The first phone call

[custardpie]

So I mainly use dating websites to meet women lately. I have no problem getting them interested and getting a good/flirty conversation going.
However, I am very bad on the phone when talking to people I hardly know.

I realise that the next step is to get their number and call them on the phone but I am terrified of calling them and having no clue what to say or talk about. I've tried setting up a meeting before talking on the phone but it seems an unsuccessful way of going about it. Plus it send the wrong message that you're shy and may have something to hide...not good!

I would be eternally grateful if someone would give me a basic outline of things to say from the beginning to the end of the conversation so I'll have a rough guide of how to proceed and what subjects to talk about (in order preferably).

Many thanks.

 

[J Roc]

just write out a list of basic stuff to talk about: what her hobbies are, her fav food, fav movie, family life, career goals, sports, vacations, music, etc..

 

[custardpie]

But by the time I've got her number I already know these things. It's part of warming them up enough to be receptive to giving their number out.

Plus when you reel off a load of questions like that on the phone it feels like an interview or something.

Imagine what I mean here...You ring them up for the first time and it goes like this "Hi it's custardpie from so and so website. How's it going? So what are your hobbies, what music do you like?" That just seems really awkward to me. It's not natural is it?
I want it to be smoooth not like I'm reeling off a list of questions.

I'd much rather leave all the talk of hobbies, favourite music etc. for when we actually meet up.

Fvck this would all be so much easier if you could just ask them to meet up straight away then you've got a plethora of subjects to talk about when you meet.

 

[true romance]

You should get a job as telemarketer, calling people to subscribe newspapers. Pratice chatting and the job pays.
Just pick up the phone book and call random.
Let get back to reality for couple days and step out of your house for bit. Go to the mall and talk to sales persons at store.
___
I would be eternally grateful if someone would give me a basic outline of things to say from the beginning to the end of the conversation
___
Since you are asking a template to spoon feed you the answer. I doubt you will do any suggestions. If you live an interesting life, would you ask the above questions ?

TR

 

[Iceberg]

Fvck this would all be so much easier if you could just ask them to meet up straight away then you've got a plethora of subjects to talk about when you meet.

I dont understand what you're doing that makes it necessary to call her before the first date.

I've had lots of internet dates over the past year. Not even once did I call the girl before actually meeting. I'd send 2-3 emails. I'd use the final email to set up a date: "...yeah we should grab a drink next week. What's your number?"

And now that I have her number, I simply text to say, "Hey there. It's Iceberg. How about happy hour on Thursday?"

You've already been exchanging emails with the girl, and she's comfortable enough with you to give her number. I dont really see why you have to get her even MORE comfortable by calling. It's an extra step, and in my experience, totally unnecessary.

As far as actual conversation, just talk. If it's cold outside, say "I was huddled under blankets all day." or "I'm on my 20th cup of coffee." Just anything that will make her laugh or ask you questions. When you meet her for the date, say "I would have got here 20 minutes ago, but I was stuck behind someone driving 5 mph." Then ask her how she drives. Then tell her that she looks like a slow driver. Just random things that everyone can relate to.

Don't script your conversation.

 

[Masculinity]

What dating site do you guys use and how much do you pay?

 

[custardpie]

Thanks Iceberg that's exactly what I wanted to hear!

I'm not worried about what to say on the first 'date' I have no problem with that. I just hate talking on the phone especially with people I don't know and don't really have a connection to.

All I need is to get to the meetup and I'm sure i can work it from there. I'll just turn on the charm and wit and maybe tease a little bit.
I'm fine with that.

So you set up the 'date' as soon as 2-3 emails? That sounds very quick to me. I uaually try and build some rapprt first, ask a few questions and make her laugh then move onto the meetup or number after probably 10 messages exchanged.

Robyn923b, I use a free site and I'm not telling which one
There are loads out there have a search around.

 

[aballer2323]

asdfasdfa

 

[J Roc]

" That just seems really awkward to me. It's not natural is it?

asking a female what her hobbies are is awkard to you? step your conversation skills up young fella!

 

[custardpie]

asking a female what her hobbies are is awkard to you? step your conversation skills up young fella!

No mate, my conversation skills are fine and dandy thankyou very much.....I'm referring to the fact that you're quizzing her on her life when you haven't even met her yet. Basically calling her up saying hi then going straight into interview mode...that is definately not natural I don't care who you are. I mean sure, you could do it and make it work but it's toatally unnecessary imo.

I think these subjects should be saved for when you meet in real life.

 

[J Roc]

No mate, my conversation skills are fine and dandy thankyou very much.....I'm referring to the fact that you're quizzing her on her life when you haven't even met her yet. Basically calling her up saying hi then going straight into interview mode...that is definately not natural I don't care who you are. I mean sure, you could do it and make it work but it's toatally unnecessary imo.

I think these subjects should be saved for when you meet in real life.

its not quizzing her on her life. you just making small talk and trying to see what things you have in common so that you can build enough rapport for her to feel comfortable and interested in meeting up with you. if your conversation skills were "fine and dandy" then you wouldnt have made this thread lol

 

[custardpie]

Well J Roc you abviously know more about me than I do.

Can you not understand the fundemental difference between talking with someone on the phone who you've never met and speaking to a person in real life like people have been doing for millennia.

I'll say it again. I'm fine talking to people in real life, that's NOT why i made this thread. This thread is about talking on the phone which I have trouble with.
Maybe you have learning difficulties which makes this difficult for you to grasp??

 

[J Roc]

Maybe you have learning difficulties which makes this difficult for you to grasp??

You seem to have learning difficulties which is making it difficult for you to talk to new women over the phone. Good luck with that

 

[Iceberg]

You seem to have learning difficulties which is making it difficult for you to talk to new women over the phone. Good luck with that

I actually agree with custardpie. Asking someone what their hobbies are is weird. Real people don't talk to each other like that.

"So...what are your hobbies?" "What's your favorite food?" "What's your favorite movie?"

They sound like cliche pre-recorded date questions. Like 10 minutes before going out on your date, you read some article and it told you to ask those questions.

I mean, I'll find out what a girl is into through normal conversation. But I damn sure won't base a conversation around asking about her hobbies.

For instance, maybe I'm telling a story about my crazy guitar teacher. And then I'd slip in, "Do you play any musical instruments?" Or if we're talking about food, I'll ask if she cooks.

But again, "What are your hobbies?" isn't going to cut it.

 

[custardpie]

You seem to have learning difficulties which is making it difficult for you to talk to new women over the phone. Good luck with that

Very helpful mate. Not sure why you even bothered posting in my thread if you have nothing useful to add to the actual topic on hand.

If you have nothing to contribute to my thread I'd appreciate it if you'd kindly **** off. But if you have any ideas on how I can overcome my problem then feel free to add to the discussion.

I'm not trying to be a **** to you mate but please don't give me condescending advice which doesn't pertain to my actual problem. You don't know me so don't assume things you're not sure of.

Peace Jamie

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

So, what are your favorite movies and career goals?