"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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The complicated futility of inebriation: Proceed, retry, or abort?

evoke

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There's this girl (duh) that I've been running into at the bar lately. I've known her somewhat for years (I'm friends with one of her ex's, and oddly enough he's been trying to get the two of us to hook up, along with everybody else I know, kinda like it's a matter of fate or some nonsense that we be together), but only recently have I felt any attraction towards her. She always did some light flirting in the past, but I never paid any mind to it.

The last few weeks things got taken up a few notches. Needless to say, I've been handling things on my end, but there's a hurdle that's been thrown in my way. For the last three weeks she's been seeing this douchebag, and he always shows up to ruin the fun. Not that this actually stops her, but it does hinder me a bit.

Last night she told me like it is. She told me that she's sexually frustrated, doesn't think he's her type, questions her taste in men, can't stand how he brags about his drug hookups, he did acid around his kid over the weekend, he's living with his kid's mother, blah blah blah. I just sat there and said nothing. She also kept rubbing her arse against me the entire night, which was quite nice.

By last call she looked a bit upset about something, douchebag was sitting there sipping his cheap beer, and I took off to follow my friends to another bar. As I left I said bye to her friends, gave her a hug (she didn't seem to want to let go), and ignored the tool sitting across from her.

Not so bad, but here's where I fumbled the ball. When I got to my destination I decided I should call her, as there was something I had on my mind. Being that the bar was loud and stepping outside for more than 30 seconds is suicide around here, I made the unfortunate mistake of using a text message. D'oh. Such is the burden of an intoxicated mind.

This went as follows:

evoke: If you're that frustrated, you can always stop by my house :)
her: UR sweet, I'll have to think about it, hehe (yes, I realize that this is a no, at least for the time being)
evoke: Yeah, you do that, talk to you later

What the hell should I do? It's not like I can avoid seeing her, as she's usually at this particular bar on the same nights as I am. I know that as soon as she gets one drink in her she'll be staring into my eyes and grabbing me. Then Cloud Strife (I hate spikey hair on adults) will show up and pull a block.

Should I call her up next week and ask her to go somewhere alone? Should I go back to acting absolutely indifferant to her the way I used to, and watch her be taken by lesser men? Maybe I'll just stop drinking for a while.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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eoin2000

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Dont think the SMS was all that bad. It gave her ideas, and sexual ones at that, which is good.

Try drinking somewhere else mayhaps? Dont invite her though. But dont UNinvite her either, if you know what i mean. She'll probably do the rest herself. Also, while interacting with her, pretend like she does'nt have a boyfriend - even if he is right there with her. She'll make the right choice, as long as you dont seem to be submissive towards HIM (i dont even know him and i dont like him either).

-Hope this helps
 

evoke

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Yes, this helps. Kinda what I wanted to hear.

I never act submissive around this guy. He's like a little kid, and just sits there as I grab her ass and that. Not to sound like I'm all hard and that, but I do tend to put a sense of fear into a lot of people that don't know me.
 

eoin2000

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You seem like you have reasonable control of the situation.

Hows about you tell her that its over between her and her boyfriend? "Its not you, its him", "you two can still be friends" and such forth and so on.

Also, dont ask her to go somewhere else with you. TELL her (but not in an angry kinda way...threaten to spank her if she does'nt obey).
 

evoke

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I'll try this. Thanks.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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evoke

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How's this. Short and simple me thinks.

Next time I see her (regardless of whether or not I talk to her all night or only say "hi" and converse with strangers or my buddies), when I leave and get my usual hug, I'll hold on, and kiss her. Then leave in silence.

Either that or I'll just tell her, in front of the ponce she's with, that I wish to rip her clothes off and take her right on the table.

It's not like I lack the boldness to do as I feel, but do you think that'd put me off? Regardless, if she turns away I'll know that further association would be lost time.
 
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