The IL curve: 1st impression TOO good???

[Bonhomme]

Lately I've noticed an interesting phenomenon. I tend to make a very good first impression on a lot of people, whose (opinion of me / interest level / whatever you want to call it) drops very sharply after they interact with me a bit, then steadily increases as they get to know me better (if they do).

Anyone else have this sort of thing happen?

I have some theories, but want to toss this out first to see if any of you other folks experience something similar ...

Thoughts?

 

[jophil28]

I just act all rude and obnoxious from the first moment. It is all Up from there.

However there are always some women who claim to know that " underneath you are a real nice guy" and they hang around to tease out that nice guy.

Ha ! Women !

 

[jophil28]

Double up

 

[jophil28]

Lately I've noticed an interesting phenomenon. I tend to make a very good first impression on a lot of people, whose (opinion of me / interest level / whatever you want to call it) drops very sharply after they interact with me a bit, then steadily increases as they get to know me better (if they do).

Anyone else have this sort of thing happen?

I have some theories, but want to toss this out first to see if any of you other folks experience something similar ...

Thoughts?

BTW, how do you KNOW that your first impressions are good ? Do they tell you?
Are we talking about women only or all people?

 

[Bonhomme]

I just act all rude and obnoxious from the first moment. It is all Up from there.

:crackup:

sounds like a good approach!

 

[iqqi]

This sort of happens to me all the time. I have theories. Hint: It is usually more about them then it is about me. I bet this is the case with you too.

 

[Bonhomme]

I mainly notice it from women, and it's very easy to tell. I mean, someone acting all obsessed, then dropping right off the radar, so to speak, some completely. The others that stick it out tend to get more positive as time goes on.

Obviously this doesn't happen with all people, but happens often enough to be definitely noticeable.

I think it has to do with how focused I've been on how I carry and present myself (style, etc.). Small talk abilities have lagged way behind ...

And it could very well be them...

 

[Interceptor]

I think I'd need a little more information.
My gut instinct is that if you're getting adverse reactions from people, you may be either too try hard/accomodating, too giving, or too aloof/withdrawn , not giving value. Either extreme is not preferrable.

It is true that like Iqqi said, it is more about them , than you really.
Because they are formulating an Image of you, which may not, as it turns out, to be true.

As they get to know you , they may warm up to you, or not.

Either way, I believe it is important to look at ourselves and try to see what kind of impression we are making to the outside world.

I will say that the real self shines through always . At some point you will betray yourself, I dont care how hardcore you are.

I also believe that sometimes people do have a narrow limited view other people based on some projection. Meaning, that there are plenty o fpeople who have various 'side' /dimensions to them. And sometimes you may be surprised that some person you thought of as being so cold is actually very kind, giving and warm. Things like that.

 

[guru1000]

Lately I've noticed an interesting phenomenon. I tend to make a very good first impression on a lot of people, whose (opinion of me / interest level / whatever you want to call it) drops very sharply after they interact with me a bit, then steadily increases as they get to know me better (if they do).

This is VERY undescriptive.

Cannot comment without details. Give a few examples.

 

[Bonhomme]

Well, one thing that's unusual about me is that I do not tend to be "on my best behavior" when I'm just getting to know someone, so they probably fear I'd be a right monster after I'm more comfortable with them. Quite the contrary: in fact, I tend to treat people better as more of a personal connection develops.

**********

It's getting late, and time to crash, guru1000. Perhaps I'll post a example or three tomorrow.

 

[logic1]

Well, one thing that's unusual about me is that I do not tend to be "on my best behavior" when I'm just getting to know someone, so they probably fear I'd be a right monster after I'm more comfortable with them. Quite the contrary: in fact, I tend to treat people better as more of a personal connection develops.

**********

It's getting late, and time to crash, guru1000. Perhaps I'll post a example or three tomorrow.

Yes I have noticed this with some women.

Whats happening is you are being your real self. Tha same on the first date as you would be on the 6th date. This throws some women off and creates an awkward feeling or situation. These type women are use to the type of men who try and and put on a dog and pony show. They are being fake. And the women sense this. 90% of the men are like this towards her if she has the goods. You are actually confusing her.

When she meets you again and sees you are the same it is something different for her so the attraction increases. She's starting to sense you are for real.

Most experienced women who are looking for a relationship with substance run into the arrogant type man all the time and roll their eyes and think not another one. When she meets someone thats not it throws her off, which creates the crossed signals, and awkwardness.

I have had one actually tell me " your different ". It really messes with them especially if they are used to the phony types.

 

[Bonhomme]

That's a very reasonable explanation, logic1. Women do tell me I'm "different" quite often, too.

In other words, 1st impression while being as I am, good. "2nd" impression, expecting "best behavior," but not getting it, not so good ("what sort of piece of work will this fellow be when he 'lets his hair down?' "). Later on, upon seeing the same sort of behavior, and even a little more consideration and kindness, they come to realize their "2nd impression" assumption was unfounded.

So, after all, it is more about them, as iqqi previously said...