The Four likeability Factors

[Fender]

Well, lets get straight into it. How can we be "liked" by those around us? According to Tim Sanders in his book "The Likeability Factor," it boils down to four main points.

1. Friendliness

2. Relevance

3. Understanding

4. Realness

He describes the factors as building a pyramid, with friendliness forming the base, relevance on the next level, understanding above it, and realness at the top. Thus, we must begin by building our friendliness first.

Friendliness
I think this ones pretty self-explanatory. The first thing a person needs to know when first meeting you is if you're Dangerous or not. If you're friendly, you are by definition not dangerous. Also, friendliness and warmth makes a person feel comfortable and relaxed in your presence. A perfect environment to get someone to like you.

Relevance
After knowing that you're friendly and warm, the person has no real reason to continue interacting with you. Unless you can show rrelevance. Connect with the other person. Talk about shared experiences or how loud the band is playing in the bar...anything! Just build a bit of rapport. Show that you two are similar.

Understanding
This ones a little bit harder. You must show the other person that you understand them. You know how they feel. This is what people mean when they feel a deep "connection" with someone.

Realness
And of course, underneath all that friendliness, relevance and understanding, the other person must feel you are being "Real" and not just faking it all to gain approval. This is where most AFC's fail as they try to hide their (sexual) intent. The age old advice of "Just Be Yourself" comes in. Do not supplicate. Do not hide your true intentions and you will appear real.

Obviously, there are many many more aspects to "being liked," but those four things should be enough to get most of you guys going.

Have fun and experiment!:woo:

 

[ethnomethodologist]

"We're not worthy, we're not worthy!"

Thanks Fender, couldn't tell you how much I needed this post.

Got the makings for Bible material if it was written more provocatively and with a few examples plus either a motivational story or thought provoking finale.

 

[shumon]

cool

 

[Fender]

haha, thanks ethnomethodologist, but I'm not much of a literary person

I've laid down a few bare bones but feel free if you have something useful to add on. In truth, I didn't write in more detail because I'm in the process of testing it out. I'll add more stuff later on when I get more field experience with this stuff.

cya round'

 

[insanity]

awesome post fender
i've been applying all that you've writing about, since i'm the type of person who jumps from job to job. it's not easy making acquintances saying "hey i'm the new guy..."whats going on?"

the only guys i have trouble with seem to be the older experienced guys. most of them are to the point. maybe in their eyes, you just have to prove yourself. but today i tried something new with one of the older crankier guys. i talked about the news.

also i've noticed that people associate with you quite differently if you wear glasses(i have horrible eyes). i started this new job and left my glasses off and people are much more receptive. raybans are not the in thing here, but when i wear them to work and jive walk all the way through, i noticed people always want to try them on and it's quite the coversational starter.

i think my people skills have come along way since the days of always being the listener. it's posts like these that reinforce the way i walk and talk now.

thank you

 

[MVP]

Nice one Fender