speedo_meme
Banned
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- Jul 26, 2005
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I fear commitment every time I f*ck my girlfriend without a condom...
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
The Fear Of Commitment
- Thread starter speedo_meme
- Start date
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
I feel the same way. You don't want to go for one girl, because the next thing you know is that another hotter/better girl comes along. But as im typing i realize that this is a good thing. The hotter girl will see you as a challenge since you are already taken, so you say to your gf, "Hey HB, listen im not feeling the vibe anymore." and move on the the better girl. Keep doing this until your switching from one HB10 to another, trying to figure out the match.
I know what your felling, you don't want to settle for an HB8 knowing that there is something better out there.
I know what your felling, you don't want to settle for an HB8 knowing that there is something better out there.
Re:
Superficially, ANYTHING is hard to committ to. This, to me, is why feminism has wrecked, in part the value of marriage. Casual sex has DEVALUED marriage in the eyes of MANY men. The pill itself spawns women to take risks they NORMALLY wouldn't take when NOT on the pill.
It's like TEST driving ALL the cars on the lot. Fine. As long as you OWN the garage and can drive any car, you're not likely to own JUST 1. But the minute you go out of business or ARE forced to do so, you begin questioning the purchase with a TINGE of buyer's remorse.
I was and have been there. To me, some shrug off committment as being immature. I see it as a weakness, lack of focus, and lack of true manhood to put your balls on the line. It's fine if you don't want 1 woman, but if you committ to her, there was a reason to committ when you did. And you should be aware of WHY you did.
I checked myself out to make sure I wasn't a Committment phobic person, and thankfully, I'm not. But unfortunately, many are. There ARE reasons people go this route. Most of them based on opportunities as well as internal feelings of value. Ultimately, your choice to be with a woman should be based solely on her, not on the opportunities available in the world.
It's the same with money-making opportunities. People are inundated with opportunities to make money. They can invest, do R/E, MLM, career pathes, sales, consulting, etc. Even within specific sectors, they never really committ and turn it into to true wealth. And true wealth is built 1 brick at a time. Within 1 subset. Find what you like, stick to it, and make a profit.
The Great Warren Buffet wasn't up for diversifiying capital. He enjoys the Return on Capital, or ROIC. If he can get 15% with a small business, as opposed to 10% on a large one, he goes for the rate of return, versus the size.
I'm using a variety of analogies to plug this. I was *that* way. I never wanted to committ. I enjoyed the thrill of a new girl, initially. And yes, it's lovely. It's lovely to experience something new. And maybe I will once again. But the alternative as presented to me is better, because once you go deeper into what's going on, the surface bores you.
This isn't something anybody can do for anybody else, only enlighten you or anyone else too.
--------------------------
Maybe it's age. I'm not ready to marry, but at 25, I have a bit bigger dreams than sitting out 'sarging' every night, or even weekly. I do like meeting new girls when I do, but I figure I meet them everywhere, they fall in my lap, and if I wanted someone else, I'd go for it. But if you'd EXCHANGE someone for someone else, ask yourself: "Why am I with this person right now, if I would pass them up for a 'better' opportunity?"
See...we have to learn to keep THIS grass green by tending to it. Committment IS not a problem when you focus on the important points of life. When you know what you want, you control the frame, control your life. When you don't, and you just go with any girl, make any girl your GF just because she's hot, or the sex is good, you don't.
It isn't something to press now, and if you're PRESSING committment as a problem, you'll force yourself into being with a girl you don't entirely like just out of the sake of committment.
It was like something David D mentioned, about having TONS of girls around you. Yes, there's wonderful girls out there. In fact, they're ALL wonderful, just which 1 is wonderful for you?
I had a few flings, and alot of plate spinning at my apt the past year, and it was fun, but sex, to me, gets better as you get to know each other. When you know EXACTLY what button or what spot to press on the **** to get her to *** on command; not all girls are like that. But I feel only a SELECT few girls are worthy of committment, and most of them ARE not in the US.
I told as much to my own girl as I have girls I dated. Too much princess attitude, in a society that's very balanced. Back in the day when women wanted to be noted as a queen, she was WORTHY of it. There aren't many girls like that. It's 50/50, esp if they're earning money, and 80-90% as much as the average man. There's lots of things to consider.
And I've gone on quite a bit for it.
A-Unit
Superficially, ANYTHING is hard to committ to. This, to me, is why feminism has wrecked, in part the value of marriage. Casual sex has DEVALUED marriage in the eyes of MANY men. The pill itself spawns women to take risks they NORMALLY wouldn't take when NOT on the pill.
It's like TEST driving ALL the cars on the lot. Fine. As long as you OWN the garage and can drive any car, you're not likely to own JUST 1. But the minute you go out of business or ARE forced to do so, you begin questioning the purchase with a TINGE of buyer's remorse.
I was and have been there. To me, some shrug off committment as being immature. I see it as a weakness, lack of focus, and lack of true manhood to put your balls on the line. It's fine if you don't want 1 woman, but if you committ to her, there was a reason to committ when you did. And you should be aware of WHY you did.
I checked myself out to make sure I wasn't a Committment phobic person, and thankfully, I'm not. But unfortunately, many are. There ARE reasons people go this route. Most of them based on opportunities as well as internal feelings of value. Ultimately, your choice to be with a woman should be based solely on her, not on the opportunities available in the world.
It's the same with money-making opportunities. People are inundated with opportunities to make money. They can invest, do R/E, MLM, career pathes, sales, consulting, etc. Even within specific sectors, they never really committ and turn it into to true wealth. And true wealth is built 1 brick at a time. Within 1 subset. Find what you like, stick to it, and make a profit.
The Great Warren Buffet wasn't up for diversifiying capital. He enjoys the Return on Capital, or ROIC. If he can get 15% with a small business, as opposed to 10% on a large one, he goes for the rate of return, versus the size.
I'm using a variety of analogies to plug this. I was *that* way. I never wanted to committ. I enjoyed the thrill of a new girl, initially. And yes, it's lovely. It's lovely to experience something new. And maybe I will once again. But the alternative as presented to me is better, because once you go deeper into what's going on, the surface bores you.
This isn't something anybody can do for anybody else, only enlighten you or anyone else too.
--------------------------
Maybe it's age. I'm not ready to marry, but at 25, I have a bit bigger dreams than sitting out 'sarging' every night, or even weekly. I do like meeting new girls when I do, but I figure I meet them everywhere, they fall in my lap, and if I wanted someone else, I'd go for it. But if you'd EXCHANGE someone for someone else, ask yourself: "Why am I with this person right now, if I would pass them up for a 'better' opportunity?"
See...we have to learn to keep THIS grass green by tending to it. Committment IS not a problem when you focus on the important points of life. When you know what you want, you control the frame, control your life. When you don't, and you just go with any girl, make any girl your GF just because she's hot, or the sex is good, you don't.
It isn't something to press now, and if you're PRESSING committment as a problem, you'll force yourself into being with a girl you don't entirely like just out of the sake of committment.
It was like something David D mentioned, about having TONS of girls around you. Yes, there's wonderful girls out there. In fact, they're ALL wonderful, just which 1 is wonderful for you?
I had a few flings, and alot of plate spinning at my apt the past year, and it was fun, but sex, to me, gets better as you get to know each other. When you know EXACTLY what button or what spot to press on the **** to get her to *** on command; not all girls are like that. But I feel only a SELECT few girls are worthy of committment, and most of them ARE not in the US.
I told as much to my own girl as I have girls I dated. Too much princess attitude, in a society that's very balanced. Back in the day when women wanted to be noted as a queen, she was WORTHY of it. There aren't many girls like that. It's 50/50, esp if they're earning money, and 80-90% as much as the average man. There's lots of things to consider.
And I've gone on quite a bit for it.
A-Unit
Shezzler...there is one way, and one way only to know if the person is right to settle down with. You will know when you meet her. That may sound cliche', but it's the truth.
Some signs...
You will find that you are willing to make room for her in your life that you weren't previously willing to make for anyone else. You don't ever "need" them in your life...but you sure do want them there. They don't complete who you are, but they do compliment the person you already are by yourself. When you look at them you want to share not only their good times, but you want to be there for the bad as well...and you just can't picture youself NOT there.
When you meet someone who has that effect on you AND they're really a good person...you will overcome any fears of commitment you might have because you just know it's right. Don't try to force it or wait for it to happen, though. Just be open to it whenver it comes your way.
Some signs...
You will find that you are willing to make room for her in your life that you weren't previously willing to make for anyone else. You don't ever "need" them in your life...but you sure do want them there. They don't complete who you are, but they do compliment the person you already are by yourself. When you look at them you want to share not only their good times, but you want to be there for the bad as well...and you just can't picture youself NOT there.
When you meet someone who has that effect on you AND they're really a good person...you will overcome any fears of commitment you might have because you just know it's right. Don't try to force it or wait for it to happen, though. Just be open to it whenver it comes your way.
Keeper
Master Don Juan
I'm gonna make this short, but from what I've seen you post here - I can deduce you really are not MEANT to commit.
Bro, you're a PUA. You're not meant to have relationships. You WILL ultimately hurt pretty much every girl you try to commit to. Accept your reality. If you want to have a relationship, you're going to have to change.
Bro, you're a PUA. You're not meant to have relationships. You WILL ultimately hurt pretty much every girl you try to commit to. Accept your reality. If you want to have a relationship, you're going to have to change.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
MightyMate
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2005
- Messages
- 1,400
- Reaction score
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Why dating HB7,2 if You got HB10?
If You wanna commit take the highest. And You will loose fear when You loose woman. Trust me.
If You wanna commit take the highest. And You will loose fear when You loose woman. Trust me.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
did someone recently throw that "do you have a fear of committment " question to you lately?
usually none of us go around wondering if we have a fear until someone says something about it to try to guilt us into relationships that we arent yearning to have.
(dont you hate that??)
maybe you fear it , maybe you dont.
the fact is, if you were really interested enough to hang out at her house with her parents, you just would, no questions.
perhaps you just dont find her that interesting, or intriging or maybe you just dont like to feel awkward around her parents right now.
usually none of us go around wondering if we have a fear until someone says something about it to try to guilt us into relationships that we arent yearning to have.
(dont you hate that??)
maybe you fear it , maybe you dont.
the fact is, if you were really interested enough to hang out at her house with her parents, you just would, no questions.
perhaps you just dont find her that interesting, or intriging or maybe you just dont like to feel awkward around her parents right now.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
im assuming that his fear of committment was just something for the story line to make it interesting for more people to want to watch it or something.
no one wants to watch a movie about ordinary normal every day life.