The Importance of Maintaining Social Momentum

[STR8UP]

I recently posted about Competition Anxiety between women and how it is one of the best tools in a DJ's toolbox.

It's also the other part of the equation in Plate Theory (when women know or sense you have other women they will step up their game), although spinning isn't necessarily a prerequisite for creating competition anxiety.

I got to thinking though.

We all go through ups and downs, feast and famine, walking through an oasis just to meet the desert on the other side on your way to your next destination.

The really important thing though about being social is to build momentum and maintain it. My issue in the past has been that I will get a good amount of wind in my sails, then LIFE will get in the way and most of what I worked for I can no longer maintain due to my time being diverted elsewhere.

I'm not just talking about women here. I'm talking about building social networks of all types. That's tough to do when you are completely wrapped up in work for extended periods.

I'm just fascinated at how the pendulum seems to swing from time to time. Sometimes it's back to back social interaction that leads to lots of opportunities to have a good time and meet new women. Other times it's like walking through the desert. Not a soul in sight, and no immediate prospect for getting yourself back on track.

Lately I have noticed myself getting back in the groove. I've met some interesting new people recently, gotten invited to more parties, and it seems like the phone is ringing again from old connections. This gives my "frame" a boost, and I find myself attracting more people to my presence.

And it really is contagious. I'm sure part of it is the "attitude" and the vibe you give off that naturally attracts people to want to connect with you, and part of it is simply the way things ebb and flow, but are there any wild cards at play?

It is also one of those catch 22 situations where your lack of maintaining connections causes you less opportunities, and less opportunities make it tough to build back that momentum.

So what are some of the ways you go about maintaining this momentum? Do you automatically "make time" and force yourself to socialize, like you would with hitting the gym?

I think that might be my problem. I get into a mood where all I want to do is go home and chill by myself and I lose that momentum. Maybe now that I can feel it coming back I need to be more conscious of making sure that I ride the wave to shore. As soon as I feel the wave losing power I need to paddle back out and be ready for the next.

Any thoughts?

 

[jdon23]

What I've found is that it is much too hard to maintain many facets of small social circles. For example, 2 guys I just met from work asked me to go to a party this friday in Albany. My buddies from my town wanted to go out to a bar Friday. I also met a cute blonde yesterday who was working at this jewelery stand who wanted me to go to "have fun" and go clubbing with her Friday as well..

It's impossible to please everyone- so who do I give my time to? The answer is simple- the group/person that gives more value to my time. My "inner" social circle is a great group of friends of mine. I have deep friendships with all of them and I always have an amazing time and enjoy the energy our group generates in each other.

However, if you keep hanging out with the same people, you lose the chance to meet more interesting and fun people. You also get stuck in a comfort zone, which can be hard to break. Also another problem is trying to merge social circles. Every group has their own dynamic, and if you change or alter that with more people, the dynamic also changes.

I think the solution is to build a great inner circle of friends that you rely on and have a great time with.. BUT at the same time try and manage your schedule so that there are free slots here for people to "try-out" for a spot in your life. That is probably the hardest part. Finding free time for someone that you haven't already given to another friend/woman/hobby.

 

[DavenJuan]

Originally posted by STR8UP
And it really is contagious. I'm sure part of it is the "attitude" and the vibe you give off that naturally attracts people to want to connect with you, and part of it is simply the way things ebb and flow, but are there any wild cards at play?

i think its all about the attitude and "vibe" you subconcsiously give off.

just imagine, not going out and socializing for an entire year, then you just pick up one day and venture out.

i cant imagine it being the same event had you been keeping that "momentum" and been socializing on a some what regular basis.

In my profession, my career isnt accomplished simply between 9-5, duty calls at all times of the day and night, so it is hard to sometimes juggle your work/life balance,

but conditioning yourself to stay social and "in the know" significantly presents more success not only with women, but contributes to your overall attitude and presence when your out

 

[samspade]

I think my biggest pitfall is that, living in a cold weather climate in winter, it is easy for me to say "I'm staying in." Now, sometimes I have side projects I need or want to work on, and other times I am just in the mood to have a few beers and watch a movie or some football. But you can build "stagnant momentum," if that makes any sense at all, by staying in too frequently.

The key, for me, is this: If I am invited to a party, or am invited out to drinks by a female (even if she's not a romantic possibility), my policy is not to turn it down.

At a party, I stand more of a chance to meet new like-minded and fun people. Not only that, but I'll not spend as much money then if I just went out for the sake of going out (like to a bar).

And I think it never hurts to go out with quality female company....helps the image, helps give you some romantic capital for meeting new chicks. If she's a friend she won't mind being the "wingman" for a few minutes.

One exception: Do not make yourself go out if you are TRULY not in a good mood. It's one thing to tell yourself "don't be q pu$sy" and get out there, but if you're tired, grouchy, or just in a solitary mood, it's okay to stay in. Just don't make it a habit.

 

[Demodulate]

after coming off of 3 months of a injury that pretty much sidelined me I have lost a lot if not all of my social momentum as you call it.. I think my only saving grace has been facebook... it has allowed me to remain social without going out.. now that I am venturing back out people still know whats going on with me and I am getting invites now that people now I am well..

I may be turning them down at the moment as I am rather grumpy and slammed with work and school.. but it feels good to know people still want me around...

 

[thedeparted]

This is actually one of my problems. B/c I have started to find that I don't have the tolerance for the BS that friends give me anymore. One does not reply to an email invite. Another calls to whine and complain about her life. A third makes plans to visit and then cancels. A fourth is only willing to go out if she doesn't have to take a cab or subway. A fifth borrows $20 and doesn't return it.

This is evidence that they have lost interest in and respect for me. Part of that is b/c they saw a girl treat me badly. They know I got dumped and so my stock goes down. Part of it is b/c they have their own S/O that takes most of their time. Part of it is that they don't like my politics. And part of it is who knows what.

Bottom Line: I need a whole new set of friends. One with values consistent to mine. Who are interested in what I have to offer. Sucks. But sometimes you have to plough fresh fields.

 

[STR8UP]

i think its all about the attitude and "vibe" you subconcsiously give off.

just imagine, not going out and socializing for an entire year, then you just pick up one day and venture out.

i cant imagine it being the same event had you been keeping that "momentum" and been socializing on a some what regular basis.......

but conditioning yourself to stay social and "in the know" significantly presents more success not only with women, but contributes to your overall attitude and presence when your out

I agree 100%. It's that thing where you get into a groove, you EXPECT women (and people in general) to gravitate toward you, and it feeds off itself. If you come back from hiatus it's so much more difficult.

The key, for me, is this: If I am invited to a party, or am invited out to drinks by a female (even if she's not a romantic possibility), my policy is not to turn it down.

I get invited out by women all the time. And there really is no better way of meeting new women, especially if there is any kind of spark between you and the woman who invited you. I usually don't turn down these invites because they are GOLD.

At a party, I stand more of a chance to meet new like-minded and fun people. Not only that, but I'll not spend as much money then if I just went out for the sake of going out (like to a bar).

Exactly.

Working WITHIN your existing social circles makes things 10x easier. Instant social proof, no b!tch shields....how could it be any better?

If you go out trying to meet new people it's rough. First you have to go through a dozen women to find a few that even at least pretend to be interested. Then you have to follow up with these women. Very time consuming. If you mine your gems primarily within your circles or at least THROUGH your circles (using people you know as pivots with social proof) it eliminates a lot of the fakery and you can get to the point much faster.

And I think it never hurts to go out with quality female company....helps the image, helps give you some romantic capital for meeting new chicks. If she's a friend she won't mind being the "wingman" for a few minutes.

This is exactly what I do. The MOST effective way to use this is with a chick that values your attention or women who you share some kind of sexual tension with. I don't hang with women who have put me in the friend zone. That doesn't mean there is sexual interest with all the women I know, but at minimum they have not relegated me to chump status, and it creates a great dynamic.

The only risk is that if she values your attention TOO much, she might c0ckblock.

This is one of the reasons that my social momentum was lost. One great social circle I had that revolved around a chick I've known for several years and one of her friends that I dated COMPLETELY dissolved about 8 months ago. Basically, out of the 6 or so chicks, 5 moved away within a six month period. The one that was left I ended up going out with a couple of times but nothing ever came of it.

That was around the same time that I started to get busy with work and everything just sort of fell apart for me for awhile.

Now the turning point was in the past few weeks when I met some new people, got together with some old acquaintances, and started to rebuild what I lost. Now it's just a matter of keeping things going.

One exception: Do not make yourself go out if you are TRULY not in a good mood. It's one thing to tell yourself "don't be q pu$sy" and get out there, but if you're tired, grouchy, or just in a solitary mood, it's okay to stay in. Just don't make it a habit.

I agree. If you aren't in a good mood or can't see the prospect of getting into a good mood, you are shooting yourself in the foot trying to force yourself.

Bottom Line: I need a whole new set of friends. One with values consistent to mine. Who are interested in what I have to offer. Sucks. But sometimes you have to plough fresh fields.

I have come to realize that even though I have several circles, one of them stands out head and shoulders above the rest. Some of the others I really have to limit my exposure to.

I suppose I am lucky to have one that is totally solid. And I think that is what you are seeking.

My only issue with this particular group is that it revolves around a buddy of mine who has little spats with his g/f. The problem is that when they have a fight she starts calling me and wanting to hang out, and she is, for lack of a better word, the "Goose That Lays The Golden Egg" for me.

So it's hard to keep her at arms length because I don't want to jeopardize my relationship with her man. They are both an absolute goldmine for me and i would hate to lose either resource, so it sucks to have to be careful what I do. But this is another story......

 

[GuanYu]

this post is very insightful. Especially for me since I seem to be busy a lot and don't really know how to become a part of "many circles"

Since you seem to have a lot of friends, I'm wondering how am I suppose to go about putting together a group? I have a lot of cousins and family in the area, but they all seem preoccupied or simply just not interested in hanging out regularly. However, when we all do come together we spend hours together and have a blast. I'm just trying to figure out how to do it more regularly.