The FIRST time you ever "Walk Away"

[DjVelvet]

I was reading STR8UP 's thread about walking away. And it was what i'm experiencing now..

RT posted about a male co-worker Ray whom walked away for the FIRST time in his life

"He did what I advised him to and he walked away from a woman for the first time in his life. This is when all hell broke loose for her. She'd never been met with this response before and all the cards went straight into Ray's hands. She would consistently 'bump into him' at bars or events to "have another talk", she did a complete 180 in her attitude with him all in an effort to "be his friend."

I know of so many guys whom can't walk away EVEN ONCE in their life towards girls they have high interest towards.

Again i'm not meaning towards girls whom you have no interest at all. But those whom you still have memories and strong emotions and high interest involved.

When is the first time you walked away from a girl whom you have high interest, guys?
Actually I am talking about preemptively walking away, when the girl has not cheated yet..

I'm going through the walking away process now, she has not cheated, but did other unpleasant stuffs to make me walk away. She's still a girl whom i still have interest in.

 

[DjVelvet]

I wanna know. when you first walk away,

How did you feel?
How did you manage?

 

[joekerr31]

most guys are able to walk away IF they aren't getting any sex.

women know this. women know that as long as they are giving up the sex, they can keep 99% of the guys around as long as they need to.

a lot of women are wh*res in this way.

they know that if they cut off sex, 90% of the guys will leave them within a month or two.

men aren't so much slaves to women as they are to sex. take away the sex, and women lose all their power.

when a man walks away from a woman WHILE he is still getting sex, it blows their mind. they simply can't understand what happened, all they can think is 'he must really think im worthless to walk away from me when he's still getting sex from me."

as for the first time i walked away. probably aroudn the age of 25 or so, when i began to truly realize that it was my choice to allow toxic people to be around me and that it was also my choice to remove their presence.

 

[joekerr31]

I wanna know. when you first walk away,

How did you feel?
How did you manage?

when i was younger it was tough. but mostly for the reasons i've explained in my last post - when your 25 and getting laid, you don't want it to stop. the p*ssy is like a crack dealer and you need to keep getting your high.

so initially i felt like 'oh man, i've done the wrong thing. here was a hot chic letting me bang her and i just tossed it away." then id feel depressed that i was alone, and wonder if id ever meet another girl i liked.

but once i realized the price i was paying for my addiction to any given woman, and once i realized that i was depressed because of her, i was depressed because i was depressed! she merely took away my depression, but she didn't cause it, it was always there.

once i figured that stuff out, how did i feel after nexting a girl? i felt great. suddenly i had time to focus on things that mattered to me, i was saving money, and the future was full of possibilities in terms of new women.

once you learn to let go of whatever fantasy you had about the future that would unfold with your significant other and return to living in the present, you feel just fine.

problem is people so impatient. they NEED a woman right away. which is such an AFC way of thinking - THAT is how chics think! chics branch swing so they don't have to go through a period of being alone and feeling like crap.

which is also why they never develop a thick skin and why they are never truly comfortable with themselves.

 

[DjVelvet]

most guys are able to walk away IF they aren't getting any sex.

women know this. women know that as long as they are giving up the sex, they can keep 99% of the guys around as long as they need to.

a lot of women are wh*res in this way.

they know that if they cut off sex, 90% of the guys will leave them within a month or two.

men aren't so much slaves to women as they are to sex. take away the sex, and women lose all their power.

when a man walks away from a woman WHILE he is still getting sex, it blows their mind. they simply can't understand what happened, all they can think is 'he must really think im worthless to walk away from me when he's still getting sex from me."

as for the first time i walked away. probably aroudn the age of 25 or so, when i began to truly realize that it was my choice to allow toxic people to be around me and that it was also my choice to remove their presence.

When you first started walking away, do you find it easier the subsequent times?

Do you feel that you are better much in control of yourself and the relationship the subsequent times after the First walk away?

 

[joekerr31]

When you first started walking away, do you find it easier the subsequent times?

Do you feel that you are better much in control of yourself and the relationship the subsequent times after the First walk away?

oh ya. it gets MUCH easier. the first time is a b*tch. it doesnt get harder than the first time.

you see, what happens is you think the worst is goign to happen. but then you get through it and life gets better and you realize 'sh*t, nothing bad happens. all that happens is that im on my own for a bit before i meet the next one. and hey, ive grown as a person also, this is good."


how do i feel about it now? i think the best way to describe it would be to quote james gandolfini from the movie "True Romance" :

Now the first time you kill somebody, that's the hardest. I don't give a sh*t if you're f*ckin' Wyatt Earp or Jack the Ripper. Remember that guy in Texas? The guy up in that ****in' tower that killed all them people? I'll bet you green money that first little black dot he took a bead on, that was the ***** of the bunch. First one is tough, no f*ckin' foolin'. The second one... the second one ain't no ****in' Mardis Gras either, but it's better than the first one 'cause you still feel the same thing, y'know... except it's more diluted, y'know it's... it's better. I threw up on the first one, you believe that? Then the third one... the third one is easy, you level right off. It's no problem. Now... sh*t... now I do it just to watch their f*ckin' expression change.

hehe - pretty much applies to how you'll feel once you start nexting women

 

[DjVelvet]

oh ya. it gets MUCH easier. the first time is a b*tch. it doesnt get harder than the first time.

you see, what happens is you think the worst is goign to happen. but then you get through it and life gets better and you realize 'sh*t, nothing bad happens. all that happens is that im on my own for a bit before i meet the next one. and hey, ive grown as a person also, this is good."


how do i feel about it now? i think the best way to describe it would be to quote james gandolfini from the movie "True Romance" :

Now the first time you kill somebody, that's the hardest. I don't give a sh*t if you're f*ckin' Wyatt Earp or Jack the Ripper. Remember that guy in Texas? The guy up in that ****in' tower that killed all them people? I'll bet you green money that first little black dot he took a bead on, that was the ***** of the bunch. First one is tough, no f*ckin' foolin'. The second one... the second one ain't no ****in' Mardis Gras either, but it's better than the first one 'cause you still feel the same thing, y'know... except it's more diluted, y'know it's... it's better. I threw up on the first one, you believe that? Then the third one... the third one is easy, you level right off. It's no problem. Now... sh*t... now I do it just to watch their f*ckin' expression change.

hehe - pretty much applies to how you'll feel once you start nexting women

LOL, thanks bro. I can predict how better in control i will be in the future.

A better man definately~

 

[STR8UP]

To be perfectly honest with you, I don't feel as if I have ever walked away from a serious relationship "properly".

I have pulled the trigger more than once, but it was only after i had allowed the situation to progress to a point that I was already giving up the power in large doses.

My last LTR I was ALMOST there.

The waters got choppy and I started seeing red flags left and right. In retrospect I should have told her it was over and moved on with my life. Instead I had to have proof that she was up to no good.

I ended up seeing a side of her that I never knew existed, and despite that fact I maintained contact with her (we continued to have sex) even after I called off the relationship. As a result, she eventually found another branch, and I basically was the one who got dumped.

Now with casual relationships over the past couple of years, thats a different story.

It was the "other" kind of walking away, the one where you aren't cutting contact, but rather withdrawing your attention indefinitely. But I managed to do it with a couple of chicks. And I have to say that I "walked away" from both situations feeling much better about myself and the way I had handled things.

I would say that there are very few situations that would cause you to have to cut all contact with a person permanently. In my case with the LTR where she started seeing someone else and lying through her teeth about it...yea. But I think a man who has his sh!t together mentally shouldn't have to resort to cutting people out of his life completely in most cases. You might not ever have contact with that person again, but I think in most cases it's unhealthy to burn bridges if you can avoid it. That's usually a lose/lose proposition, and your goal should be win/win, and at the very least win/lose.

 

[DjVelvet]

I have pulled the trigger more than once, but it was only after i had allowed the situation to progress to a point that I was already giving up the power in large doses.

That's exactly how I was in the past. Only pulling the trigger after i have given up most or all of my power.

That's why i am talking about preemptively walking away.

You have not caught her with another guy. Your gut feeling tells you something is wrong (with some red flags around here and there). In fact, you have not yet given up your power.

But , you did something different from 99% of the guys. Most guys will just crash and burn to their last "Hitpoint" before pulling the trigger. But you simply walk away PREEMPTIVELY.

 

[mzilla2]

I am able to walk away, sex or not ("p00sy's not gold" I say), however a high interest level on my part always throws a wrench in the works. I meet a lot of women, I think, it's just increasingly rare that I am genuinely interested in them.

Exceedingly rare it seems (sigh), thus I have to admit I have not walked away from the few I have been interested in the past few years. Well, actually, yes, I have the most recent. I was low key but genuine, she wet 180 degrees, she became flakier, jammed on dates, then started inferring I was "controlling", so whether it be low interest or BPD on her part, I houdini'd. Tough, hoped she'd change, but now as I look back it was the right decision, and has become a bit self re-inforcing as a result.

 

[mzilla2]

I think the key to walking away is pragmatically realizing what can be with a chick going forward... And not evaluating based on what was and not blindly clinging to some romantacized version of the past with her, hoping that will come back.

For rational folks, when the gut says "naw" going forward, its likely correct.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...I'm going through the walking away process now, she has not cheated, but did other unpleasant stuffs to make me walk away. She's still a girl whom i still have interest in.

I don't get it. Either a woman does something that makes you disinterested enough to walk away and stay away or whatever she's done isn't a big deal such that your interest outweighs her actions and you don't walk away. Why put yourself into the turmoil of walking away when you are still interested or staying interested when you should be walking away???

:crazy: M-A-D-N-E-S-S :crazy:

 

[DjVelvet]

I don't get it. Either a woman does something that makes you disinterested enough to walk away and stay away or whatever she's done isn't a big deal such that your interest outweighs her actions and you don't walk away. Why put yourself into the turmoil of walking away when you are still interested or staying interested when you should be walking away???

:crazy: M-A-D-N-E-S-S :crazy:

You don't get it. It is because i sit down, unemotionally think about things, and figure it is best i walk away first, before she walks away (Gut feeling). She has not done serious stuffs like cheating yet, but show small forms of red flags.

As i said, 99% of the guys out there stick on when they still have high interest for the girl. I just want to walk away for the best of my interest, even though if i have to bite my tougue hard and retain some pride.

"Why put yourself into the turmoil of walking away when you are still interested or staying interested when you should be walking away?"

Hmm, i don't know about you. If you can stop being awful immediately after walking away, good for you, becuase i need time too =)

 

[Latinoman]

DJVelvet...don't play games. You are wasting your time. Instead of analyzing if you should walk away or if she should walk away...your time is better served trying to get to know somebody new (preferrable couple candidates)...

When that happens...it does not matter if she is the one walking away. Your mind would be occupied doing better things.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...Hmm, i don't know about you. If you can stop being awful immediately after walking away, good for you, becuase i need time too =)

For me I don't walk away until I've exhausted all viable options. It's either putting up with a situation that isn't going to change or walking away and chalking it up to experience; I choose the latter. At that point I'm happy and relieved to feel free again. The trick is not to walk away unless you mean it.

 

[STR8UP]

We need to distinguish between walking away from a relationship and simply walking away from a situation in a relationship (relationship being casual or otherwise).

If you are in a relationship and it isn't working for whatever reason and you break up with her that's a lot different than withdrawing your attention from her for a given period of time.

Breaking up and not looking back is damage control. Whatever's done is done. You get on with your life without regard to her or her feelings or whatever, but you take away the satisfaction of knowing that you have the power because you did what you needed to do.

Withdrawing your attention is the opposite. It's about trying to hold the relationship together by pulling on her emotional reigns.

 

[DjVelvet]

For me I don't walk away until I've exhausted all viable options. It's either putting up with a situation that isn't going to change or walking away and chalking it up to experience; I choose the latter. At that point I'm happy and relieved to feel free again. The trick is not to walk away unless you mean it.

I'm beginning to see what you mean. I was actually putting up with a situation that isn't going to change, and after consideration, i have decided to walk away.

There'r some mixed feelings involved. Happy? Yeh, lot of free time to do things i love. Emptiness? Yeh too, but very much in control.