The importance of having FUN.

[Starriol]

I went out with a girl I met at the street a couple of weeks ago... she’s from Israel… I’m not gonna give too much details, I’m tired. Anyway, I got to her place, all the time with the thought in my head of kissing her, how could I, when would I, what would happen if she didn’t want to.

I started the date, feeling 6, went down from there, started feeling like crap, almost no kino.
After about 20 minutes of the date, I was very anguished, I felt like a loser for not being able to feel good. Then it hit me. “I’m trying too hard, let’s try just having fun”. I even started singing in my head that old 90’s song “all I wanna do is have some fun” .
I immediately started feeling better, started asking her questions about the military service, making fun of her, giving her kino, she responded to it touching me, it was HEAVEN!

I’ve seen this pattern in all my relationships with women, it happens all the time!!!
When I think about what I want from her, I don’t get it.
I obsess about touching her (kino), how to, when to…. When I go into “just have fun” mode, I AUTOMATICALLY know when to use kino, and enjoy it, it’s natural.

It also happens with my male friends, when I get all heavy, and try to use tricks to get more happy (when feeling low), trying to use tons of tricks I know (act like if, using anchors), I seem to get nowhere. But when I throw away all that crap through the window and say “**** it! I’m feeling low, let’s try to have some fun”, I do just that and feel GREAT!

Man, I need to let this sink deep. I happens at college too, when I used to get so obsessed about making a friend there so I won’t feel alone, I felt like crap, felt like people rejected me, laughed at me… but when I concentrate on having a fun time, I get people around me (attraction), girls want to go out and take a walk with me, THEY don’t want to lose ME .

Man, I think I found the frigging key to DJing. At least, for my current problem.

Also, when making pick ups, if I obsess about what to do, what not to do, what technique to use, etc… I go all heavy and anguished and receive nothing. When I go in a “wilder” mode, just to have fun with the pickup and put my balls in the line, I receive the goodies.

Can you guys give me input on the subject of just going and having fun? Your own experience, other posts, etc.
Thanks!

 

[Q-Pid]

Well you know your problem - you think too much. Practice meditation if you really think it's inhibiting you. Medidtation and all that. (And you know that tantric **** is the bomb!)

 

[oakraiderz2]

Good stuff. Funny stuff shall happen when your focused on entertaining yourself. Im going to use this mindset tomorrow!

 

[Schlep]

I really think just having fun should be a tip if it isn't. During the spring semester, I took four or five hb's out for ice cream/coffee, and I was bored to tears. Too much pressure, too uptight, and it just sucked. Wonder why none of them wanted to go out again?

Now when I go out on dates, it's on my terms and what I'd like to do. I'd rather go to sporting events, concerts, movies, stay at home, etc etc. If I'm having a good time, she's usually having a good time. It's been much more successful than the lame coffee date. This might change the older you get, who knows.

I guess the technical explanation is that mood is contagious, especially in the dating atmosphere. If you set the mood of fun, she's likely to follow.