The dont do this list, corrections? Comments? Additions?

[JohnnyStrabler]

I know DJs are almost always against list. However I am tired of going out with a girl and then doing something that will make her NOT call then checking back with you guys and/or the Book of Pook/John Alexander/Tom Leykis or Roissy and realized "ooopss I shouldnt have done that" Believe me I dont want to add a 30 step bureaucratic process to dating (although, it will be efficient, but not as fun)

so here is what I got so far (based on the materials here, and from Roissy mainly and Tom Leykis) and probably goes against what we were conditioned to do


Don't do the following.

1. Text/call back immediately after a date
2. Try to assist her in any way (outside of the date, even when she asks you...always ask whats in it for you)
3. Open doors
4. Pull out chairs
5. Compliment her
6. Focus on one girl
7. Listen to her problems
8. Cuddle
9. Stick around after sex (be out in about 3 minutes, 5 minutes tops, dont take off socks to be faster)
10. Be completely honest at all times
11. Stare at her
12. NOT making eye contact when YOU are talking
13. talk too much
14. Answer questions directly
15. [If you are in an LTR] be afraid to exert physical pressure (NOT beat her as bad like Chris Brown, but maybe grab her arm tight when she is being out of line OR pin her against a wall, backhanding her is still controversial) *
16. Tell her you love her
17. Pay for her stuff
18. Be afraid to say no
19. Put her before your business/life/friends/money
20. Talk too fast
21. Repeat jokes
22. Lean into her
23. Constantly smile
24. Constantly agree with her
25. Laugh at her jokes all the time, unless its really, really that funny
26. Rely too heavily on little, tiny bit of IOI
27. Stutter
28. Apologize too much
29. Ask too many questions than necessary
30. Hold her drink/purse/w.e for her
31. Talk smack about somebody else
32. Show submission to someone else
33. NOT have fun (ok double negative lol)
34. Comply easily unless its "no"
35. Afraid to answer your phone
36. Tolerate her when she touches her phone
37. Kill her


*this is touchy, check your State laws. Better yet, ask a lawyer friend (you DO have a lawyer friend? Right?)

feel free to comment, add, discuss

 

[Kirro]

I'm gonna regard this as a joke post because it just has to be. While there's merit in the post, I feel that things like this make guys too neurotic about dating/mating thus it begins to be more mechanical.

 

[JohnnyStrabler]

38. Be neurotic/mechanical
39. Be unnatural

(?) lol

 

[joverby]

Rule #39 contridicts the list entirely which I think is the problem. If you have to think that much about it and adhere to a rule list, that's pretty unnatural.

 

[JohnnyStrabler]

I disagree, these things IMHO are pretty basic stuff actually, I just broke it down as much as I can. Basically it can actually be condensed to "Amused Mastery" type of behavior as Roissy would have said it OR being a DJ as pook would say.

I do believe that if you do certain things in a certain way, you get different results, for example if you put the cover at the blender before pressing the button, well you get the point.

I see it as social reprogramming. You see how paying for dinner feels "natural" and the "right thing" to do? Its sorta like that except you do the opposite

 

[Kallaz]

Damn, some of this stuff is hard. I wouldn't feel comfortable not doing some of these things.

I see it as social reprogramming. You see how paying for dinner feels "natural" and the "right thing" to do? Its sorta like that except you do the opposite

I see...

 

[JohnnyStrabler]

Damn, some of this stuff is hard. I wouldn't feel comfortable not doing some of these things.

Actually, I think a lot of DJs already did (or did not?)do some things on these list e.g. #1, there is a whole thread about no contact and about clinginess

 

[joverby]

Well it would clearly be unnatural until you "made it" be natural through your reprogramming. I am actually fighting w/ myself and "reprogramming" right now. I think it has A LOT to do with being raised by my mom and not much of a dad being around. And to top it off I started to notice my mom is REALLY insecure / needy.

I believe she passed those traits onto me. I started realizing it more as I've been frequenting this sight and becomming more independant.

A lot of things could also be condensed into, "just be yourself." And don't put the biznatch ona pedestool. The constantly smiling / agreeing w/ her etc....Those types of things becasue if you were truly yourself (AND/OR didnt put her on a pedelstool) they wouldn't be a problem.

 

[JohnnyStrabler]

Well it would clearly be unnatural until you "made it" be natural through your reprogramming. I am actually fighting w/ myself and "reprogramming" right now. I think it has A LOT to do with being raised by my mom and not much of a dad being around. And to top it off I started to notice my mom is REALLY insecure / needy.

I believe she passed those traits onto me. I started realizing it more as I've been frequenting this sight and becomming more independant.

A lot of things could also be condensed into, "just be yourself." And don't put the biznatch ona pedestool. The constantly smiling / agreeing w/ her etc....Those types of things becasue if you were truly yourself (AND/OR didnt put her on a pedelstool) they wouldn't be a problem.

I think we were all raised to be more feminized. Me and my dad just dont talk about chasing girls lol

Anyway, careful now, just remember how some chumps ended up in the situation they are in now; by "being themselves" which I think is a contradictory advice anyway, think about it, can anyone really be someone they are not?

Also, what if being themselves mean to act like chumps? Also what does that mean? "Self"? If congruency of behaviors we are talking about then think about this; we treat our parents different, we treat our family members different, we treat our friends different. Therefore, does that mean we are NOT being ourselves?

I think I might agree with my professor when he said that there is no true "self".....woah

 

[JohnnyStrabler]

40. Afraid to be a human male

 

[joverby]

I thought about that counter arguement after posting the just be yourself thing. I just meant that with friends or family you don't feel obligated to laugh at every joke, smile all the time, agree with everything they say.

Because your are confident that no matter what your opinion is or what you're feeling they will still be a part of your life and want to have a relationship with you(no homo).

The reason someone would HAVE to follow said rules is because they have put her on a pedelstool and feel like they must do those "nice" things otherwise she won't like him. If he is confident with himself and realizes he can get other girls and doesn't get prematurely emotionally invested these things aren't an issue.

The real issue are not following these rules themselves per se but establishing self worth / confidence and security in people who are clearly lacking these things.

 

[JohnnyStrabler]

I thought about that counter arguement after posting the just be yourself thing. I just meant that with friends or family you don't feel obligated to laugh at every joke, smile all the time, agree with everything they say.

Because your are confident that no matter what your opinion is or what you're feeling they will still be a part of your life and want to have a relationship with you(no homo).

The reason someone would HAVE to follow said rules is because they have put her on a pedelstool and feel like they must do those "nice" things otherwise she won't like him. If he is confident with himself and realizes he can get other girls and doesn't get prematurely emotionally invested these things aren't an issue.

Oh of course, you are right putting women in a pedestal is a by-product of lack self confidence. However, the list is to help piece that together with the whole confidence thing. Sorta like fake it til you make it kind of deal to hopefully help out the new people. Success breeds success.

Also check out the sig (that apparently did not get posted lol). Its a link to this thread daring anyone to violate this list and see if they succeed with women. Go ahead fellas, tell her you love her, right now! Text her that! If my list is really BS as you say then do it!

 

[joverby]

I don't think the list is wrong or BS really, cause those things will scare chicks off for sure. Although some of these rules only apply to chicks you just started dating / just want to **** once as opposed to LTR. (Mainly the take off immediately after ****ing)

I guess it's kind of multi-purpose. The don't do this as a band-aid type fix and a self relization type thing. I just know that without truly changing themselves / self confidence they(myself included) that it's just a matter of time before they **** up and start acting all AFC.

 

[SoSuaveDude]

wtf!? you can open a door for her if you want. **** is not that serious... I agree that pulling out a chair for her is a definate no though..

 

[Iceberg]

wtf!? you can open a door for her if you want. **** is not that serious... I agree that pulling out a chair for her is a definate no though..

Agreed.

I can hold doors, stick around after sex, and compliment a woman.

That type of stuff hurts you if you're already a pus*y. But if you're a normal, cool, man...it'll take more than a few compliments and a door-holding to make a woman think less of you.

 

[JohnnyStrabler]

I don't think the list is wrong or BS really, cause those things will scare chicks off for sure. Although some of these rules only apply to chicks you just started dating / just want to **** once as opposed to LTR. (Mainly the take off immediately after ****ing)

I guess it's kind of multi-purpose. The don't do this as a band-aid type fix and a self relization type thing. I just know that without truly changing themselves / self confidence they(myself included) that it's just a matter of time before they **** up and start acting all AFC.

True that they need confidence. However, where do they draw this confidence from?

You might say, "achievements" but then those achievements will only boost your confidence on that particular field.

For example I am confident on my skills as a martial artist. And your common chump (dont mean to stereotype here) might be confident on his knowledge of anime and they will school you about how Bleach is the best anime.

Then one must ask themselves what the eff does those things have to do with getting women? Do I give her a right hook to the face?

IDK man, I kinda think unorthodox sometimes and I think that success with women will breed confidence with women, and confidence with women will breed success with women and success with women.....see the cycle? So yeah my approach is fake it til you make it.

 

[JohnnyStrabler]

Agreed.

I can hold doors, stick around after sex, and compliment a woman.

That type of stuff hurts you if you're already a pus*y. But if you're a normal, cool, man...it'll take more than a few compliments and a door-holding to make a woman think less of you.

Actually, leaving right after sex can only help you. Not everyone is Iceberg bro.

http://www.epjournal.net/filestore/EP08275283.pdf

So what does this have to do with leaving a woman’s company soon after sex? Much can be inferred from the study results in the quote above. For instance, if women use sex to keep a mate satisfied and his mind off chasing other women, then a hasty post-coitus skedaddle undermines her mate guarding efforts; she will be compelled to try even harder in the sack next time. And as I’ve noted before, a solid, healthy relationship rests on a foundation of the woman chasing the man. The day your woman succeeds at guarding you is the day you begin the slide into betahood, infrequent sex, cuckoldry, and eventual breakup.

Source: http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/07/16/why-you-should-leave-after-sex/

it has to do with back in the caveman days.

Before you open that link though, its Evolutionary Psychology. It makes sense. Attraction and dating does not. However, I am an INTJ and I need data in order to plan ahead.



Awwwww I run out of posts will reply further tomorrow

 

[Lexington]

The don't open doors or pull chairs should be removed. These actions can be quite gentlemanly and very effective if you maintain the right frame.

 

[Kirro]

True that they need confidence. However, where do they draw this confidence from?

As confidence is something intangible, no one could know for sure. However a lot of confident people feel that way when they have abilities or possessions of value or that may impress others. There's also people who have had a natural charisma/charm since they could speak.

You might say, "achievements" but then those achievements will only boost your confidence on that particular field.

Not always, the idea is that your achievements improve your overall mood thus making you feel positive in other areas.

For example I am confident on my skills as a martial artist. And your common chump (dont mean to stereotype here) might be confident on his knowledge of anime and they will school you about how Bleach is the best anime.

I'll take this one as is, which one do you think will turn a chick on faster? Your ability to kick my solar plexus into the sun or a nerd's debating skills about Ichigo vs Capt. Commander Yamamoto? Even nerdy chicks are attracted to a lot of the same stuff typical girls are.

Then one must ask themselves what the eff does those things have to do with getting women? Do I give her a right hook to the face?

LOLno. The idea is that you could right hook most people to the face & end it if they stepped outta line. Also there are certain benefits to being fit & muscled up. Physical attraction, she's probably wondering if you'll rail her all night since you do all that cardio etc.

IDK man, I kinda think unorthodox sometimes and I think that success with women will breed confidence with women, and confidence with women will breed success with women and success with women.....see the cycle? So yeah my approach is fake it til you make it.

I do agree that you can fake it till you make it but we're all different, some will "reprogram" themselves faster than others. Some will be stuck faking it until they get exposed & others won't have to fake anything at all. & very few will just be lucky.

 

[JohnnyStrabler]

As confidence is something intangible, no one could know for sure. However a lot of confident people feel that way when they have abilities or possessions of value or that may impress others. There's also people who have had a natural charisma/charm since they could speak.

They have something exactly! We will be confident when we have notches under our belt. And our AFC does not have any, really.

Not always, the idea is that your achievements improve your overall mood thus making you feel positive in other areas.

Feeling positive does not automatically means he will have the cojones to actually try the thing.

I'll take this one as is, which one do you think will turn a chick on faster? Your ability to kick my solar plexus into the sun or a nerd's debating skills about Ichigo vs Capt. Commander Yamamoto? Even nerdy chicks are attracted to a lot of the same stuff typical girls are.

The point is not about what turns women on, see answer below.

LOLno. The idea is that you could right hook most people to the face & end it if they stepped outta line. Also there are certain benefits to being fit & muscled up. Physical attraction, she's probably wondering if you'll rail her all night since you do all that cardio etc.

The point I am making (even in my posts/answers above) is that though some people might have confidence in one area, it does not mean that they will be confident in another. As the example I gave above I have confidence in my martial arts skill, but it does not mean I will have confidence in, lets say, Organic Chemistry. The same with our chump that I gave as an example, he might be confident with his knowledge with anime but it does not mean he will be confident with martial arts, women, organic chem etc. So as I said in my post again, if he is not confident with women, he will never get laid and if wont get laid he wont be confident and the cycle goes on. This list, hopefully, will be like a guide (I just used "guide" for lack of a better term) for the little things that surprisingly matters, just until they make it.


also:

41. Hate women (read: Don't hate women for doing what is in their nature)