"The courage to leave"

[ApocalypseCow2]

Wow. This last week, I finally ended it with my girlfriend of 2 years.

The last year had been a long term relationship. 5 hour drives to her house. I was exhausted (athough she also drove just as much to my place). For the last year, I've had so little time to focus on myself. The sex was unsatisfying, and as a 26 year old guy, that's important to me. She wanted marriage; I kept dodging it. We came to the brink of breaking up a couple times this last month, but this last week was the final straw. What started off as an innocent phone call (her calling me at work) turned into me dumping here. I basically told her that at some point soon, I'm going to have the desire to start seeing other women again and I couldn't commit to her any longer. I thought the fair thing to do was break it off.

Anyway, I'm deviating from my thesis here. I email my mom and told her the news. She called me today and said something like, "Yeah, she seemed a little needy. I'm glad you had the courage to leave. Who knows, maybe if I had....well, you and your brother wouldn't have been born, so there's that."

I didn't think about it much, but a couple hours later it hit me: did my mom just admit that she didn't love my father when they got married? They were married for about 20 years before getting divorced. Jesus, that's a scary thought. Im not having some existential crisis here or anything, but it's something I never considered and it's strange to think about it.

So what next for me? I'm gonna hunker down for a bit and focus on self-improvement. Read some good books, work out, get in touch with my friends. In a couple months, I'll start the Boot Camp. Last time I tried it (a couple years ago), I was very pleased with the results. I've been dying to get out there again, and can't wait.

Consider this my "I'm back" post, even thought I've already posted about a dozen comments. My old username was ApocalypseCow.

 

[Javelin44]

thanks for sharing the experience

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Welcome back to the single life big boy!

Its good to see that you have a positive outlook on this. Sounds like you got your life in perspective. The biggest piece of advice is to keep busy..

Hit that gym, hit the weights, read books, go out and take a dance class, train for a marathon, travel....enjoy life on your terms. Break ups take time...regardless of what people say about getting back into the game...its good to be single and reflect..but, don't over analyze...better days are ahead!

They always are!

Good Luck bro...

 

[ApocalypseCow2]

Thanks guys. I feel more free than I have in a loooong time.

 

[car501]

The courage to leave

I went out with a girl for almost a year. In the 4 months since we broke up I've lost lost 25 lbs., pretty much re-worked my wardrobe, spent time at this site and read some other books pertaining to self improvement, and know what ? I'm a better person today, being alone than when I was in a LTR. I re-worked a lot of things about myself. I look and feel a lot better. Spend this time to work on 'yourself'. It will be time well spent.
I'd rather be alone for the right reasons, than with someone for the wrong reasons

 

[DJDamage]

Don't listen to what your mom tells you. The majority of women out there don't have a clue what marriage life entitles so they go into it with a fantasy of what its going to be like and once they get married and see what a reality is, they fantasize about other options they had or going to have in life.

My mother is the same way she got divroced from my dad and told me that if she could have went back in time and do it all over again she would have married someone else. But then I added "well if you would marry someone else, I wouldn't have been born" and then she said that I was the only positive thing that came out of this marriage and that she was sure I would still be born in some capacity by another man... yeah right!! by the way she remarried someone else and has difficulty maintaining happiness in this one as well - go figure.

Leaving this girl is probably a very good decision, its never a good thing when you drive long distance to see her and the sex is not good and she pressures you to get marrried - thats 3 strikes baby!

 

[DrSoSuave]

One of the greatest US Presidents and world leader (A Democrat) Franklin Delanour Roosevelt was married to Eleanor (who is rumored to be a closet lesbian) fancied a woman from the 20s till his death in his late 50s. On his deathbed his own daughter arraigned a final moment meeting with this other woman whom he been very romantic with for a long time and probably had a very long term affair instead of his married wife of many years.

So why didn't FDR marry that woman whom obviously they were both made for each other? It was because of Roosevelt's mother who didn't permit it and threatened to withdraw political funding in his early days leading up to his presidency. So FDR just married Eleanor not out of love but for his career. He never stopped listening to his heart for that other woman.

There's a saying that I heard somewhere...where a woman can fake an orgasm, a man can fake an entire relationship. In FDR's case, he faked the entire relationship and even his daughter clearly permitted it. Prince Charles faked his entire relationship with Princess Di. Many men and women fake it for the sake of appearance.

 

[awfernan]

That's great, man - kudos to you!

I'm in a similar situation now and contemplating breaking it off with gf of 1.5 years or so. She's swell and a real sweetheart, and things are comfortable. All this makes it so easy to put off making a decision and more difficult as I know she'd be hurt.

But the bottom line is that I really don't want to be committed to one person forever, and would like another good hearty fling at singledom before I get married (I'm 27 living in New York). Dated sporadically during my life before meeting her but haven't really had the amount/quality of female experiences that I would like.

So maybe I'll be writing a similar testimonial at some point.

peace.

 

[cave dweller]

move on.......

Hey,

I walked out of a 4 year LTR about 5 months ago.

Sometimes, in life, you have to end it and move on.

cave dweller