The Friend Situation

[Dr.Gonzo]

I find myself tearing my hair out about this. My friend Girl X I have known for well over a year now moved in with me and my friends this year at university. I've always had a thing for her and really messed up by telling her how I felt when she had a rough patch with her incumbent b/f hundreds of miles away. I moved in, got rejected and have been reeling ever since. Usually, I would've been over it very soon but her proximity has caused it too continue for months longer than anyone would want. I find myself here months after declaring my feelings still reeling from it. I see her staring me down when I talk to other girls and as always I base her actions towards me as indicators of her true feelings. Now, her actions point differently to the rejection she gave me a few months ago. I don't know how to distance myself from her because as I said earlier she is a housemate and will be living with me and my friends again next year. I've recognised this problem as something that will either make or break me. I can't get over her and everytime I see her I try to ignore her, I try to not get too conversational with her because I've realised that the only emotions I feel around her are negative. This is all made worse by her flirty nature and eye contact which undermines my self-confidence pretty much everytime. She's got me wrapped around her finger effectively, controlling what emotions I feel with her presence and reactions to me. It drives me insane and I think that if I were to confront her about this, it would just be denial. So I ask you Don Juaners, what is the best course of action for me to take? Realise that moving out is not an option, my friends in this house could not be replaced.

 

[GuanYu]

If I were in your position I wouldn't play her little game.

Game you say? Yep, she's playing a game with you.

Since you were a fool (we've all been at least once in our lives) and proclaimed your feelings for her without even getting into the panties - she realizes she has a little power over you. By her "scolding" you when you're trying to hook up with other girls it's all part of her game.

You think she's going to reject other guys that throw themselves at her for the sake of Dr. Gonzo cause you let her know your feelings?

Dude, you're not in a relationship with this girl and she told you no. Don't be a pawn for this bi*ch. Be a man and hell bring other girls back to your crib to hang out. Show her that no matter what your living conditions you're going to do what you want.

I understand how your predicament can be uncomfortable, but the best thing to do is move on.

 

[Dr.Gonzo]

If I were in your position I wouldn't play her little game.

Game you say? Yep, she's playing a game with you.

Since you were a fool (we've all been at least once in our lives) and proclaimed your feelings for her without even getting into the panties - she realizes she has a little power over you. By her "scolding" you when you're trying to hook up with other girls it's all part of her game.

You think she's going to reject other guys that throw themselves at her for the sake of Dr. Gonzo cause you let her know your feelings?

Dude, you're not in a relationship with this girl and she told you no. Don't be a pawn for this bi*ch. Be a man and hell bring other girls back to your crib to hang out. Show her that no matter what your living conditions you're going to do what you want.

I understand how your predicament can be uncomfortable, but the best thing to do is move on.

I see what you mean. The problem here is that I have been in self-pity downward spiral since then. My usual unshakeable confidence collapsed when she rejected me. I've picked up a few pieces of my old self but still find myself experincing self-doubt everytime I talk to a girl because I was adamant that SHE WAS DIGGING ME! (My housemate that is). Do you think it would be apt to tell her to back off from me? To leave me alone, ya know friendship over? It makes me mad everytime I catch her looking because right away I know she lied to me. She's very touchy, feely and I know that she's just keeping me on the sidelines deliberately. I've recently began ignoring her, not telling her whats going on with me and generally become uninterested in her. Is this the right course of action, just completely getting her out of my life? I want her to drift away from me, to not be my friend anymore because of the pain it causes me but am I too out of line to say this?

One thing that gives me solice is the fact that yesterday, this girl (not my hosuemate) I thought I was chatting up accepted and then an hour later rejected our date by saying she wasn't interested in a relationship. I then told this girl I was happy she told me because I wouldn't be wasting any more time on her. I told this to my housemate and I hope she gets the picture but I doubt she will, because to be fair I would rather she say no and then leave me alone.

 

[Cableguy]

You are in a tough spot and I feel for you. This chick has been enjoying the control she has over you. It sucks and it's time you man up and move on.

The pain she has caused you can be a good thing if you look at it right. First off, don't shyt where you eat. Secondly, use that pain to motivate you to improve some areas of your life. If I were you I'd be out meeting new people and especially cute girls. The last time a chick actually got to me I used that negative energy to motivate my ass to get back in the gym. You dig?

Bring girls over, talk to as many as you can and if for some reason she is out one night and is watching you, damn sure let her see you having an AWESOME time, whoever you're with. Do you think you'll be sweating this roommate when you have 3 different chicks wanting to hang out? Doubt it.

Lastly, be prepared for her to pull some shyt when you do start meeting other chicks. You stated you thought she was digging you and if you're right, she may well "profess" her feelings for you once she sees you moving on. Use careful discernment when deciding if she's for real, or just wanting to temporarily fvck up your game.

 

[Dr.Gonzo]

You are in a tough spot and I feel for you. This chick has been enjoying the control she has over you. It sucks and it's time you man up and move on.

The pain she has caused you can be a good thing if you look at it right. First off, don't shyt where you eat. Secondly, use that pain to motivate you to improve some areas of your life. If I were you I'd be out meeting new people and especially cute girls. The last time a chick actually got to me I used that negative energy to motivate my ass to get back in the gym. You dig?

Bring girls over, talk to as many as you can and if for some reason she is out one night and is watching you, damn sure let her see you having an AWESOME time, whoever you're with. Do you think you'll be sweating this roommate when you have 3 different chicks wanting to hang out? Doubt it.

Lastly, be prepared for her to pull some shyt when you do start meeting other chicks. You stated you thought she was digging you and if you're right, she may well "profess" her feelings for you once she sees you moving on. Use careful discernment when deciding if she's for real, or just wanting to temporarily fvck up your game.

I see what you mean. I've talked to her about my trials and tribulations with other girls (I have to admit though I am still trying to eliminate the oneitis factor that dominates my relationship with potential fVck buddies/girlfriends) and a month after I told her my feelings she didn't have the time of day but now she seems to be more interested than ever when I talk to her about girls. However this changes according to each and every girl I talk to her about. I'm avoiding her more and more I feel this is the best way to restore my rampant confidence. Usually I would've recovered but she messed me up and I'm thankful I found this place. However women are irrational so I never assume any of her words are entirely truthful.

Anywho thanks for your advice man, I'll get on the case with more girls. The problem here I think is rebuilding confidence, but I'm sure Ill be back to my old arrogant self in no time, lol. I'll keep you posted, thanks man.

 

[Bluesteak]

There comes a time where you need to say enough is enough, I too was a pawn for an attention ***** for 2 miserable years. Then I found sosuave and realized how much she was exploiting me, it was a sick game on her part. I basically ended it by calling her out on it and now I dont speak to her ever. Keep a mindset that you could give a flying Fvck what she thinks about anything. Hope this helps lol.

 

[DonJuan11]

- My friend Girl X I have known for well over a year now moved in with me and my friends this year at university.
- I've always had a thing for her
- I moved in, got rejected and have been reeling ever since.
- I find myself here months after declaring my feelings still reeling from it.
- I don't know how to distance myself from her because as I said earlier she is a housemate
- She's got me wrapped around her finger effectively, controlling what emotions I feel
- Moving out is not an option

What do you want us to tell you to do? If you:

- won't move out
- won't talk to her about it
- won't get over her by meeting other girls;

We're not going to tell you to go beat her senseless until she says "I love you" and has sex with you.

 

[Cableguy]

I'll get on the case with more girls. The problem here I think is rebuilding confidence, but I'm sure Ill be back to my old arrogant self in no time, lol. I'll keep you posted, thanks man.

That's exactly what you need, a restoration of your confidence. Whether it's meeting a ton of more women, starting a workout regimen, whatever you can do to get your mind focused on other things. For me, there's always plates spinning but as I get older, that doesn't always quench the flame of rejection from a woman I like. I find things to do that make me feel good to be a man. It helps reminds me that I'm the prize.