The fine balance of self-development and acceptance

[TheRagingBull]

I've been thinking about the following recently. I'm into self-development for quite some years and will probably always be. It takes, however, a bit of guessing into how much you should be changing yourself, without not losing self-acceptance.

When I find an area that I want to improve, or I see a person I like to become more like, I go head-in. For some time this can feel incongruent as I'm putting myself in an uncomfortable position - someone who I'm not at that particular moment - which is actually true. After a while though, it gets more natural and I'm actually more like the person I initially was "faking" to be.

During these years I improved myself majorly and I'm much much more happy with myself and life. I also feel like I'm getting much closer to whom I want to be. But then, at the same time, I'm not there yet. I don't think I'll ever be. But how to find the right balance of accepting who I am and the life I will lead, and throwing myself into different roles getting further to my ideal? And my ideal is changing every year, so who the **** would that be?

I know I'm not ready to "accept" who I am. To be happy with myself? I'm trying and coming pretty far. To not change? No ****ing way.

 

[Ohso-Phresh]

I've been thinking about the following recently. I'm into self-development for quite some years and will probably always be. It takes, however, a bit of guessing into how much you should be changing yourself, without not losing self-acceptance.

When I find an area that I want to improve, or I see a person I like to become more like, I go head-in. For some time this can feel incongruent as I'm putting myself in an uncomfortable position - someone who I'm not at that particular moment - which is actually true. After a while though, it gets more natural and I'm actually more like the person I initially was "faking" to be.

During these years I improved myself majorly and I'm much much more happy with myself and life. I also feel like I'm getting much closer to whom I want to be. But then, at the same time, I'm not there yet. I don't think I'll ever be. But how to find the right balance of accepting who I am and the life I will lead, and throwing myself into different roles getting further to my ideal? And my ideal is changing every year, so who the **** would that be?

I know I'm not ready to "accept" who I am. To be happy with myself? I'm trying and coming pretty far. To not change? No ****ing way.

Accepting something doesn’t mean you agree or disagree with it. It’s focusing more on what is and allowing it to be.

You have the capacity to feel any emotion in the now, including being happy. If you are attempting to change circumstances ‘in order to’ it’s like the truism ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’

Want what you have, have what you want, or lose. It’s up to you in any given moment.

True freedom exists within you.

By quieting your monkey mind Self-allowing transcends self-development.

Paradoxically it also accelerates self-development due to the release of struggle and hardship.

 

[Atom Smasher]

This is an excellent question. I came to realize that I will never get to the "promised land", so-to-speak, and all I can do, or need to do, is identify the next one thing I want to work on and go for it. Becoming what I would ultimately like to be will never happen, but I can vastly improve myself by just taking the next baby steps, without the thought of "Once I'm this or that, then I'll be happy with myself."

The human condition dictates that we will always be a work in progress. So the victory is not in the achievement of an end goal, but rather, in steady improvement. When you're on the right track to improvement, you've already won. You're already at your highest potential for the day. If you fall off the track, instead of feeling bad about it, you can realize that you're just one tiny decision away from jumping right back on the the track again.

Within that pursuit of improvement lies self-acceptance. We all fall short of what we expect of ourselves. Every one of us. Therefore, nobility is found in a steady, purposeful pursuit of improvement, while accepting who we are right now. By thinking of it as being on a track, it's easy for me to visualize that I can enjoy the ride while moving slowly along. And I can visualize that if I fall off the track, I need not engage in hand-wringing, but rather just make a decision about hopping back on without ruminating about failure. It is an overused phrase, but truly, failure only exists when we give up.