The Enemy of Success

[Mr Wright]

A little tip for guys who are going out to clubs and not getting great success.

The enemy of success in clubs is not rejection, as far as I'm concern I can get rejected 20 times in a night. The probably is actually talking to a girl for around half hour when she has no real interest in you. You sticking around longer isn't going to suddenly make her like you, her mind will be made up pretty quickly. When I go out with my mates I see them talking to girls who are just having a friendly chat with them, they're not repulsed by them, hell they probably think they're a nice guy. But it's just a chat. She may even be laughing and joking back but unless shes attracted to you, it's pointless.

The issue is actually realising whether she is attracted to you or not. There are two ways you can tell if shes attracted.

The first is to move with her. Simple thing here, if a girl is not attracted to you she will not move with you. I say something like "I'm just heading outside for two minutes to get some air, keep me company." If she says yes, she is probably attracted to you and this is where busy nightclubs are good because you can hold her hand and walk her through the crowd outside. Most of the time when I first kiss a girl, it is outside, I just prefer it because it's a bit more personal. Rule of thumb to follow is that if she moves she is attracted and if you can hold her hand you can probably kiss her too.

The second way to see if she actually likes you is to qualify her, which if used correctly is a great way to gauge attraction. I dont want to get into weird PUA lingo but qualification is simply screening the girl. If you screen her and bring up topics that are in the future or past, if she likes you, she will consciously or subconsciously try to fit into the role you are creating. For example if you say "are you the jealous type?" you're implying that you are thinking about something more than tonight(even if you're not) she will try to fit into the acceptable role because she doesn't want to put you off. Just think about what every other guy does, when girls qualify guys, they try to agree with everything she says because they think if they match up to her standards, they are going to make her like him. I only qualify girls on things I am genuinely interested about, since I'm a live for the moment guy I ask if they're the same and if they say yes, you've actually got a pass to pull some crazy crap later on.

Either way staying in the conversation and ploughing is pretty much pointless. Spend 20-30 minutes talking to a girl even if she is interested, at this point get her number or try to take her home. If you're still learning, you wont get that much benefit from talking to a girl for 2-3 hours in one night because chances are you will fvck it up.

 

[Uncharted]

Rep on the "moving her" thing. I had a thread a week or so ago on this (don't mean to x-post) http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=206855

If you can move her or isolate her, you can take her home. It's an easy quick test to see if she actually wants to be with you. If she makes ANY excuse, time to leave.


Another thing on the time spent on each chick. If you leave after a few minutes, she will wonder why you're not like every other guy who is just talking to her the entire time. If she's interested and she sees you talking to another girl at some point, her interest will skyrocket. Jelly game.

 

[Mike32ct]

Agreed. Rejection isn't the problem. The problem is your rejections being seen by other women. Generally, you can do more approaches in a larger venue and less in a smaller venues for this reason.

Back on topic, yes, I agree that it's very important for DJs to know the difference between friendliness and attraction.

Moving is a good way to tell. Trying kino is good too. Or dance with her and test her attraction based on how she dances with you.

 

[TheException]

know the difference between friendliness and attraction.

This^

All to often members post scenarios where they think the girl likes them because they had "great conversation" on their date....lol. Moving, qualifying, screening and all that is good, but it really comes down to one thing....physical escalation. The other things are indicators of how receptive she is going to be to escalation. So you can move a girl around all you want....you can get her to qualify herself to you all night.....BUT UNLESS you read her reactions right and ESCALATE.....it doesnt mean squat.

 

[Mr Wright]

BUT UNLESS you read her reactions right and ESCALATE.....it doesnt mean squat.

Agreed, I think 80% of getting good at this is just awareness. Being aware of if she likes you, being aware of where you are in the interaction and being aware of what to do next. If you sort that out, everything else will definitely come, so guys need to keep those checkpoints in mind. Try to move her, if she doesnt move, go back and try to attract her some more, if that doesnt work again move on...rinse and repeat. Throw out small qualifiers, if she answers, throw out a slightly bigger one and so on.

 

[nismo-4]

Always call a woman's bluff. Unless you want to be in the friendzone.

Read her signals. If you get mixed signals, that means low interest. A woman who is interested in you won't confuse you. I have yet to see a woman throw mixed signals to Brad Pitt, maybe if another equal celeb like Channing Tatum or Johnny Depp is around.

But if she pulls that "go to the bathroom" sh*t, drop her ass.

Above all, CALL HER F**KIN' BLUFF!

Case closed.