The Fragile High-Performer

[Wilko]

So I've seen this pattern of behaviour often enough to recognise that it is indeed "a thing". Not a game changer, not particularly important in the scheme of things, but still kind of interesting.

Every so often in the world of OLD, you'll see a newbie display an unusual degree of intelligence, sensitivity, and self-awareness (by OLD standards anyway). Around eight times out of ten, she won't last out the week. Not because she instantly makes a connection and gets taken off the market. Nope, she just wilts under all that unsolicited male attention - talk about your first wold problems, eh?

I've been in the loop when it happens - "Here's my number/e-mail, I don't think I can handle being on this site any longer". I've called girls out on it, told them exactly what they're going to do before they even know they're going to do it, "Well, I hate to confirm your stereotypes Mike, but I'm bailing on the site".

It bugs me, like really, you're that fragile? What, you think this is cost free for anyone? Men or women. You're going to have to get dirty at some point, no one gets out of this clean. And it's that weakness that makes my lip curl.

Women have to put up with unwanted attention. Men have to put up with rejection. Those are our respective burdens and that's never going to change. You don't get a free pass because you're marginally more intelligent. Deal with it.

I'm not saying it's the most pressing issue on the planet today - but have you guys seen this pattern?

 

[dasein]

Yep, it's why getting the number and face to face fast is so important IMO. Of the 75 or so I went out with from OLD, probably 3/4 were this "on and gone" type you describe. It's not that they get overwhelmed by the attention so much as that women in the 7-10 range have -so many- options that they tend to write off the OLD thing first and fast. Also, a single weekend night without "fabulous plans" can put a desirable woman on OLD, then once her "fabulous life" resumes, she's gone. All women IME are AW to some degree unless they are avoidant PD, and those are very rare.

This is also why when dealing with any halfway attractive woman just met anywhere, OLD, bar, wherever, one must imagine 5-10 random "dudez" standing behind her over her shoulder, exes, fwbs, clingers, drinking buddies. Failing to deal with those guys and what they are doing is a huge mistake. This is also why less contact, less info, weeknight dates are good early on. You get your goals and resume' to the top of the stack before the competition realizes you're in the picture. Once they know you are in the picture, they -will- try to sabotage, it's a given.

 

[Wilko]

I think that's all really solid, useful analysis Dasein. Definitely true of most 7 - 10s. What I'm seeing is more of a mini freak-out; some princesses apparently can't cope with the dirty, profane, and banal world of online dating. Which, come on, if you're crumbling under the weight of "Hey there", and "DTF?", you can't be all that functional in the real world - and that kind of negates whatever charm and smarts they had in the first place.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Wilko,
Internet Dating is a futile business...Oh sure you can get lucky...the Problem is that a Woman gains at least two points on the Net...They are inundated by attention,but most don't find anyone permanent...When you are watching on a Daily basis,you notice the same faces coming up in the first pages,they are the players,but in Australia,Come Christmas when they will need someone for their break these players contact you,indicating that with all the attention they get,they never find anyone...No the only way you get anyone is to have a special interest,even there appearances are deceptive,my interest is Dancing...Last year when my Leading Lady went away,I fed the word Dance into my sites search Engine and found sixteen self proclaimed Dancers....I wrote to each one,I never actually got one on the Dance Floor...Though several were almost wailing in the Wilderness about not having a Partner....I had eleven photos of those that replied back,though all claimed to be Social Dancers,I recognised only two...One was a raw beginner,the other is married!