The importance of being a cool, sociable guy

[Alek]

I've done some serious thinking and working on not having success with women and I realized the reason. Its because I'm not doing anything. Well duh, you may say. But the realization I got was why I and so many other guys get stuck in this "community" for years and get seduction theory addicts.

It all resides in not having a full round life, but specifically one crucial area. That is socialising of people.

Therefore I'd like to ask all those guys who are socially savvy, but used to be shy to come forth and basically let us "model" them.

I am not afraid of admitting or asking too "stupid" questions. So I will.

-How does one form friendships in general?

-How do I go and befriend the cool guys (possibly girls)?

-How does one go from someone you've met thru another person to someone you go out with to bars, clubs etc...

-How does one build a social network of cool friends he can hang out with?

Yes I am a total dud when it comes to befriending/socialising people. And fortunately I've discovered this as the culprit of not only my non-success with dating, but with most of the guys who've been stuck for years. Alof of guys wanna go from total geek to seducer extraordinaire. It doesn't work that way.

Unfortunately this site, and the community in general misses one very important step.

Total geek -> Cool social guy -> Don Juan

Unfortunately all articles here as well as the other sites are about becoming a don juan. Is it any wonder that so many people on these forums "know" what to do, but "can't".

I've also noticed thru studying the problems in "dating liberation", a pattern with the guys (I personally know) who did succeed in becoming a don juan. They all became very social (or had been all of life) first and then started working on their dating skills. Infact I will be so bold as to propose that none of the tips, articles will work for you unless you're at step 2. It's nearly impossible. Like being a 10's kiss ass girfriend AFC for 4 years and then having sex with her. But hey that actually happened last week to one my friends so anything is possible.

I am not looking for a debate or a discussion on my "theory", but for a sharing of practical tips, advice and realizations on how to get to be a cool sociable guy and how to befriend guys.

I will share some of my initial realizations in a couple of hours.

 

[Life-Trainee]

I became aware of this problem before I started my DJ reform. If a person is lacking vital social skills he's gonna have a hard time practicing many DJ theories.

I personally have not found a silver bullet for this problem. I put a lot of conscious effort every day into socializing with people. I'm gradually becoming better at dealing with females although I've got a long way to go still.

 

[DeathDealer]

no, stay where you are. i need people who lack social skills or are aloof to make myself look better. i love walking in a room filled with a bunch of people who don't know how to dress to lacking assertive social skills. it makes me look like a prince. some of them hate me, but some of them can't live without me.

 

[The Brotrain]

Well I couldn't say I was ever a total geek, but in junior high I went through a period that can only be described as an epoch of total nerdom. In 7th grade I was president of the math club, and every night I went home I made love to my computer, playing civilizations 2 far, far too long. When things changed I'll never really know, but I jsut started being really comfortable around people. All people, whether they were uber nerds or the epitomy of teenage popularity. I think that acting like you belong is key. Flash forward a couple of years (still pre-Dj), and all of a sudden I am the **** of the walk. My close group of friends (all of the class clowns) are getting invited to every party, and always have girls asking if they could come hang out with us. Senior year I was class president, and knew people in every groups. Think Ferris Bueller without the rebellious streak. This is when I discovered something like sosuave, The Date Stacker program, that transformed me from obssessed AFC to being voted Ladies man of my high school in the yearbook. Looking back I realized how many HBs I missed out on, but at least I am making up for lost time.

People have a tendency to believe you are whatever you portray yourself, and when two social realities collide the more dominant when replaces the other so if you believe your a cool, conident DJ even if you arent (yet) that's how you will come across. They will treat based on their intial impression even if truthfully they are false. In high school, I wanted to be that James Dean or Bob Dylan-esque figuring, strolling out town against the wind with my collar popped, a rebel without a cause, cool to the core. I still haven't quite made it there, I am still working on letting go, and zen really helps.

I suggest Wear the right things, but were them differently or wear the wrong things the right way, it does not matter. Standing out just enough is the point.

Make sure people know that you appreciate hanging out with you. Give compliments don't be a suck up, but let people know if they have a good thing going for them.

Become A GREAT converstionalist that gets said a lot on these forums for good reason. Make your goal in life to get to know other peoples lifestories. Use the conversaiton guidelines explained in the Dj bible with everyone, there really is no reason not to.

Get a trophy friend. The hot girl that hangs out with guys that you know you should stay away from. Be C+F with her to the max she is your sounding pad for new matieral. Make sure she has an obvious (prefiarbly non-physical flaw) so you would never want to date her. Hang out with this girl, be her emotional tampon and try to hook guys up with her. Guys will want to hang out you to be with this girl. Chances are they're pretty cool, but AFCs, welcome them to the club of LJBF. My trophy friend is insataibely high maintence, kind of ditzy, and sincerly afraid of commitment so I would never date her, but she is super hot, loves to make out with random guys, can help me with fashion and fun to be around making her a great trophy friend. The social proofing when I am with her is through the roof.

You do not need to search out for friendships, instead try to form cool solidarity, an effortless kinship that's not too intimate, with dudes. These are the guys that invite to thier parties or out to the bar. Eventually these guys will be cool, but for right now you need something akin to frat brothers. Then you can see who is a friend and who is not.

I can't claim to be an expert at the whole bar scene, not being twenty one, however, jsut apply the DJ techiniques, but work on being put in LJBF category which is really easy to do. Then befriend her guy friends.

People like doing fun things, so invite people to cool stuff.

Most of this stuff just happened naturally after my attitude shifted, but I don't see why one couldn't actively do this.

 

[Kaine]

Great post BroTrain

Kudos

Attitude is really important, that's part of the fuel of lasting change. Then you have to actively learn and work at it, posting a question for a quick fix when you don't already have the groundwork laid out ain't gonna do you squat, you're still a chump.

This goes for your choice of girls, attitudes are the hardest things to change. Having the right attitude at the get go and you're halfway there. She'll fix herself.

Kaine

 

[Interpol]

Originally posted by The Brotrain

Get a trophy friend. The hot girl that hangs out with guys that you know you should stay away from. Be C+F with her to the max she is your sounding pad for new matieral. Make sure she has an obvious (prefiarbly non-physical flaw) so you would never want to date her. Hang out with this girl, be her emotional tampon and try to hook guys up with her. Guys will want to hang out you to be with this girl. Chances are their pretty cool, but AFCs, welcome them to the club of LJBF. My trophy friend is insatiably high maintence, kind of ditzy, and sincerly afraid of commitment so I would never date her, but she is super hot, loves to make out with random guys, can help me with fashion and fun to be around making her a great trophy friend. The social proofing when I am with her is through the roof.

Great post, especially this part. Some guys here seem to think that having girls as friends is a completely worthless concept...That is definitely the wrong mindset. A female friend like you describe can be a HUGE asset.

 

[BLUEox117]

Originally posted by DeathDealer
no, stay where you are. i need people who lack social skills or are aloof to make myself look better. i love walking in a room filled with a bunch of people who don't know how to dress to lacking assertive social skills. it makes me look like a prince. some of them hate me, but some of them can't live without me.

what is in your opinion is not knowing "how to dress"?