The hardened heart gets a little harder

[bukowski_merit]

It's been about 8 years since i've had this feeling. it was about that time that i learned all about the psychology of women (aka: pickup/relationship management, etc) And i spent many years entering various relationships, various ONS, various cheating, lieing, manipulating, fighting (not with women but with boyfriends of them lol), and locking up the mother****ing heart while unleashing the little monster in my pants. I spent all that time... all that time and i thought i'd never feel like i did 8 years ago.

I thought by having 3-4 women who i regularly fvcked... and a couple of MLTRs - that no woman had any more importance than the rest of them...

Then last month happened.

I'd been involved with a co-worker for about 2 years now. We were basically "work" boyfriend and girlfriend who fvked a few times a week. She stayed the night about 3-4 times a month; we geniunely enjoyed each others company. Wine, laughs, fvcks, sleep, was the order of most nights.

She also had an on again off again relationship with a man of 5 years (a very successful/wealthy man; who other than that - was an AFC to the bone. The type to send 40 texts to her a night when they were broke up about how much he missed her and wanted so badly to be back together.)

So it was a real surprise to me when she told me about 4 months ago that they were moving into a house together. A house that's a good hour from here. "No worry" i thought, "she can't be without me; she'll find a way to get out and see me". (i think the morale police will be entering about here... fine, but try your hardest to spare me lectures about morales.)

Then another surprise hit me when she told me with a smile; "i just got another job!"

"Oh, that's just wonderful i said".

I wasn't sure if that was going to end up being a good thing or a bad thing. If i listen to all the DJ and common PUA stuff - a woman missing you and not having you in her life should be a lot better than you two crowding each other. But at work - crowding each other is exactly what we did. And we kept each other in a kind of sexual daze at work... always sharing knowing looks; and "accidental" touching... and ripping each others clothes off in a parking lot of lust.

She said, "i love you" once after some amazing sex (3 hours/50+ orgasms). I've said it to many women; and i said it back. I figured it meant about the same as it did with the rest of them.... very little...

I was wrong...




----

GENTLEMAN! She has gone off to her knew job and her new home. And im slowly fading into her... past...

Texting has decreased dramatically (and the talk is small; few words). We've seen each other twice in the last 3 weeks. She's becoming borderline flakey (something she's never done). Example from last night:

Her: What's up?

Me: Watching the game at [name of bar] with friends.

Her: Oh, im going on my lunch break (she works late shift on thurs at new job) What are you going this weekend babes?

Me: Saving the world. You know. Same ol same. Super hero sh!t. u?

Her: Lol! nothing really.

Me: Good. Sunday morning - mimosa, cheese eggs, and a few hours of whispers and shouts then. I get up at about 9:30; so come over anytime after that but no later than 11. (this was not me asking; because i don't. i tell her what to do and she does it) So about what time will you be over; so i can make sure i have the coke and hoes out?

Her: Oh, I have stuff going on this weekend; just nothing big.

Me: We already got past the question of what you're doing this weekend and are on to what we're doing on Sunday morning.

Her: HAHA I know

Me: uhmmm..... no

Her: What's that supposed to mean?

Me: Doesn't matter what it means. The next text i respond to will be you telling me what time you're coming over on sunday...

(about 2 hours went by and she sent me 2 random texts trying to talk about other stuff - both of which did not get responded to; until finally

Her: I can probably be there about 10:30 sunday.

(i actually had passed out at this point and didn't respond back until this morning)

Me: See. How hard was that? Just answer the questions i ask you.

Her: Not hard at all. You're a mean mean man.




---

I absolutely have to call bullsh!t on the "the best gift you can give a woman is the gift of missing you" thing... When i was seeing this girl everyday - WE both kept the sexual tension high... And even though she expressed many times that she could not continue to be with a man who had others - she was NEVER able to even walk away for more than a few hours lol...

I feel now that the time away is giving her a chance to see things for what they are. In her mind - we're never going to be anything more than what we are (and she's right). And i believe she's feeling guilt for still talking to me after moving in with her Boyfriend. I'm almost sure she had other guys at work giving her attention too; which probably fills a void that i once filled.

I do believe the "the best gift you can give a woman is the gift of missing you" has merits when you're starting out.... But once you know a woman and know how to get her hot with a certain stare and know how to touch her to make her squeal - you can pretty much control her thoughts. You can lead her where you want.

this is not the first time that i've fvcked with women from work, and they all seem to fade once they get away...

But this is the first time i've cared.

That's the firecracker to this whole fvcking long semi-pathetic post.

I feel legit pain that i don't see this girl everyday...
I feel legit lose inside...
I feel like i want to text her and say "what the fvck are you doing?" (but i don't of course)...
I feel like for once when i said "i love you" it had more meaning than it did with the others...
I feel like this is oneiteis... that this is my kruptonite.... that i can defeat this but it will be damn painful...

i've read it all... i've experienced most of it... i know this is bad bad bad... but i now have a reminder of what it feels like to be hung up on someone again... it's a good reminder to have... but one i need to get rid of...

tomorrow... Denise is coming over from work =) Within 2 hours, i'll easily be able to get her on her back (maybe within 2 minutes)... and a wiser me - would be thinking about that...

but even the wise go crazy...
and im fvcking insane right now....


5 of the 6 pack are gone...


i feel like deleting this... because what it does more than anything is help me see my thoughts... and some of you might be confused by my writing style when i write like this... but... perhaps it will help someone to see someone who many have came to advice to who can relate to the feelings you have.... the difference being - i have a lot of moxie... and this will not end with me having a fist full of emotions... i guarantee that....

 

[thecurtainfalls]

I don't know man, it might be best for your sanity if you acknowledge this was a short-lived fling and not much else. You're treading dangerously close to one-itis, while from what you're describing it sounds like she might finally be ready to settle down with this other guy. Her actions and ignoring your texts to come over tells me she already feels guilty about how to break this off with you.

Try to judge by her actions, not her words or your past together. Tough as it is, I've learned that when a woman has moved on emotionally... good luck getting her to do anything that's not in her immediate self-interest. She's convinced herself (for monetary reasons or otherwise) that this new guy is the way to go, and she's guilt-tripping about your trysts together. Sounds like she still 'likes' you, is attracted to you, but has made the decision to move on. Unfortunately, in typical female fashion, she is doing so slowly and at her own pace, hedging back and forth with mixed signals, with no regards to how it might be affecting you, or what you might think. It's a downward spiral, generally speaking.

Tread with caution! Try not to invest emotionally any further. I see a lot of red flags from what you described, especially that text convo. I'm sure nothing I mentioned was anything you didn't already know, but I know this has gotta be a tough spot for you. Good luck, bro.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Yeah, i can't argue with anything you said.

There was MANY times that she expressed guilt to me; regardless of the fact that for the last 2 years they'd only been officially dating for about 4 months of that time - i know she felt guilt that he was unaware of me. And he'd say he really needed $ex and she'd text him back to go out and find some girl then; and he'd text her back "i don't want anyone but you; you're the only one for me"... and i know that that and a lot of other "you're the only one i've ever wanted" type stuff made her feel bad about what she was doing... about what we were doing...

But when i worked with her - she couldn't avoid the charm... I must have got 5 emails in the morning that went something like "we have to end this" (and a bunch more blah blah) And 4 hours later on our lunch break - we'd be making out again. Because she couldn't resist.

Being at work with her - i could bring her back in. Being a hour away from her; at a totally different job; and seeing her like once every 2 weeks - i can't do anything with that. Even if she comes over sunday and i give her the greatest pleasure i've ever given any woman - i know not much will change; in fact she probably hates herself more if she really enjoys it.

And yes, when i see the text - i see the same thing you see. She ducking and weaving. Trying to avoid getting pulled back in. In 2 years of this - she has never flaked on me. It would not surprise me one bit if she comes up with something for Sunday. And if she does - i promise i will not speak to her again. That's a hard pill to swallow - but it must be done. It must be done soon anyway.

This is coming from a guy who pretty much already has a new work "girl" (the girl who's coming over tomorrow) and has multiple other women. So the whole spin more plates or GOAF10W thing - won't help me a bit. But writing this stuff out actually does.

 

[kingy]

your ego is hurt cos guess what u arent the stud muff you think you are.

there are lots of cool guys out there and she is moving on, i suggest u let her unless u have anything to offer other than your endless supply of orgasms

u dont care, your ego just hurts.

p.s. the moral police would have a field day with you, being a **** will attract u a certain type of lse girl. its your call

 

[Just a Shot Away]

...after some amazing sex (3 hours/50+ orgasms).

An orgasm every three minutes, eh? Very impressive man. What's your secret?

 

[The Piano Master]

An orgasm every three minutes, eh? Very impressive man. What's your secret?

Internet boasting.

 

[bukowski_merit]

your ego is hurt cos guess what u arent the stud muff you think you are.

ohhh... so you're going to tell me about myself now???? nice... I don't disagree that the ego is hurting a bit, but your little, "Because guess what? You aren't the stud muff you think you are" - is out of line. #1: I would never consider myself a stud muffin, because that sounds like a homosexual queer who likes getting his @ss ate. #2 You don't know me enough to say "Because guess what?" to me; "cos guess what"? you're wrong. I don't think im great looking and my body has sure taken a turn for the worse in the last 3 months (stopped working out)... I am what i am... which is... able to get women... but only get them to an extent.... I've discussed this in many post in my past... and unless i ever decide to join in on the rat race - i shall remain a good $exual partner, and a bad boyfriend material guy.

While i disagree with your assessment of me in your first sentence...

there are lots of cool guys out there and she is moving on, i suggest u let her unless u have anything to offer other than your endless supply of orgasms

I agree with this... And no - i don't have much else to give her. There's way more to what i do than just sex - but it is a big part of it.

p.s. the moral police would have a field day with you, being a **** will attract u a certain type of lse girl. its your call

The morale police and I do not get along. We've had it out many times, and i'd prefer they kept their anthony robbins d!ck suckers out of my post... but they come in anyway... stating the same garbage you did, about "you attract what you are".... which is in some cases true... but to think a HSE woman has some magical powers to not be seduced - is well.... giving them too much credit.

An orgasm every three minutes, eh? Very impressive man. What's your secret?

Oh believe me - it was most likely much more than that. It's called "a continuous orgasmic state". There's wiser guys than I who teach this stuff. Namely, Daniel Rose and David Shade. Look them up. Find their books online (you can find them in torrents). there's also a post on here by a member summing up Daniels Roses book, "The Sex God Method", and it's very accurate summary for those who don't feel like reading 200 pages!

Internet boasting.

Yes, I make a post showing that im broken up over this girl; and that im borderline oneitis over her... I'm definitely concerned over internet boasting...

 

[zekko]

Sounds like you know you should probably let the relationship die. I know you're hurting, but in this respect she's done you a favor by quitting and moving away. This way you don't have to see her every day. If she had broken it off and still worked with you it would probably be a lot worse. This way makes it easier for you to move on with your life and forget her (if that's what you eventually decide to do).

 

[changeherways]

I'm sure you recognized it, but you should have seen this coming from a mile away!

1st - She's rekindled her relationship with her on again off again BF.
2nd - She's moving in with him. Which can make someone feel like they're starting over again. On top of that - I'm willing to bet that seeing him everyday versus however much she saw him before when they weren't living together - makes her feel even more guilty about you still being in the picture.
3rd - She has a new job. Is making new friends (who could be new males who give her attention.)

You are definitely becoming her past. And the best thing you can do is - let it happen. If she flakes on you tomorrow - then count it as a blessing. If she doesn't - then do your best to not ask her to do things anymore. You're only setting yourself up for her to flake on you and end with the control.

It may be a little cliche - but... If this girl is worth keeping around - then when you let her go - she won't be able to stay gone...

 

[Energizer]

You described yourself as Stalin with the "Hardened heart" tripe and by the end of the post you wound up sounding like Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

You've fallen for this girl who was only interested in you for one thing; sex. You were easy, readily available and willing, you were an easy target. You were a short term fix for her and that's it. Your ego is hurt, but get over it - there's plenty more women out there.

 

[Solomon]

what up buk!

You described yourself as Stalin with the "Hardened heart" tripe and by the end of the post you wound up sounding like Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

You've fallen for this girl who was only interested in you for one thing; sex. You were easy, readily available and willing, you were an easy target. You were a short term fix for her and that's it. Your ego is hurt, but get over it - there's plenty more women out there.

Hey Buk

How you doing mate!! good to see you post in these parts again, it's been nothing but afcville and guys with limited belifes posting as of late.

I hightlited what energizer said because it's true, to keep a women around takes a bit more then a few nuts and a hard ****.

The game gets you addicted to getting the girl, and my desire and quest to seduce women, In turn the game had seduced me. I was caught up in a web that a lot of gamers get caught up their ability to get the girl but not make the transition to being in a relationship

^^this a quote form my E-story, I think any gamer can relate to this, the thing with seduction is the better you get with women the more you don't care. It's a paradox, you get laid more but you could care less about getting laid or women because you start to view them as "disposable"

I was so far gone, so cold, so selfish, the game makes you that way, so you don’t get hurt, to protect your heart. I hurt the only women who genuinely cared about me,

^^but in turn I hurt myself even more. You wondering why is he posting this, cause I can relate to how you feel. Personally I'm not gonna judge you. Does spinning plates work? In theory yes, but situtionaly not always. You see you can Fcuk 15 girls in a row and still not get over here. Hell it took me a long time to get over my X. I'm not gonna tell you what to do Buk, cause I'm not an expert or nothing, but I do know taking time out, re-evulating your goals, and focusing on other things besides coochie help out a lot.

In terms of this chick? "Charge her to th game" just my thoughts

Solo

p.s.

The rest of my story can be read here, it's somewhere down there in the post, with a link to a PDF version of my free e-story

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=165164

 

[bukowski_merit]

Well.... it's 11:30 and she's not here.... I saw this coming though. In 2 years, she's never done this. And i knew it was serious enough to make a post about it on here.... My gut instinct once again does not fail me! =)

You've fallen for this girl who was only interested in you for one thing; sex. You were easy, readily available and willing, you were an easy target. You were a short term fix for her and that's it. Your ego is hurt, but get over it - there's plenty more women out there.

Yes.... It had BECAME just sex. In the last six months, she has typically came over for 2-3 hours, and 80% of that was having sex. But the first year and a half - she was definitely my #1 and the girl who i did the the gf/bf stuff with (cookouts, adventure, friends houses). I do believe she's borderline BPD though.... She's told me all the "soulmate" and "never thought i'd be as happy with anyone in my life" crap... and it scared me a little when she came at me like that when we weren't even dating... but ehhh... my ego is hurt... but over the last 2 days and im facing this for what it is (her turning the page on her life and not seeing me in the next chapter)...

---

What up Sol?

it's been nothing but afcville and guys with limited beliefs posting as of late.

It was starting to be that way about 6 months ago or so... when i left... i didn't leave for that reason... it's just - i needed the time i was spending on here to do other things... im a writer... i also take breaks from my writing... to experience life...

the thing with seduction is the better you get with women the more you don't care. It's a paradox, you get laid more but you could care less about getting laid or women because you start to view them as "disposable"

I agree. Although, being that i do MLTRs more than pickup and ONS - i do care a little more about the women in my life than to view them as "disposable"... I do care a lot less than a normal man when they leave my life though... And i do see them as easily replaceable (which i guess is just a step up from "disposable")...

Does spinning plates work? In theory yes, but situationally not always. You see you can Fcuk 15 girls in a row and still not get over here. Hell it took me a long time to get over my X. I'm not gonna tell you what to do Buk, cause I'm not an expert or nothing, but I do know taking time out, re-evulating your goals, and focusing on other things besides coochie help out a lot.

Yes... I also don't agree with the premise that a girl is a girl is a girl...

But, you are right... Focusing on other things other than women right now would be a good idea. A different girl from work came over yesturday and i was terrible! lol... i was so in my head about if she was showing up today or not that i failed to entertain her... And i think that it may be that way for some time... I've been job hunting for a new one lately... and maybe it's time to refocus all my energy into that for the time being...

I'll read your story now.

 

[Solomon]

https://share.acrobat.com/adc/adc.do?docid=b1c427d8-de93-470c-a3c0-670d817adc20
^^it starts @ page 12, enjoy

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

If she's living with this guy, she appears ready to settle down at least on a deeper level than you had established with her. Given that, would you be willing to "join in the rat race" with her and take things to a serious, monogamous level if she broke up with her boyfriend tomorrow?

If not, then it looks like it wasn't a good combination anyway, no matter how deep the connection was.

 

[bukowski_merit]

If she's living with this guy, she appears ready to settle down at least on a deeper level than you had established with her. Given that, would you be willing to "join in the rat race" with her and take things to a serious, monogamous level if she broke up with her boyfriend tomorrow?

If not, then it looks like it wasn't a good combination anyway, no matter how deep the connection was.

lol there would be NO WAY i would get into a relationship with this woman outside of a semi-serious one (meaning i'd never make this exclusive)... she's very materialistic; and im very anti-rat race (which to me means - chasing money aka the american dream).... i live making enough money to live without debt with; and im happy with that... in contrast - her bf is 5 years younger than me and already making 100k a year (his family is wealthy so it's easy for him). so it would be an uphill battle... because no amount of "game" can overcome a lack of funds when dealing with a gold digger...

on top of that - there would be huge trust issues...

---

but regardless, i think it's done now... which means i have a vacancy to fill now... so... i guess it's back to PU =)

--

reading your story now sol

 

[bukowski_merit]

Well... 10.5 hours after the was supposed to be here:

"How's it going? I'm sorry i didn't come over. I'm just having a hard time with seeing you because of my attachment. "

I don't respond... 30 minutes later:

"I know that sounds selfish. I'm just having a hard time with this."

and then 10 minutes later.

"Seriously. talk to me"


im about to snap on this girl... but i don't feel it would get anything done... so im jus turning off my phone for the night.

---

And i read your whole book Sol. Not bad stuff. I can relate to much of it (although i never went through a period of extreme arrogance - i can relate to the rest)

 

[returningchamp]

Wow, i had a very similar thing happened to me. I had a Fvck buddy relationship with a girl and it lasted about 15 months; then she got real serious with a guy and moved in with him. She still hooked up with me a few times after that, but became really cold towards me... (she confessed it was because she felt guilty after i did what i mention below)

This was before i knew what i was doing really, and well... I got real angry with her and showed it. And confessed all these feelings to her. And of course - she said, "i never intended for you to feel that way about me. it was just sex"... but yet, she was living with me for almost a 3 month period!!!

Sorry for the rant, and i know it's not exactly like your story. But it brought back memories... I just KNEW i was better for her than the guy she moved in with HA!

I think they're still together, but i have a fiance now =)


PS: she sounds genuinely sorry and regretful. I don't know if that cancels out the fact that she stood you up and flaked on you. But it definitely sounds like she's having a hard time with this. Which is much better than her having an easy time forgetting you.

 

[kingy]

if you could go out and meet a new hot girl each night and find it easy to get into a relationship with a quality girl, u wouldnt be even bothering with this. MOVE ON

 

[bukowski_merit]

if you could go out and meet a new hot girl each night and find it easy to get into a relationship with a quality girl, u wouldnt be even bothering with this. MOVE ON

Because of the nature of what i chose to do - i find myself instantly knowing who and who isn't down for what im into. I can normally get women who are extremely busy in life (nurses and college students who have 1-2 jobs and such) or women who are taken and bored in the rel they are in.

What is that? MLTRs (multiple long term relationships)... And i've learned A LOT of women will act interested in it when you first bring it up... But many are unfit for it; 6 months in - they'll want something more. So i qualify hard the women i talk to. I HAD 3 women who i was involved with MLTRs with; i've just lost my #1. So now it's down to 2, and YES i will be out doing some PU now. But my PU is not normal, because of the nature of what im asking women to do.

Why do i prefer MLTRs? ONSs are just ok, but the $ex can never be a great as $ex that takes build up to get to. Real relationships - just not for me right now. Celibacy? Leave that for all the morale police on this site who've never stuck their d!ck in anything but their hand. :cheer:

 

[tafakna]

Not a big mistery...

I don't see the big mistery on this one.

You gave all the sex she might need... The other guy gave all the emotional support she needs... and she's torn apart between this two needs because she never found on a single man...

Unlike other posters I don't think it's just about moving on, but learning from the mistake.

It's fine to have purely sexual relationships, as long as you know that something is missing to be a full relantionship...