The Difference in Your Life While Trying to Get a Girl and Having One

[DarkCityNight]

While many of us are trying to get a girl, we do things that we wouldn't normally do- go to bars, clubs, social events, etc. In general we spend a lot of energy on things some of us don't even like but feel are necessary to put yourself out there to meet someone.

And often without much success. I personally have trouble with the whole pre-girlfriend interactions. When I've had a girlfriend, I can use all the DJ prinicpals to keep her interested with no problem though. It just comes naturally while I am in a relationship, just not before. I'm wondering if anyone else is like this too.

So for me and probably many of you, the issue while trying to get a girlfriend is that you spend a lot of energy doing things that don't make you happy (bars, clubs) instead of doing things that do (but require a gf) like going for walks in the evening, going out to dinner, or just simple things like hanging out and enjoying each other's company.

I don't even know what kind of question to ask of you guys. Sometimes when we are close to a situation we stop seeing things clearly. Maybe the solution is clear to you but not to me. I've been stuck feeling like this for awhile and could use some advice. Thanks in advance

 

[High Voltage]

When I first started trying to get a girl I would go to bars/clubs for that purpose. But after a few months I realized that I would never find the type of girl for me in those places.

Initially I didn't like dance clubs, but now I really like to go to them periodically with friends for the music, the dancing, the atmosphere in general. I don't even notice the girls and if one ever approached me there I would certainly turn them down. I'm just not interested anymore.

I came to the realization that if it wasn't fun, then why do it? Having a girl or not does not impact my life as, for example, getting an education. I'm willing to do things that don't make me happy for my education, but not to get a girl.

While this viewpoint may reduce my opportunities (I don't do cold approaches either), it really doesn't matter. I'm completely happy having a few opportunities to pick up a month becase:

1. I *know* I can get the girl
2. Girls simply aren't important to me

Hope this helps the question you didn't ask.

- HV

 

[squirrels]

Ask yourself why you don't like engaging in "social events". Is it because you have a genuine disinterest in what's going on? Or is it because it makes you uncomfortable and afraid due to your social awkwardness.

There's a difference between not LIKING hanging out with and chatting up girls at clubs and social gatherings and trying to CONVINCE yourself that you don't like it because you're either scared of it or not good at it.

Both of which can be cured by doing.

 

[NewMan]

you spend a lot of energy doing things that don't make you happy (bars, clubs) instead of doing things that do (but require a gf) like going for walks in the evening, going out to dinner, or just simple things like hanging out and enjoying each other's company.

I go out to bars a lot.

That's not because I want a girl or am looking for a girl - it's because I enjoy the atmosphere - I enjoy hanging out grabbing drinks with friends.

It's a socila situation and I don't go there with the only purpose to find women.

Of course it's great that there are girls there to pick up on - but it's not the ipso factor reason for being there.

 

[A.J. Stanson]

If bars/clubs make you nervous, you should just try and pick-up girls elsewhere. In fact, bars/clubs are probably the worst possible place to pick-up girls, unless you are very good looking and/or a master don juan.