The HB10 "PSYCHO"ologist

[sodbuster]

Sometimes playing hard to get will get a woman to jump you-just make sure THAT date doesn't cost money. Don't want her looking at you as a meal ticket.

 

[Stagger Lee]

I think most of the chemistry you think you have with this girl is more just you being physically attracted to her than actual chemistry.

 

[seano99]

PLUS, it's getting toooo much. You're pushing me away..."

I respond, "HUH???? Too much????? I hardly ever call you, we talk every so often, and see each other MAXIMUM twice a week.....THAT'S TOO MUCH?? Ok, that's understandable..maybe I should call you once a month and see you twice a year then."

She responds, "I just need my space..it feels like you're pressuring me and pushing me. That's a RED FLAG!!"

(firstly i havent read the other replies here yet as i dont want to taint my first impressions so i can be as helpful as possible.)

this was my last chick to a TEE! she'd been in a previous LTR (7 yrs) with a possessive and controlling guy. bare with me here i think this advice could be useful for you or i wouldnt post it. he destroyed her freedom, independence and she had to rebuild her life from scratch after she broke up with him.

this could be similar to what your woman is also experiencing. she has her life back now, but she does not want to go back to a similar situation and will stop at nothing to prevent that. so SHE IS GOING TOO FAR IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. SHE IS UNBALANCED. she probably knows this deep down, who knows.

my woman at the end also LIKE YOURS thought that seeing each other 2 times a week was suffocating to her and pressuring. no matter how low maintenance i was, she didn't appreciate it. she was STILL MESSED UP in the head.

i read your previous thread on this woman, and i can see that you played your game MUCH BETTER than i did. anyway, not relevant. you've done well to lay her and get to this point, imo this woman is ONLY UP FOR CASUAL SEX ON HER TERMS.

from the sounds of it, i believe SHE LIKES your attention, and GENUINELY does LIKE you, but she ISNT READY for anything involving commitment (hence her constant questions, and her positive tight hug response when you passed her test when she asked you "WHAT ARE WE?" and you blew it off as we're cool just doing our thing, etc). if you didnt say that, but instead showed any indication of interest, that would have been it THEN and THERE. GAME OVER. but you lived to fight another day. she will stop at nothing to defend herself from getting emotionally involved at this stage.

i think you will KEEP getting these tests and that's why there is such a power struggle here. you aren't equals at this stage and cant be while her HEADSPACE is messed up from her past.

she is throwing you hints that she wants you at arms length. from reading your posts i think you probably do want to be exclusive with her (if you didnt you'd just sex her and not even think about her). she's controlling the frame here, with spurts where you take it back.

i can tell you that saying too much to her, discussing feelings or giving her ANYTHING will cause her attraction to decrease. so be careful. dont let your guard down in this department.

she's not in the right headspace for anything more than a casual fsck with a guy she knows is cool and wont get involved emotionally. that's why she's continually TESTING you to see where your headspace is at. i think she senses you're interested but knows she cant give you anything. in her head she's probably trying to justify to herself that she isn't leading you on and that you want exactly what she wants, hence she can then continue to hang with you guilt free.

it sucks man and i really do wish you the best of luck. and i agree with you, the game with her is DOWNRIGHT FUN. she's intriguing, sexy, cool, smart, different, and fun to hang with. be careful though, keep your head strong because she had the potential to destroy your headspace if you fall for her. and if you did, she'd likely kill it.

these things really shouldnt be this hard, society is messed up.

they say it takes half the amount of time you were with someone to get over them. curious as to the length of her previous relationship and how long ago it ended (was it 10 months?). use this as your ballpark timeframe, add more time if it was especially messed up.

best of luck man. keep us updated. i hope i've been able to give you some ideas and feedback that helps. enjoy the sex for what it is in the meantime.

tricky situation. is it worth it? only you know what you can handle!

 

[seano99]

Handcuffs you were given some GOLDEN advice here on page 1. the only thing i disagreed with was when it was suggested that she could be annoyed you only call her at night - and Handcuffs you agreed. this isnt it. the other guy who said she's probably relaxing and has to work the next day is spot on. catching up at night is one of the only times you CAN hang with a professional (of course weekends too), and i bet if you arranged to catch up the night before that would be cool.

try this next time: arrange to catch up a day in advance after not seeing her for 5-7 days, have sex after hanging for a bit, then make sure you go home and dont stay the night. just say you need to feed your dog (or you left him in the house or something). play it cool. see what that does for things. i think it would help. if you only stayed the night together 50% of the time, she would relax more about you being in her space.

i need you to see:

this is a FB situation NOT a potential GF
this is a FB situation NOT a potential GF
this is a FB situation NOT a potential GF

Handcuffs you appear to want more than just FB, and that it the reason you are finding things so tough.

like you i also prefer sex with someone i care about and connect with, but at the end of the day, thats probably not really what a FB is ALL about. definitely a bit, because otherwise she wouldnt get wet and you wouldnt get hard. so i do understand you enjoy and want the connection. but this woman isnt ready for anything more and she has been pretty clear about that from the sounds of it, and should be played accordingly.

i think between all the excellent posts and points of view here you should know what to do.

enjoy the HOT SEX and meet more women (spin plates).

 

[Greasy Pig]

She sounds like a very serious woman. Do you really want to invest so much mental and emotional energy into someone who speaks to you like you're a child? ie 'I want to discuss the awkwardness' and 'you got your way the other night'.

I feel for you mate but - and speaking from bitter experience - she might be outplaying the player here with her mind games and psycho babble.
I would have given up by now but I'm not very patient with chicks. he he.

 

[jophil28]

She sounds like a very serious woman. Do you really want to invest so much mental and emotional energy into someone who speaks to you like you're a child? ie 'I want to discuss the awkwardness' and 'you got your way the other night'.

Yes indeed, women like this somehow become their professions, and that (above) is how they speak at work, and in their socal interactions.. They actually believe in their superiority because their jobs always place them in positions of power and influence presiding over the vulnerabilities of the young, the weak and the disadvantaged.
I think that we have discussed the nuttiness and the smug arrogance of a lot of women in the 'caring professions' on this forum.

Handcuffs, she sounds like a lot of hard work, for little reward - can you really tolerate her haughty self importance, her compulsive positionalism, her condescension and her need to have the last word and deliver the last slap ?