The ''if you really like someone cancel your stuff''

[Flakey_Woman_Suck]

So, I went on 1 date with this chick that subsequently told me that she liked me for some time already. I told her I liked her too. Nothing happened. Then after the first date I asked her on another date the next week in person, she said she was all planned full (we're both in university, same major) and apologised (she told me something about doing stuff with friends of friends on which she agreed reluctantly). So then the next weekend I asked her for a movie date for a certain day and time concretely, didn't fit with her but she said I could stay over for dinner a day earlier. So I did, we had dinner, watched a movie, kissed a bit and then I went for home. Bus-schedule was ****ed up, so I was stranded in that city and ended up sleeping at her place in her room at a matress next to her bed, lol (she said she didn't yet want me to sleep in her bed and I concurred I wasn't planning on doing that so quickly). So the next day I sent her a text saying it was fun, she looked kinda sexy in her morning outfit (wink) and that we should do it again maybe next week with a better movie. She replied on facebook some time later saying she was planned full next week already '':$''. I said ok, busy week? She replied ''uhu'' then asked me about how my exam went the day before.

Bottomline: many people are of opinion that ''if she really liked you she would've made time for you''. I didn't say anything to her about: ''can't you even spare just 10 minutes for coffee with me (a)?''.

She's very down to earth, and I have the idea that her interest hasn't diminished. But I'm wondering how true the ''if she really liked you, blabla made time'' is. I bet that if I message her next weekend if she wants to do something (just like the first time I had to wait a week) she'll reply positively. But it's still a bit strange to me that she doesn't have a bit of time for me somewhere.

Oh by the way: when we went shopping for dinner ingredients together I grabbed the shopping basket but she almost got angry at me and said: ''can't I even carry my own groceries!?'' lol. Tried grabbing the bag full of groceries as well, she didn't let me. Found that funny, just a side fact ^^

 

[twentee]

sounds to me like there's nothing there but your pipe dreams, pardner.

 

[JohnChops]

sounds to me like there's nothing there but your pipe dreams, pardner.

i didnt even read the thread but from the title .... I Can already see what this girl wants you to do. You never cancel your plans to meet up/hang out with a girl. If you have sh1t you were already doing she will have to wait. You are the being being chased, not the other way around.

 

[IronDJ]

Every time a girl is too busy to see me, I just start collecting more pieces. If you focus on this one girl, it's going to eventually drive you crazy. You may be all cool about it now, but slowly and surely, the elastic will snap.

 

[Flakey_Woman_Suck]

i didnt even read the thread but from the title .... I Can already see what this girl wants you to do. You never cancel your plans to meet up/hang out with a girl. If you have sh1t you were already doing she will have to wait. You are the being being chased, not the other way around.

It's actually the other way around: I'm was hoping that she'd find some time for me. And I'm asking whether you guys think the ''if you'd really like someone you'd find time'' is true. Or whether if you look at it the other way: she has just as much right to do stuff with her friends and be busy. Because I know there are different opinions on this.

sounds to me like there's nothing there but your pipe dreams, pardner.

Me don't understando

 

[NewAndImproved]

OP, the advice you've been given is crystal clear.

Of course it's true that if she was interested, she'd make time. The web-era collorary to this is that if she was interested, you wouldn't be coming on here asking us if she was.

Next!

 

[Flakey_Woman_Suck]

OP, the advice you've been given is crystal clear.

Of course it's true that if she was interested, she'd make time. The web-era collorary to this is that if she was interested, you wouldn't be coming on here asking us if she was.

Next!

I'm not necessarily coming on here asking whether she's interested as I'm pretty sure she still is (I mean, she invited me to her house, and that was only after she pulled the same ''too busy'' trick on me already 1 time). But I just find it strange that she doesn't prioritize me. But as I said, she's pretty down to earth. Guess it's part of the Dutch mentality of not letting your emotions take over and rationalise.

 

[Aristippus]

But I just find it strange that she doesn't prioritize me.

If she doesn't prioritize you, she's a woman with very low interest. Go find a woman who is crazy about you and stop wasting your time with this one. Women who are crazy about you will prioritize you and will go out of their way to spend time with you. To this woman, you're simply a mild diversion. Don't waste your time, energy, emotions and money on her. You'll find that the return is NOT worth the investment.

 

[Gro0ver]

If she doesn't prioritize you, she's a woman with very low interest. Go find a woman who is crazy about you and stop wasting your time with this one. Women who are crazy about you will prioritize you and will go out of their way to spend time with you. To this woman, you're simply a mild diversion. Don't waste your time, energy, emotions and money on her. You'll find that the return is NOT worth the investment.

This.

My advice: don't contact her and see if she contacts you. Assume she's not interested and get on with your life.

 

[lamobatsman]

yh if she was into you she would make some time and cancel plans. i have done the same for a woman i really like and i know women have done the same. shes interested in you but low interest and you are ovbiously more into her than she is into you.

move on from this man

 

[Flakey_Woman_Suck]

This.

My advice: don't contact her and see if she contacts you. Assume she's not interested and get on with your life.

And if she contacts me?

If she doesn't prioritize you, she's a woman with very low interest. Go find a woman who is crazy about you and stop wasting your time with this one. Women who are crazy about you will prioritize you and will go out of their way to spend time with you. To this woman, you're simply a mild diversion. Don't waste your time, energy, emotions and money on her. You'll find that the return is NOT worth the investment.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Although I see the opinions differ:
1) JohnChops said: never cancel your plans for a girl
2) Other people are saying that you would have cancelled your plans and so should she, if that's a way to make time for you.

 

[Gro0ver]

And if she contacts me?

If she contacts you then be aloof and seem very busy. Keep replies short and see if she suggests meeting up.

Btw flakey women suck because you suck. That's not a dig at you that's just the way it is. No interested girl is going to be flakey so work on your game, looks etc and change your nick when you understand

 

[Flakey_Woman_Suck]

If she contacts you then be aloof and seem very busy. Keep replies short and see if she suggests meeting up.

Btw flakey women suck because you suck. That's not a dig at you that's just the way it is. No interested girl is going to be flakey so work on your game, looks etc and change your nick when you understand

Haha, no offense taken (there's even a spelling mistake in my nick.. :/).

Although she does contact me pretty often, I'm wondering whether she'll make the step towards suggesting to meet up. Would be nice. But looks like she's depending on me to take the initiative (don't know whether that's because she's a bit shy or not). We're both pretty young (19).

 

[Gro0ver]

Haha, no offense taken (there's even a spelling mistake in my nick.. :/).

Although she does contact me pretty often, I'm wondering whether she'll make the step towards suggesting to meet up. Would be nice. But looks like she's depending on me to take the initiative (don't know whether that's because she's a bit shy or not). We're both pretty young.

Well play it by ear, do what you think is best and learn from the experience. The more important thing here is to have other prospects on the go and not put all your hopes onto one girl.

 

[Flakey_Woman_Suck]

Well play it by ear, do what you think is best and learn from the experience. The more important thing here is to have other prospects on the go and not put all your hopes onto one girl.

Ok, sound like good advice.
Think the bold part is especially important to avoid oneitis (which I already have for this girl though).

 

[Desdinova]

I'm really surprised that nobody bothered to point out the errors that the OP made in his transactions with this woman...

So, I went on 1 date with this chick that subsequently told me that she liked me for some time already. I told her I liked her too.

Error #1: NEVER tell a woman that you like her before you're in a LTR with her. When it comes to expressing interest to each other, you do NOT want to be on a level playing field. You want her interest to at least appear higher than yours. A good response to that would have been "Awww, that's really nice" and leave it at that. Keep your thoughts about her to yourself and if she prompts you for an opinion, give her something that shows you're interested, but not infatuated.

Nothing happened. Then after the first date I asked her on another date the next week in person, she said she was all planned full (we're both in university, same major) and apologised (she told me something about doing stuff with friends of friends on which she agreed reluctantly). So then the next weekend I asked her for a movie date for a certain day and time concretely, didn't fit with her but she said I could stay over for dinner a day earlier.

She's still interested at this point, but not highly. She wants to continue to test the waters with you to see if "anything happens" with regards to her feelings toward you. You ended up making the same error you previously made.

So I did, we had dinner, watched a movie, kissed a bit and then I went for home. Bus-schedule was ****ed up, so I was stranded in that city and ended up sleeping at her place in her room at a matress next to her bed, lol (she said she didn't yet want me to sleep in her bed and I concurred I wasn't planning on doing that so quickly).

You don't need to have sex to be welcomed into a woman's bed for sleep. If you would have elevated her interest in you, you would have slept next to her. She essentially treated you like a goddam dog, and you welcomed the opportunity to be treated as such.

So the next day I sent her a text saying it was fun, she looked kinda sexy in her morning outfit (wink) and that we should do it again maybe next week with a better movie.

What you did here was reward her for her medium-to-low interest in by complimenting her. If I were in this scenario, I would have left her house before she woke up and waited for her to text me. You need to get the woman's interest to the point where she's chasing YOU. At this point, she's become a write-off for having any future sexual interaction.

Oh by the way: when we went shopping for dinner ingredients together I grabbed the shopping basket but she almost got angry at me and said: ''can't I even carry my own groceries!?'' lol. Tried grabbing the bag full of groceries as well, she didn't let me. Found that funny, just a side fact

Let her carry her own 5hit, and maybe some of yours. You cannot be doing her favors until she earns it or is obviously in need of assistance.

For you, it's back to the drawing board with dating.

 

[Flakey_Woman_Suck]

Yikes, this 5hit hurts (a bit, lol). But I'm glad to hear what I did wrong.
I'm really bummed out that I didn't try to escalate into something by giving her a good night kiss and making my way into her bed. Feel like a chump for sleeping on a mattress next to her.

Oh wel, Imma go be ashamed and let her contact me

 

[lamobatsman]

You seem like a cool guys who has a lot of positive things going on his life but you messed up here man. Des is exactly right.

As soon as she told you your place was on the floor and not in her bed that night, you should have been gone. She's setting the precedent. She's overtly defining the terms of when and if sex is going to happen. It's a frame grab.

Best you can do is just get on with college and go ghost for a few days, and of course, spin more plates.

what do you mean by this "She's setting the precedent. She's overtly defining the terms of when and if sex is going to happen. It's a frame grab.
"
and how do you overcome/avoid this? is it true to say that if she liked another guy enough she wud have slept with him??

 

[Flakey_Woman_Suck]

what do you mean by this "She's setting the precedent. She's overtly defining the terms of when and if sex is going to happen. It's a frame grab.
"
and how do you overcome/avoid this? is it true to say that if she liked another guy enough she wud have slept with him??

I'm also interested in the answer.

But in this case I'm not really worried about her having slept with another guy if he was there instead of me. Reason why is because not only I am very inexperienced concerning the love playingfield, but she also is. She only had 1 boyfriend, and that was it. Also you can read her unexperiencedness in the love game, from everything she does. For example blurt out stuff to me that a experienced woman would've never blurted out to a love interest.

 

[Kbomb]

Ok, this is all really simple. OP, you did not attract her, you did not make it so you were irresistable to her. You played the boring game and got boring results. You did not push the physical envelope and showed you are not the type of guy who knows what to do around a lady. If you got stuck in her city/town and you weren't invited to sleep in her bed you have already lost.