the "I can't be disturbed" mentality

[decentguy]

I added an HB7, friend of a female friend of mine, on facebook. I sent her a very casual and short message and she never replied, although she did update her facebook status (meaning she received it). Needless to say, I erased her after a few days.

After subtly mentioning this to my female friend when she mentioned that HB7 is sweet, her view on it was that it wasn't rude of her not to answer me because she doesn't know me, hence she has no obligation to answer. She also thinks that me approaching a girl I don't know is not a good idea because most girls perceive a guy who randomly approaches them as the kind of guy who does this to all girls, meaning they're just a number.

My female friend also confirmed that she does the same thing when random guys approach her in person or add her on facebook and send her a message: she ignores them. Now, I've known my friend for many, many years and she's definitely not a b!tch and has always been nothing but great towards me.

However, I find this "higher than though, I can't be disturbed, who the f**k are you?" mentality in women quite disturbing. What's disturbing is that they feel it is normal, excusable behaviour and that I am the one who is in the wrong for thinking it's a lack of common courtesy. My friend literally got upset at me for my view on this type of behaviour and we got into a heated debate. She tried to make me feel ashamed of the fact that I cold approached HB7, and that had I met her in the context of a social situation, her response would have probably been different. I now see her point although I still don't buy the idea that it's okay for girls to act this way with guys they don't know.

I feel that a woman who adopts this attitude has anti-social tendencies and that something must be wrong with her. There's no reason why a well adjusted, confident person would feel the need to act in such a way.

What do you guys think?

 

[vitor]

If you were very good looking or gave her a reason to write you back ie very interesting profile, pics shirtless with abs etc,, she would have wrote you back. The problem with what you did is you are getting angry that you could not muster some sort of fling or contact by a random message. If you want to meet random girls for dating , friendship etc go on plentyoffish or match..

 

[seth03]

YOUR APPROACH DID NOT REQUIRE ANY BALLS. YOU CAN'T EXPECT RESULTS BY DOING THIS TYPE OF STUFF. Friending someone on facebook that u don't know, and then messaging them, is straight up creepy TO ALL WOMEN.

 

[Jitterbug]

Congrats, you've finally found out that the majority of females today have terrible manners (the males are only slightly better btw). It's because men have stopped calling them out on their bad behaviours.

decentguy, go talk to some older women (say, 60+) about this and listen to what they say.

On sending messages on FB, if you're doing it, check her wall first to see if she's getting bombarded with stuff or if she's an Internet attention wh0re. Some girls have bazillion messages & requests everyday.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Attractive women on social networking sites get bombarded with messages and friend requests from men. I knew several women on myspace that were getting upwards of 100 messages and friends requests per day. I also know a woman who is butt ugly, but was still getting 5-6 messages a day on myspace. Goes to show that women can afford to be very picky online and they mass delete guys they're not attracted to.

On Plentyoffish you're likely to get the same results though. I was on POF and sent out messages and favorite requests to 50 random women and got back 1 response.

 

[STR8UP]

She owes you nothing. Move on.

 

[Poonani Maker]

If you want to meet random girls for dating , friendship etc go on plentyoffish or match..

I don't know I emailed a plentyoffisher other day and she deleted her account. She viewed me. I just told her to call me, that I don't like texting, and she deleted her account!

 

[Jeffst1980]

However, I find this "higher than though, I can't be disturbed, who the f**k are you?" mentality in women quite disturbing. What's disturbing is that they feel it is normal, excusable behaviour and that I am the one who is in the wrong for thinking it's a lack of common courtesy. My friend literally got upset at me for my view on this type of behaviour and we got into a heated debate. She tried to make me feel ashamed of the fact that I cold approached HB7, and that had I met her in the context of a social situation, her response would have probably been different. I now see her point although I still don't buy the idea that it's okay for girls to act this way with guys they don't know.

I feel that a woman who adopts this attitude has anti-social tendencies and that something must be wrong with her. There's no reason why a well adjusted, confident person would feel the need to act in such a way.

What do you guys think?

I think that this is a very unproductive line of thought that is only going to hurt your game.

Instead of calling foul on what you perceive as rude behavior, focus on what YOU can do to give a girl the incentive to write you back instead of ignoring you.

A HB7 will typically get messaged several times a week by men she hardly knows. Meanwhile, there are guys she knows in the real world that are pushing the right buttons for her. Why would she feel the need to respond??

It sounds like your friend already gave you the correct way to go about meeting this girl: Approach her in a SOCIAL SITUATION, where your friend INTRODUCES YOU.

It's THAT simple! If you had the foresight to do this, you would've gotten through the "creep" filter, no problem. An endorsement from a mutual friend is HUGE, and an excellent way to begin a pickup. A facebook add is probably the weakest approach one can muster.

Don't make this into an issue of manners, because attraction doesn't work that way. It's lousy to get ignored, but that's just the way it is. Now find a solution!

 

[jophil28]

I feel that a woman who adopts this attitude has anti-social tendencies and that something must be wrong with her. There's no reason why a well adjusted, confident person would feel the need to act in such a way.

What do you guys think?

You are expecting 'traditional' courtesy to automatically be practised on a comms medium which is hog heaven for AW princesses who have the entitled mentality of GenY .
Unfortunately it is not going to happen, dude.
I do understand your disappointment at the decay in woman's general social manners. I have said it many times - women's social behavior, and their treatment of men has changed in the past 30 years, and for the worse.

However you have to work with what you have,and what you have, at your age, is an absence of respect, consideration and admiration of men by women. Connecting with women may be a steep hill to climb if you are looking for a girl like Mom.
Young woman have mothers who were brainwashed by feminism when it was at its harshest and most hostile towards men. Men were labeled as 'dogs' and "oppressors'' and treated as 'the enemy', and women promoted themselves as saintly victims who were entitled to "have it all " just because they wanted it..

Of course, this does not mean that you have to accept their nonsense or play 'the chump' to get a date, but you do need to formulate a personal SOP to deal with woman and dating in general.

Take Jeffs' advice above. He said it well.

 

[decades]

two words. biatch shield. google it. or bing it. your choice. what's disturbing is you think what happens on facebook is "real life".

 

[DJDamage]

The problem was not the girl it was your approach.

She doesn't know who you are as a person and it doesn't help your cause that you contacted her through using a medium barrier such as a computer to do so. Why should she start adding you and talking to you just because you clicked on her profile?! You are just a stranger.

What you should have done was to work on your female friend by asking her to put a good word in for you next time she meets with this girl, and then either setting you up or give you some feedback (after this girl sees your picture on facebook) if she wants to meet you.

 

[decentguy]

You guys are so right, especially DJ Damage.
I guess what I'm frustrated about is that my female friend is trying to make me feel ashamed of the fact that I approach girls. She uses the b.s. "it'll happen when you're not looking" mentality. She thinks that I basically shouldn't cold-approach and insinuates that it's creepy.

She said something along the lines of "You're a nice guy and you're a catch and I would hate to see you turn into a player who's always hitting on girls".
I was explaining to her that she's a woman and has no idea what it's like for a guy. She can't understand my perspective.

 

[jophil28]

Womaneese translation.." I do not want you to be successful with woman because that would lead to you taking a lot of time and attention away from ME and giving it to those other girls ".

YOu are wasting your breath trying to debate with her because she is speaking purely from self interest.
Her words are coming from that same place of female baitchy possessiveness which we often hear between two single women when one of them lands a boyfriend and the other is left all alone dangling.

 

[vitor]

if some ugly fat girl messaged you on there what would you do? Would you ignore her, put her in her place by telling her she is not in your leauge, tell her your not interested, or carry on small talk. I would tell her I am not interested but I am flattered, knowing that ignoring her is the easiest way out of this situation, no drama, no response...

 

[mrRuckus]

Don't you think you reacted kind of quickly? How long of her not replying before you got all pissy? I take over a week to reply to emails all the time. My emails are usually quality and not just stupid one liners so if i haven't the time or inclination to put something together for a while, then so be it. Email isn't intended as an instant response system.

I don't even use it anymore, but i have a pof.com profile and i still get emails on it (it's not even set to the correct city). On Saturday some girl emailed me at 9am, i read it around 11, and then by 1pm i had another email yelling at me and calling me classless because i didn't reply to emails from 'nice girls.'

Expletive, give me more than 2 hours to reply.

On Plentyoffish you're likely to get the same results though. I was on POF and sent out messages and favorite requests to 50 random women and got back 1 response.

Favorite requests are going to get you next to nothing, but you have some real issue going on if you are only getting 1 response from 50 actual emails. Maybe you are ugly, your profile is crap, or your emails are dumb, but if you are put together you should have a much higher response rate than that, so i'd figure it out and do something about it.

 

[Hooligan Harry]

How would you guys feel if you had ugly women hounding you all day long?

I dunno, guess I am old fashioned. I wont approach a woman unless I have been given a reason to. Maybe strong eye contact. A smile where she is trying to show me all her teeth. Flirting with me if we spoke. Appearing close to me a few times if I have moved around the club or bar.

Hitting on random women that have provided no indication of interest is going to lead to a rude response from some of them. It is a numbers game. If you are cold approaching women who have given you no IOI, then expect the odd one is going to give you a kick in the arse.

Likewise, messaging random women on the web is creepy.

 

[Deep Dish]

Rookie mistake. Never friend request a woman until after you have gone into bed with her.