legolas
Master Don Juan
I was talking to my friend the other night and he was telling me about a girl he's been going out with for a while. Last night was his first attempt at "taking her off the market" Unfortunately for him, he didn't get what he expected, and to be honest I don't think he knew what to expect!!
He went to the date hoping to have "the talk" and he kinda did but wasn't sure what came off it I was surprised to find out that he was not prepared with what to say and how to proceed. Now I'm not the best at dong this either, but I have found that lately I tend to rehearse in my head what I plan to say, or do and make sure it makes sense and make sure it is what I really want to say.
The importance of a gameplan
In a chess game, you cannot win by taking it one move at a time. You have to have a gameplan desgined at least midway through the game. Similarly in many situations in life it is neccessary that you have some kind of a gameplan which includes the same factors as a game of chess:
The Objective
In chess the objective is to capture your opponents king. In seduction it could be to capture a girls' heart.
I want to avoid using the goal terminology since many self-help books use it and people are fed up with it. Yet it is the single most important part of the plan.
You have to know what you want.
You have to make sure you like what you want.
You have to make sure there's a way to get it (most likely there is)
You have to make sure you know when you got it so you stop.
You have to make sure you can live with the consecuences of getting it. (Very Important and usually not considered)
If in any of these steps you find that you don't really want that thing, then revise your objective.
Usually I will not plan so rigorously, since many situations don't require it, yet it is easy to lose track of what you're after when you get lost in conversations.
Another thing to point out is that exact goals are not neccessary. Most of the time I just want to set a direction in which I want things to proceed. That way I can change my plan as I go always keping my objectve in sight
The importance of scripts
I used to be the type of guy who placed a very high importance on being spontaneous with what you say. I was against all methods who suggested any kind of scripts. How many of you find yourselves stuck in a conversatoin because you don't know how to follow up on something you say? How many of you beat yourself up every day because of something you said that you could have said ten times better if you had thought a bit before saying it?
If you are using a script, it is absolutely necessary that you come up with it! The best kind of scripts are the your own. If you use another person's script, you won't come off as natural and you may not have a comeback. Usually when that happens, we simply revert to the old us in our safe little worlds. If you want to use another person's script, first make sure you adapt it to your goals and your personality. You do this by "abstracting" the script and figuring out what it does.
The nice thing about scripts is that you only have to think about it once, but once you have that script in place, you can use it over and over with only slight modifications. Hey if it works, why change it?
The importance of thinking ahead
When it comes to chess, the winner is he who can think the most moves ahead. Now you can never guess 100% what the other person is going to do, but nothing in life is 100% guaranteed except death and taxes
I usually tend to think about two or three steps ahead in the positive direction (the one I'm aiming for) and maybe one or two steps in the other direction (which includes anything I'm not aiming for). Usually the steps in the oposite direction either include a clean-up routine, (i.e. a way to exit without screwing things up) in case things don't work, and ways to bring the other person back to the direction I want them to go into in the first place. I'll have a few of these and if no avail, I'll use the clean-up.
The importance of rehearsing
Like I said above, I used to hate rehearsing cuz I thought a good seducer should be able come up with anything right on the spot. Life suggests differently. The best chess players make a habit of rehearsing their moves to make sure they find the flaws before it matters. In fact, in just about any sport, players rehearse the different schemes and plays to make sure they don't have to think about it during the actual game.
I'm finding more and more that this is very important even in situations where all you have to do is a simple phone call. Rehearsing not only reinforces the things you want to say so you remember them better, it also makes you think about what you're saying and gives you a chance to tweak the message.
Rehearsing applies to more than just the scripts. It applies to your game plan, your objective, your body language, etc. Simply run it in your head and get a feel for what you're doing.
In Closing
You can never predict what's going to happen, so why not prepare for the things you want to get? If my friend had prepared a gameplan, he could be talking to me today about his new girlfriend and all the amazing things they did last night, and all the things he plans to do with her or to her Instead he has to wine and moan and keep on "dating"
Don't let that happen to you!!
He went to the date hoping to have "the talk" and he kinda did but wasn't sure what came off it I was surprised to find out that he was not prepared with what to say and how to proceed. Now I'm not the best at dong this either, but I have found that lately I tend to rehearse in my head what I plan to say, or do and make sure it makes sense and make sure it is what I really want to say.
The importance of a gameplan
In a chess game, you cannot win by taking it one move at a time. You have to have a gameplan desgined at least midway through the game. Similarly in many situations in life it is neccessary that you have some kind of a gameplan which includes the same factors as a game of chess:
The Objective
In chess the objective is to capture your opponents king. In seduction it could be to capture a girls' heart.
I want to avoid using the goal terminology since many self-help books use it and people are fed up with it. Yet it is the single most important part of the plan.
You have to know what you want.
You have to make sure you like what you want.
You have to make sure there's a way to get it (most likely there is)
You have to make sure you know when you got it so you stop.
You have to make sure you can live with the consecuences of getting it. (Very Important and usually not considered)
If in any of these steps you find that you don't really want that thing, then revise your objective.
Usually I will not plan so rigorously, since many situations don't require it, yet it is easy to lose track of what you're after when you get lost in conversations.
Another thing to point out is that exact goals are not neccessary. Most of the time I just want to set a direction in which I want things to proceed. That way I can change my plan as I go always keping my objectve in sight
The importance of scripts
I used to be the type of guy who placed a very high importance on being spontaneous with what you say. I was against all methods who suggested any kind of scripts. How many of you find yourselves stuck in a conversatoin because you don't know how to follow up on something you say? How many of you beat yourself up every day because of something you said that you could have said ten times better if you had thought a bit before saying it?
If you are using a script, it is absolutely necessary that you come up with it! The best kind of scripts are the your own. If you use another person's script, you won't come off as natural and you may not have a comeback. Usually when that happens, we simply revert to the old us in our safe little worlds. If you want to use another person's script, first make sure you adapt it to your goals and your personality. You do this by "abstracting" the script and figuring out what it does.
The nice thing about scripts is that you only have to think about it once, but once you have that script in place, you can use it over and over with only slight modifications. Hey if it works, why change it?
The importance of thinking ahead
When it comes to chess, the winner is he who can think the most moves ahead. Now you can never guess 100% what the other person is going to do, but nothing in life is 100% guaranteed except death and taxes
I usually tend to think about two or three steps ahead in the positive direction (the one I'm aiming for) and maybe one or two steps in the other direction (which includes anything I'm not aiming for). Usually the steps in the oposite direction either include a clean-up routine, (i.e. a way to exit without screwing things up) in case things don't work, and ways to bring the other person back to the direction I want them to go into in the first place. I'll have a few of these and if no avail, I'll use the clean-up.
The importance of rehearsing
Like I said above, I used to hate rehearsing cuz I thought a good seducer should be able come up with anything right on the spot. Life suggests differently. The best chess players make a habit of rehearsing their moves to make sure they find the flaws before it matters. In fact, in just about any sport, players rehearse the different schemes and plays to make sure they don't have to think about it during the actual game.
I'm finding more and more that this is very important even in situations where all you have to do is a simple phone call. Rehearsing not only reinforces the things you want to say so you remember them better, it also makes you think about what you're saying and gives you a chance to tweak the message.
Rehearsing applies to more than just the scripts. It applies to your game plan, your objective, your body language, etc. Simply run it in your head and get a feel for what you're doing.
In Closing
You can never predict what's going to happen, so why not prepare for the things you want to get? If my friend had prepared a gameplan, he could be talking to me today about his new girlfriend and all the amazing things they did last night, and all the things he plans to do with her or to her
Instead he has to wine and moan and keep on "dating" Don't let that happen to you!!
