINARILY, I would not leave notes or any of that wimpy grade school bs...but I had higher expectations for some reason and didn't assume any ridicule would come of it. Why are they such egomaniacs? It was like I was supposed to feel stupid for even conceiving the notion that I could talk to her. .....There are never enough bad things to say. How does this happen so consistently? (The whole thing is laughable and it's her loss but I feel like sh!t)

Maybe it would have turned out different if you knew this girl really well, but from what you say, you hadn't talked to her in quite a while. What was it about this situtation that made you believe it to be an exception?

Are you just venting your frustrations, or do you truly not know why these kinds of things happen as consistently as you claim? If you haven't already done this (and I have reason to suspect that you have), perhaps you should really think about what is it about you that attracts such circumstances. Because the one thing consistent in all of these experiences is you. Here are some of the things that I believe prevents my own success with women: being too nice and polite, afraid to flirt and show my sexuality, skinny and non-threatening appearance, very shy, afraid of embarrassing or making a fool of myself, of bothering anybody, making them upset or think something negative about me. Does any of this sound familiar to you? If so, these might be some things you need to work on.

Of course, I may be telling you a bunch of things you already know. If that's the case then all I can really say is to keep trying. Because beyond that it's a matter of de-programming yourself out of all these negative patterns and behaviors that have been a part of your life for so long. And that is very difficult to do.

 

[htemorp]

why don't u just wear a sign that says, I am AFC.

 

[valera]

I left a note on a car once...after I hit it with my car.

 

[matius]

Bust up your posts into paragraphs. What the dealio peeps?

 

[JMack]

thats one of the gayest things ive ever heard

and that is coming from someone who doesnt even claim to have any game ....

 

[quintessential]

I think I've transcended any label with the term "Average" in it. I am by no means an average person. Because of this, and not due to any uncontrollable propensity to leave childish notes, I am culled. The note was less apologetic and more a futile attempt in getting a point across, that at least I'm no egomaniac. (Strangely, this is where my ego starts to show itself)...I know she will never construe these things like I do but this situation is not an undermining of my self-esteem, it's not regret or anguish. My self-esteem is there, but it is not constant and things like this reaffirm what I feel in my gut, intuitively.
But to answer a few questions...
1. I might as well be ugly because I don't look good enough (I have slightly deformed ears, not very noticable)...you see, I carry sh!t with me wherever I go. And older ladies (out of my range)say I look good but younger ones act they resent that I am alive. I am tall, skinny and tired of having a d!ck and ball$.

2. I am just not good with women or anybody for that matter. Sure, I've read this stuff and applied what I am able to. But mostly, I cannot even put it to use. I'm not good at playing games/flirting unless I just happen to be in the right frame of mind...hardly ever have a conversation with females, and more seldom, good conversation. Even when I do and I get them laughing and I'm really throwing my best at them, it doesn't seem like they feel any attraction to me.

I am about desensitized because I don't ever get what I want so why should I care about the person? Why, when all they seem to do is bleed Narcissus from their veins. And if I despair, it is only because I don't even feel like I have failures (that would give the illusion that each little failure is no big deal), just a mounting failure, getting bigger and bigger until I have no life left, no desire to be part of humanity, to even long for anyone/anything. Everything has run together, instead of one "girl", it is "women" in general.

I've been talking to this girl who lives two hrs. from me and she acts like she's in love with me. She wants a relationship and she's really nice. I just found out that she has been raped...and worse, by her uncle I think. She makes it so obvious that she likes me and is really up-front, honest but I have my guard up. AS much as I see myself in her, I am afraid she would end up cheating on me or something. I have such a bad outlook because I've heard about too many married women/girlfriends who are heartless cheaters and I've been around a few, possibly my own mother (although she denies this). But this girl is really attractive too and I was talking to her one day when she was at work. This guy came up and told her,"THe only reason I come in here is to stare at you" then he asked for sex. It was before I knew about her having been raped. I busted on her about possibly being into the guy (she said he was in his 30's, married had kids)...and she got really defensive and pissed off. She says she's not really into "sex for fun" but "making love"...sounds like how I used to feel until all my lust soured me. I am not sure how to react to this girl because she said to me,"I really like you. I want to be with you because you are honest, sweet, and have a great sense of humor". SOUNDS LIKE A NICE GUY, KINDA. I told her,"I am really enjoying talking to you but it's good to have reservations. You don't exactly have me in the bag yet". I do bust on this girl too so I don't think I am being too nice or too sappy. After all, she sounds very sincere and says,"I don't care what you look like either"...(she's never seen a pic. of me) SHE SCARES ME. She flatters me way too much and I'm just not used to it. I am afraid I will allow enough intimacy to get hurt and I don't want to leave myself open for that...on the other hand, I don't want to run from/chase away something good if it's there.

 

[krd]

So you're doing the on-line dating thing. I tried that for a while, but nothing came from it. The biggest problem was that they all lived so damn far away. I don't have a car and I don't like to drive, so if she was more than five minutes away, it would be way too difficult to pull off. I say, if you can somehow arrange a meeting, try it once. From there you can decide if she's someone you'd like to know. Sure, it's a risk, but it beats sitting home and wondering what might have been. Still, I believe there's no substitute for going out in the real world and gaining experience.

You say you don't look good enough, that you're tall and skinny. Women usually like tall guys, so that shouldn't be a problem (unless you're 8'9). I'm very skinny, but not tall, so you've got one more thing going for you than I do. But being skinny is something that can be changed. Start going to the gym and working out. Make sure you ask questions--usually there are people there who can advise you about workout routines and diet. Read the Health & Fitness Forum on here if you can.

You also say you can't play flirting games with women unless you are in the right frame of mind. That pretty much describes my situation. This girl you are talking to describes you as a nice, sweet and honest guy, and even though these are admirable qualities, they usually won't hold a girls' attraction. They might think of you as a wonderful friend, but you probably won't get any further than that. There's a couple of girls that call me and ask me to hang out with them sometimes. But when I am with them, it's pretty obvious they don't see me as more than just another one of their friends. Part of this is because that's what I act like. I don't do anything to show my attraction to them, or that I'm even interested. Not that I don't want to, but I can't help feeling uncomfortable about it. (Although one of them, I believe, may have been dropping hints, but I totally didn't pick up on them at the time).

It seems like you are placing a lot of the anger of what happens to you on the women you encounter. But from what you are telling me, it seems like you already know a lot of the problem is with you. If you come across as this shy, polite and sensitive guy, then of course these women are going to react to you accordingly. It's not necessarily fair how they react to someone like this, but women can't really decide what makes them attracted, the same way that men can't. Now having said all this, I know how extremely tough it is to change yourself. But at least being able to acknowledge where the problem actually lies can give you a good starting point.

 

[quintessential]

I feel like I can flirt and make them laugh...but I have to be in the right frame of mind and I'm not always able to think that way. I don't know how to come across any differently and I still don't know how to do it right. I am too fu&king bitter to be a nice person. This girl will probably end up not even wanting to meet me. HELL, since I'm in the situation, she could've changed her mind already and I wouldn't know...she probably won't even be attracted to me when/if she sees me.
I am not always nice (the word itself drives me up the fu&king wall) but I think I just come across as innocent. My eyes I think make me seem kind or something. And I'm a virgin so I guess I'm just fu&ked over. The problem isn't all me, it is partly them.
I am too sexually-charged to be this sexually-deprived but it's been this way for so long that I sometimes don't care, sometimes even wish I could throw my d!ck and ball$ in the garbage. By the time I use them, I'll be old and they won't work.
I hardly enjoy being alive now because as radiant as I try to be, I am a dull star burning just beyond their view. The girl I am talking to said,"You are a really great person. Everything about you. The way you present yourself on the phone. Your personality makes me want to be with you." It seems like this could happen with other girls but they are not as nice as this one...I just tried to talk about her mostly and ask her things that would lead to some feeling and it worked....but I'm not sure how to come across in another, more jerkish?, way to get their attention. I like to joke around and tease but I'm not sure I say anything that really gets them going. HOW CAN I AVOID SEEMING SO FU&KING NICE?.....'cause I have been known to be an ******* before and I don't want to be that either.

 

[krd]

Originally posted by quintessential
HOW CAN I AVOID SEEMING SO FU&KING NICE?.....'cause I have been known to be an ******* before and I don't want to be that either.

There is plenty of advice on here that tells you how to do just that. You just have to have the nerve to apply it, and that's where you seem to have the problem. This girl really seems to be exhibiting high IL. I say you need to make some definite plans with this girl as soon as possible. But don't expect anything. Otherwise, you'll end up being very disappointed if things don't go as you hoped. Maybe things won't work out, but you can't jump to conclusions before you even try.