Mantra
Don Juan
Wise words from one so young! Good on ya Oxide.
Live well!
Live well!
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
The Fall of the Don Juan
- Thread starter Oxide
- Start date
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
DJBen
Master Don Juan
I think that ego tower needs to be picked out.
You see the problem with the ego tower, as Oxide has put it, is that you dont see it. You're looking through the window at the very top, at what looks to be an awesome garden. The colours are all there, but theres no detail. You think there are flowers, but it might just be red, yellow and purple coloured crisp packets for all you know. You cant see them from that great-aplha male- all seeing all knowing tower.
Everyone else is at the bottom of your tower. They can see the garden that you've made for yourself at the top of the tower. You were so worried about how good it looks from where you are, that you forgot about what materials you're using. All people see is an ugly collection of crap that you've forced upon yourself. This, for all purposes, is the ******* phase. You'll lay the crap out on the field and expect everyone to see it from your self-obsorbing tower.
The only problem is, do you want bloody flowers in your garden? Is that what rocks your boat? No. 'Cause the flowers are AFC.
Then you realise that you dont know jack from your tower and you need to climb down. You need to stop looking at that damn garden and take a walk through it. Right out to the other side. Just keep walking. Learn from all the new things you see, and notice that when you look back at that tower all those million miles away... although you couldnt see that big tower of ******* status... every other person anywhere near that tower can see it a mile off, and they dont wanna go near it.
well I for one know that I need to step down from the tower. I need to maybe give a little bit of respect back to my friends/family.. But I think it's probably more difficult to move away from the Mr ******* phase than the AFC, cause you've placed such a high value on yourself that you dont want to go down to the 'losers' level.
Well, great post. Maybe some of us have had a block or two taken away from our towers by this. I certainly know that I shouldnt be sitting so high now.
You see the problem with the ego tower, as Oxide has put it, is that you dont see it. You're looking through the window at the very top, at what looks to be an awesome garden. The colours are all there, but theres no detail. You think there are flowers, but it might just be red, yellow and purple coloured crisp packets for all you know. You cant see them from that great-aplha male- all seeing all knowing tower.
Everyone else is at the bottom of your tower. They can see the garden that you've made for yourself at the top of the tower. You were so worried about how good it looks from where you are, that you forgot about what materials you're using. All people see is an ugly collection of crap that you've forced upon yourself. This, for all purposes, is the ******* phase. You'll lay the crap out on the field and expect everyone to see it from your self-obsorbing tower.
The only problem is, do you want bloody flowers in your garden? Is that what rocks your boat? No. 'Cause the flowers are AFC.
Then you realise that you dont know jack from your tower and you need to climb down. You need to stop looking at that damn garden and take a walk through it. Right out to the other side. Just keep walking. Learn from all the new things you see, and notice that when you look back at that tower all those million miles away... although you couldnt see that big tower of ******* status... every other person anywhere near that tower can see it a mile off, and they dont wanna go near it.
well I for one know that I need to step down from the tower. I need to maybe give a little bit of respect back to my friends/family.. But I think it's probably more difficult to move away from the Mr ******* phase than the AFC, cause you've placed such a high value on yourself that you dont want to go down to the 'losers' level.
Well, great post. Maybe some of us have had a block or two taken away from our towers by this. I certainly know that I shouldnt be sitting so high now.
Six-String Samurai
Don Juan
Excellent post. Bravo! This should be stickied or added to the bible.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
squirrels
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2003
- Messages
- 6,620
- Reaction score
- 186
- Age
- 47
People say "just be yourself" is the worst tip in the world...because they know "themselves" to be shy, unsocial nerds and losers with women.
The truth is that this isn't who they are AT ALL. They've just been acting that way so long they've come to believe it's who they are.
The WHOLE truth is that there is no "I" and there is no "being me." There is only who you want to be.
There's the old adage that everyone is two people...one public and one private. The fact is that all of us are, and are capable of being, MANY people, depending on how we want to be at the time.
Being the "AFC" or the social recluse satisfies our fear drive. It does NOT satisfy our romantic drives, though. To satisfy THAT longing, the social, romantic, sexual longings, we have to deny our fears for that time.
The key is to find the balance between all of the drives going on inside "you" and how to best satisfy them all.
Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
More like the RISE of the Don Juan
Good post. Don't let all these accolades build you ego tower too high.
It's like the old Zen story where the neophyte goes through all sorts of trials to get back to the beginning. To break the years of bad conditioning that buried his true self.
Good post. Don't let all these accolades build you ego tower too high.
It's like the old Zen story where the neophyte goes through all sorts of trials to get back to the beginning. To break the years of bad conditioning that buried his true self.
TillTheEndOfTime
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2004
- Messages
- 1,930
- Reaction score
- 59
bla
Don't blame your previous problems on advice from places like these. You took the basic ideas, but bastardized them and twisted them. No where in the DJ bible or on this forum does it say to treat women like sh1t.
I got news for you. Playing the challenge card and hard to get only works when they don't have enough interest in you. You don't use it when she is obviously into you. That's just stupid.
You obviously took things to the extreme and did not fully understand the philosophy behind the advice. You took "jerk" too literally.
It's good however that you realized this and changed. However, realize then when you're saying, "I'm just being me now and having success" you are the person who has engrained all the advice so deep in your head that they have become subconscious actions.
"Just being yourself" is only effective when you've soaked in all the advice and ARE the person you want to be, not the person you were. It's a dangerous piece of advice that I choose to not even use at all. It's mostly counter-productive.
Don't blame your previous problems on advice from places like these. You took the basic ideas, but bastardized them and twisted them. No where in the DJ bible or on this forum does it say to treat women like sh1t.
I got news for you. Playing the challenge card and hard to get only works when they don't have enough interest in you. You don't use it when she is obviously into you. That's just stupid.
You obviously took things to the extreme and did not fully understand the philosophy behind the advice. You took "jerk" too literally.
It's good however that you realized this and changed. However, realize then when you're saying, "I'm just being me now and having success" you are the person who has engrained all the advice so deep in your head that they have become subconscious actions.
"Just being yourself" is only effective when you've soaked in all the advice and ARE the person you want to be, not the person you were. It's a dangerous piece of advice that I choose to not even use at all. It's mostly counter-productive.
SurfsupinHawaii
Don Juan
EPIC post brah.. seriously definitely brought back memories of my so called "evolution"...
everyone has to go through their own evolution and figure out that in the end you have to be happy with yourself before anyone else can. every DJ goes through the "a**hole" phase where they are cold and callous to females but they actually push away good females in the process.
i think a lot of it comes from experience as well as maturing. at 16 i would have killed for the self confidence and knowledge i have now.
but again man great post, hope that helped some of the younger guys who are uncertain about how to get the ball rolling in their favor. pretty much be confident in yourself and enjoy life.. thats whats ultimately important to me, being HAPPY. im in the Army and deal with a lot of b/s, could be worse though, im in Hawaii for another 1 1/2 years and on my free time i get to surf in one of the most beautiful places on earth..
ps - there is some game involved in the beginning, theres no way around that, but if im still playing games after chillin with them a few times than i know thats not gf material, seriously.. you should be playing the game but only for a lil bit to get her attention and interest and then its up to you to be a good guy and keep her satisfied all around..
everyone has to go through their own evolution and figure out that in the end you have to be happy with yourself before anyone else can. every DJ goes through the "a**hole" phase where they are cold and callous to females but they actually push away good females in the process.
i think a lot of it comes from experience as well as maturing. at 16 i would have killed for the self confidence and knowledge i have now.
but again man great post, hope that helped some of the younger guys who are uncertain about how to get the ball rolling in their favor. pretty much be confident in yourself and enjoy life.. thats whats ultimately important to me, being HAPPY. im in the Army and deal with a lot of b/s, could be worse though, im in Hawaii for another 1 1/2 years and on my free time i get to surf in one of the most beautiful places on earth..
ps - there is some game involved in the beginning, theres no way around that, but if im still playing games after chillin with them a few times than i know thats not gf material, seriously.. you should be playing the game but only for a lil bit to get her attention and interest and then its up to you to be a good guy and keep her satisfied all around..
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
VIVAlasVEGASBaby
Senior Don Juan
BUMP! - Great post ox
I don't think this is such a great post. Basically he's saying once a girl likes you, start to be more of a kiss ass. If women don't like your "*******" attitude, tough shyt!!!! This is about setting ground rules, YOUR GROUND RULES. When that bytch told you that you were being too difficult, you should have told her to go find someone less difficult if she doesn't like it. Supplicating to women will never work. Hold your ground, and play it by YOUR rules. If that turns her off...too fvcking bad....
I want to quickly qualify what I just said, and give an example. When you let a woman dictate the terms of anything, the balance of power shifts towards her. Women quickly try to establish this power shift in very subtle ways. If you give in, you're not only giving her the power in a relationship, but you're doing what 99.9 percent of men do. But when you say no, It's not going to be that way, you're establishing that you won't be pushed around from the get go. Some women will think you're being an "Azzhole" for doing this. But are you really being an ******* just because you didn't let her get her way? If that's being an azzhole...so be it.
Numerous times online, and in person, I've asked women for their phone numbers. Usually you'll get the "well can we just talk for awhile first" or "I'm just not comfortable giving it out"...she's trying to gain the power....DON'T LET HER. ...I usually say "No thanks, I prefer to get your number, and if you're not comfortable with that, have a nice night" I'd say about 80 percent of the time, you'll hear back from them offering their number. It doesn't always work, but it does show her that not all guys will give in.
Numerous times online, and in person, I've asked women for their phone numbers. Usually you'll get the "well can we just talk for awhile first" or "I'm just not comfortable giving it out"...she's trying to gain the power....DON'T LET HER. ...I usually say "No thanks, I prefer to get your number, and if you're not comfortable with that, have a nice night" I'd say about 80 percent of the time, you'll hear back from them offering their number. It doesn't always work, but it does show her that not all guys will give in.
OK, I will write in reply to the original post.. Cause I was not sure if I was the ONLY ONE HERE thinking that this whole SS.com thing is a great tool in discovering the real MAN in me and picking up girls, but I soon found out that it all comes down to the truth - we click with some, we don't click with others..
I'm actually going back to "the old me" but with a lot of knowledge I would never get on my own.. And it gave me BALLS. Sure, I was ballsy before, but now it's rock solid.. It also gave me a hint about a woman's train of thought.. And a lot of self-discovery.. I stopped doing everything BY THE BOOK and am just being my free self now..
Mr.Fortesque
Don Juan
good one!:cheer:
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
JackPrescott
Banned
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2005
- Messages
- 860
- Reaction score
- 7
Do you have a large porno collection and a right hand that is heavily callused?" The reason we are here is that we ARE obsessed with women, read the Bible, the Koran, any of the Greek or Roman Mythologies, or any play by Shakespeare. It's all about SEXUAL LOVE. "God knew that is was not good for man to be alone"....thats Genesis, the first few paragraphs.
Any woman out there half way decent looking is having regular sex, either with a boyfriend, a fiancee or a hubby, because SHE can and she WANTS to. Men? We are the "hunters" We have to put up with all the BS in the dating scene, the Kino stuff, the AFC the hitting on 25 girls a night, all in the hopes of waking up naked next to a halfways decent one. All of this and we have to deal with competition as well, Frat Boys living off of daddy's money, or a trust fund, or the ghetto rats that certain women seem to idolize. Now we have to deal with other women as the competition as well, as bisexual females are beginning to further thin out the ranks of available women for heterosexual men. Add that to the fact that there is a really ROTTEN ratio of men to women. Last night at an Irish pub (given it was a Monday night) I sat and counted, there were about 32 folks there, and about 4 of them were women, including the bartender. Sausage Factory time, folks. In America this is horrid. I have heard stories of numbers in the far East, in like Bangkok, or the Phillipines, where the ladies outnumber the men. Imagine that? That would be the f**king Garden of Eden if it was like that. Imagine the scenario at that same bar, O'Malleys, if there were 28 single women, and 4 guys?
It be a scene out of the film "Caligula"
Don Juanabbe
Master Don Juan
I think being yourself has more to do with having the guts to do just that. There's nothing wrong with being yourself as long as you respect who that person is, and there's an awful lot of young dudes who come on here who do not have that respect for themselves.
I do think that nobody comes away from this site unchanged. I don't think it changes a person's personality in as much as it gives you the guts to project your personality, the guts to cut through all the bullsh*t and project your true manhood and your true sexuality.
As long as you have the confidence to let your charisma shine and have the confidence to make the right choice regarding who you are pursuing, you can't really f*ck up.
This site is not about learning how to be a jerk, or an arsehole, but in the early stages, it's natural for a Dj to become that. Then the pendulum swings back and settles somewhere in the middle.
This site is all about taking ownership of the problems that are holding you back and fixing them.
This site is also all about learning what are mistakes in the dating/relationship game and not making them, more than it is about becoming something else.
I think once you embrace yourself and respect yourself, the true changes start to come about.
You'll carry yourself better, you'll have a healthier lifestyle and a healthier outlook on life, I.e. abadoning low energy bullsh*t, not wasting your time pursing uninterested women, basically not chumping yourself through life and shortchangin the man in the mirror.
That's how we become more attractive and better men, and live happier lives, rather than this unhealthy pursuit of women who aren't worth your effort.
Once this sh*t really starts setting in, you can be your true self, the self that lurks underneath your hangups and insecurities, the true Dj with his inner game intact.
I am essentially not a different person since I came on here, it's just the man underneath has emerged and blossomed (for want of a better word) with confidence, and is taking responsibility for my own happiness, spirituality and everything else.
I truly own my life now and that's about as empowering as you can get.
If a certain woman ain't interested, f*ck it. There's another one around the corner more than willing to suck my ****.
If I get rejected f*ck it, there's another one around the corner more than willing to suck my ****.
Do I go around hurting or abusing women? F*ck no, but I also don't go around worrying about that and letting it limit my possibilities.
Once you perfect this outlook, the ironic thing is you won't need weak-arsed sh*t like lines, tactics and games, because you'll know what's what and see the reality of a given situation and take it from there.
The most important thing to me is recognising reality and not wasting your time on unintersted parties. Once you can weed out the uninterested ones that take too much work and give little return, you'll be coasting.
There is a balance between the ego tower, which won't allow you to see the reality of this sh*t and having plain old self respect.
The ego tower is dangerous and is exactly the kind of AFC sh*t that brings alot of guys here in the first place.
The ego tower must be completely toppled because it leads guys into doing too much crazy sh*t like not recognising a no win situation and pulling the rip cord at the right time.
But self respect, good insights and instincts are f*cking golden.
Actually, I think I recall a thread on trying to reach a state of egolessness. It's pretty important sh*t as it's the kinda thing that keeps you from catching oneitus and getting LJBF'd. I've had so many pleasant surprises in my romantic life since coming here and alot of it is down to simply not giving a f*ck.
I do think that nobody comes away from this site unchanged. I don't think it changes a person's personality in as much as it gives you the guts to project your personality, the guts to cut through all the bullsh*t and project your true manhood and your true sexuality.
As long as you have the confidence to let your charisma shine and have the confidence to make the right choice regarding who you are pursuing, you can't really f*ck up.
This site is not about learning how to be a jerk, or an arsehole, but in the early stages, it's natural for a Dj to become that. Then the pendulum swings back and settles somewhere in the middle.
This site is all about taking ownership of the problems that are holding you back and fixing them.
This site is also all about learning what are mistakes in the dating/relationship game and not making them, more than it is about becoming something else.
I think once you embrace yourself and respect yourself, the true changes start to come about.
You'll carry yourself better, you'll have a healthier lifestyle and a healthier outlook on life, I.e. abadoning low energy bullsh*t, not wasting your time pursing uninterested women, basically not chumping yourself through life and shortchangin the man in the mirror.
That's how we become more attractive and better men, and live happier lives, rather than this unhealthy pursuit of women who aren't worth your effort.
Once this sh*t really starts setting in, you can be your true self, the self that lurks underneath your hangups and insecurities, the true Dj with his inner game intact.
I am essentially not a different person since I came on here, it's just the man underneath has emerged and blossomed (for want of a better word) with confidence, and is taking responsibility for my own happiness, spirituality and everything else.
I truly own my life now and that's about as empowering as you can get.
If a certain woman ain't interested, f*ck it. There's another one around the corner more than willing to suck my ****.
If I get rejected f*ck it, there's another one around the corner more than willing to suck my ****.
Do I go around hurting or abusing women? F*ck no, but I also don't go around worrying about that and letting it limit my possibilities.
Once you perfect this outlook, the ironic thing is you won't need weak-arsed sh*t like lines, tactics and games, because you'll know what's what and see the reality of a given situation and take it from there.
The most important thing to me is recognising reality and not wasting your time on unintersted parties. Once you can weed out the uninterested ones that take too much work and give little return, you'll be coasting.
There is a balance between the ego tower, which won't allow you to see the reality of this sh*t and having plain old self respect.
The ego tower is dangerous and is exactly the kind of AFC sh*t that brings alot of guys here in the first place.
The ego tower must be completely toppled because it leads guys into doing too much crazy sh*t like not recognising a no win situation and pulling the rip cord at the right time.
But self respect, good insights and instincts are f*cking golden.
Actually, I think I recall a thread on trying to reach a state of egolessness. It's pretty important sh*t as it's the kinda thing that keeps you from catching oneitus and getting LJBF'd. I've had so many pleasant surprises in my romantic life since coming here and alot of it is down to simply not giving a f*ck.
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In reply to the original post, AMEN BROTHER!!
I can totally relate to your post especially the azzhole phase, yep been there too, glad that's all over.
This reminds me of one of Master of The Universe's posts entitled 'My Current Thoughts of Seduction'
Seems like most people go through the same process and come through the other side, like it has been said before, becoming a DJ is not all about attracting women, it is about being a real man.
I can totally relate to your post especially the azzhole phase, yep been there too, glad that's all over.
This reminds me of one of Master of The Universe's posts entitled 'My Current Thoughts of Seduction'
Seems like most people go through the same process and come through the other side, like it has been said before, becoming a DJ is not all about attracting women, it is about being a real man.
KIT
New Member
Great post... an eye opener!!!
I've been surfing the site for four years now. I have my share of failures and success and still learning until now. But my life is definitely a lot happier and fulfilled since then. This is my first time to post a reply and just got registered. I don’t want to let this topic pass.
This is a definitely a classic. Confused and doubting DJs should take the advice by heart and all the rest will follow. DJs need to feel good about him and do something about it. This requires hardwork and determination coz there are no rules and shortcuts in being a DJ. With the help of this site and great guys here, being a DJ is definitely not a myth.
I've been surfing the site for four years now. I have my share of failures and success and still learning until now. But my life is definitely a lot happier and fulfilled since then. This is my first time to post a reply and just got registered. I don’t want to let this topic pass.
This is a definitely a classic. Confused and doubting DJs should take the advice by heart and all the rest will follow. DJs need to feel good about him and do something about it. This requires hardwork and determination coz there are no rules and shortcuts in being a DJ. With the help of this site and great guys here, being a DJ is definitely not a myth.
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.