The Death of a Dream: The Real Cost of Divorce

[Julian]

Thats tough sir. Cant imagine that feel

 

[latinnova]

Marriage is a minefield. If only fifty percent of land mines actually blow up, are you really going to walk across that field telling yourself that not all land mines are like that?

Are you going to willingly enter a game of Russian Roulette where there are three live rounds out of the six chambers in the gun? Are you really going to hand someone (her) a loaded gun (marriage), and then beg her not to pull the trigger? (divorce, financial support demanded, separation/alienation from children, shift in friendships and family life)

In the mine field of marriage, every day, week, month, and year is a new step in that field. Every fight, disagreement, trip, party, and even the seeming minor events are just another step in the field.

No matter how carefully a man can navigate the field, even if he can walk through the field without an explosion,she's still got that gun and she can use it at any time. No thanks.

That was probably the best description of marriage I have ever read. Excellent job!

 

[YawataNoKami]

I'm not a hater of Western women and I am not saying this because I believe Western women are evil to the core. The reason that 'no' must be considered an option for men thinking of marriage is that the lifestyles, culture and expectations of Western women are now such that its an uphill struggle to successfully marry one. Even if we totally destroyed feminism tomorrow, its effects would continue for years. It would take probably one or two more generations to purge the feminist poison from our societies. Don't think you can change one of these women; to think that is nothing short of arrogance.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I believe the high divorce rate has less to do with feminism's impact on female solopsism and more to do with the fact divorce is so much more socially acceptable and there is a huge safety net for women that wasn't there 50 years ago - not to mention the fact women have greater opportunities in the jobs market too.

I think it's a combination of factors: feminism, social acceptance of divorce and single mothers, job opportunities for single women who are willing to work, generous alimony provisions for divorced women who are not willing to work...The social environment has changed dramatically in a very short period of time. In 1970, Alvin Toffler wrote a book called Future Shock. In it, he argued that "disorientation" resulting from rapid technological and social change was the cause for many of the social problems at the time. Today, we are seeing a new kind of future shock: the sudden and rapid breakdown of the traditional family structure in late 20th/early 21st century and its devastating consequences on the kids growing up in this environment.

 

[Tenacity]

Marriage is a minefield. If only fifty percent of land mines actually blow up, are you really going to walk across that field telling yourself that not all land mines are like that?

Are you going to willingly enter a game of Russian Roulette where there are three live rounds out of the six chambers in the gun? Are you really going to hand someone (her) a loaded gun (marriage), and then beg her not to pull the trigger? (divorce, financial support demanded, separation/alienation from children, shift in friendships and family life)

In the mine field of marriage, every day, week, month, and year is a new step in that field. Every fight, disagreement, trip, party, and even the seeming minor events are just another step in the field.

No matter how carefully a man can navigate the field, even if he can walk through the field without an explosion,she's still got that gun and she can use it at any time. No thanks.

^^^^ LISTEN, can we STICKY THIS? Not this thread, just THIS quote?

The marriage debate has been going on for some time on this section of the forum and there's still guys on this section that believe they can risk mitigate the situation, i.e., find the "right woman".

The reason it's going to be difficult to impossible to find the "right woman" is because the market has changed guys. Like the OP said, back 50 years ago you didn't have massive divorce because you had a different market of women AND men. The market has changed.

Marriage in and of itself remains me of the traditional college degree where you go and sit in a class all day. It's outdated and not tailored to the current times. Marriage in and of itself needs to morph into something else. The structure of it doesn't work anymore because there's no way the vows you are stating can be maintained with TODAY'S MARKET.

There's a reason we add Amendments to the Constitution, there's a reason why a business that stays in business 100 years totally changes it's business to reflect the current times, it's because sometimes the market requires change. The marriage contract is outdated, not current with the present day times, and not tailored to the real-life man/woman relations that are occurring in today's market.

Do NOT sign a marriage contract. If you want to do anything "serious", just maintain a committed long term relationship with cohabitation in a state that would not consider the cohabitation a marriage. Have kids with the woman. Anything you want to share together put it in a JOINT account, so when you break up she takes half, you take half, and you leave. The time with the kids is 50/50. Get an attorney involved very early in this process. I call this a "Committed Relationship Agreement". It's simple, cheap, and if you break up everything is fvcking lined out and there's no need for a long costly divorce process.

DO NOT SIGN a marriage contract. Be "married" without entering into that Agreement. That Agreement is not tailored to modern day times where it can break off at any moment.

Similar to what Guru said earlier in this thread, modern day relationships are nothing but LEASES, not FINANCE Agreements. Thus, why are you signing a Marriage Contract as if you are entering into a Finance Agreement? You see how that makes no sense? The woman can leave at anytime, that means it's a LEASE guys, goodness sakes. A true FINANCE Agreement means you can't leave, you own it forever, and that's just NOT what is going on out here.