The "inner loser"
I'm not a natural. I was on my way to being one, but then puberty kicked in at 12/13 and completely changed my looks. No joke.
Looks started coming back at around age 18....
Needless to say, high school was painful and lonely.
I started getting girls around 18, but I had serious one-itis and if you looked up the word "chump" in the dictionary, you would see my picture.
I got divorced in my early 30's.
At this point in my life, I consider it a slow week if I don't bang 3 different women.
These are not ugly hags....Some are so beautiful that I've seen guys run into sh#t because they were staring so hard at them instead of paying attention to where they were walking
Yes, I'm a pretty good looking guy with a good career and nice house/car/hobbies....bla bla blah.....
But I'm not a natural. My adolesence was corrupted by my feelings of being unattractive to women which manifested into poor communication skills/shyness..
This results in what I like to call the "inner loser"
No matter how successful you become with chicks, there seems to be that nagging inner voice that tries to drag you down and f*%k up your game with self doubt.
I feel that "naturals" simply don't have this inner voice because it did not get a chance to develop in their youth.
So what do you do if you have this inner voice ?
I read a story once about an athlete that was not as naturally gifted as others, but he had a secret weapon ;
"Pain is my friend, because I know that the other guy is feeling the same pain as I am, but I know that I can take it and he can't !"
In other words, he was not bigger/stronger/faster than the other guy, but he still won because he dug deep and found an advantage that gave him an edge over the other guys.......A mind that could handle more pain.
Your inner loser is simply an emotional reflex that sets an alarm in your brain when you set yourself up for an uncomfortable situation (approaching a chick for example).
Your mind remembers an emotional pain and sends a "be careful !" signal which then throws a monkey wrench into your body language/speech.
Why ? Because your emotions are afraid of pain. But what if you were not afraid of pain ? The "inner loser" would lose its power.
Remember the story of the athlete. Was he afraid of pain ? Hell no ! he embraced it.
I am not advocating masochism. Rather, I am telling you that your fear of rejection is not a fear of actually being rejected. It is a fear of the PAIN of being rejected.
Emotional pain is temporary in nature. If you approach it with this mindset, gradually you cease being scared of emotional pain.
So when you see a chick at the bar, your inner loser will sound the alarm, but then you have to tell it, "Even if I get rejected by this babe, there could be another one for me in 5 minutes, or 2 hours, or tomorrrow, or next week, or next month....the pain I get from rejection will be temporary because I will replace it...so go ahead, I'll use the rejection pain to my own advantage by fueling my optomism "
Like the unnatural athlete you learn to win by digging deep and finding your advantage. The natural STARTS the game with an advantage, but that doesn't mean he will beat you at the END....
I'm not a natural. I was on my way to being one, but then puberty kicked in at 12/13 and completely changed my looks. No joke.
Looks started coming back at around age 18....
Needless to say, high school was painful and lonely.
I started getting girls around 18, but I had serious one-itis and if you looked up the word "chump" in the dictionary, you would see my picture.
I got divorced in my early 30's.
At this point in my life, I consider it a slow week if I don't bang 3 different women.
These are not ugly hags....Some are so beautiful that I've seen guys run into sh#t because they were staring so hard at them instead of paying attention to where they were walking
Yes, I'm a pretty good looking guy with a good career and nice house/car/hobbies....bla bla blah.....
But I'm not a natural. My adolesence was corrupted by my feelings of being unattractive to women which manifested into poor communication skills/shyness..
This results in what I like to call the "inner loser"
No matter how successful you become with chicks, there seems to be that nagging inner voice that tries to drag you down and f*%k up your game with self doubt.
I feel that "naturals" simply don't have this inner voice because it did not get a chance to develop in their youth.
So what do you do if you have this inner voice ?
I read a story once about an athlete that was not as naturally gifted as others, but he had a secret weapon ;
"Pain is my friend, because I know that the other guy is feeling the same pain as I am, but I know that I can take it and he can't !"
In other words, he was not bigger/stronger/faster than the other guy, but he still won because he dug deep and found an advantage that gave him an edge over the other guys.......A mind that could handle more pain.
Your inner loser is simply an emotional reflex that sets an alarm in your brain when you set yourself up for an uncomfortable situation (approaching a chick for example).
Your mind remembers an emotional pain and sends a "be careful !" signal which then throws a monkey wrench into your body language/speech.
Why ? Because your emotions are afraid of pain. But what if you were not afraid of pain ? The "inner loser" would lose its power.
Remember the story of the athlete. Was he afraid of pain ? Hell no ! he embraced it.
I am not advocating masochism. Rather, I am telling you that your fear of rejection is not a fear of actually being rejected. It is a fear of the PAIN of being rejected.
Emotional pain is temporary in nature. If you approach it with this mindset, gradually you cease being scared of emotional pain.
So when you see a chick at the bar, your inner loser will sound the alarm, but then you have to tell it, "Even if I get rejected by this babe, there could be another one for me in 5 minutes, or 2 hours, or tomorrrow, or next week, or next month....the pain I get from rejection will be temporary because I will replace it...so go ahead, I'll use the rejection pain to my own advantage by fueling my optomism "
Like the unnatural athlete you learn to win by digging deep and finding your advantage. The natural STARTS the game with an advantage, but that doesn't mean he will beat you at the END....