The Communication Dilemma

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

So I notice on pretty much every non-redpill relationship/dating advice forum, they all talk about ‘communication’ like it’s the end all, be all of solving relationship problems. But what about about in the case of a dead bedroom? I just don’t see it as a feasible option when it comes to things like sex just because sex has to do with lust, which is solely an issue of attraction. If a girl doesn’t want to have sex with you, that means she isn’t sexually attracted to you, and we all know that you cannot bargain sexual attraction. No amount of ‘communication’ is gonna make her suddenly want to **** you, it just doesn’t happen. And if you bring it up with your partner that you want to have more sex, she’ll simply feel disgusted by you and say that all you want from her is sex and tensions go up. Boom. Relationship over (it was doomed from the start anyway).

The dilemma that I’m wondering about, however, is what if she doesn’t initiate? Like she doesn’t turn you down if you initiate, but she herself only does the bare minimum when you do have sex? Example: say you flirt with her, she will never escalate the flirting; say you start making out with her, you always have to grab her hand and put it on your dick because otherwise she won’t do anything; say you’re hitting it from behind, she doesn’t actually arch her back and stick her ass out a whole lot (or nearly as much as she could); say you’re just having a normal sex session, she just doesn’t move with you or gyrate her hips at all to show she actually likes it. Like, just very dry sexual encounters, if you could call it that.

The dilemma that I’m wondering about—if you ‘communicate’ with her what’s on your mind and tell her that you want her to actually be more engaged with you, sexually-speaking, she might do better at first, but ultimately it’s not an authentic change. That means that any changes you see aren’t actually because she likes you more or desires you more, but rather just because you told her to. She didn’t do it because she’s suddenly became more sexually attracted to you. And as we all know, if she doesn’t actually like you enough to make these changes on her own, it’s indicative that your relationship is always gonna be one-sided (a.k.a. that you will always be putting in more work into the relationship than her). Yet at the same time, if you don’t tell her anything, you’re gonna be stuck with subpar sex. So the question then becomes, what do you do?

My knee-jerk response to that would be to either cut her, or to downgrade her status to bootycall/fwb. I’m not gonna be committed to someone who ain’t committed to me. Besides, someone like that wouldn’t mind that anyway based off her responses to sex. She’s essentially a glorified sex doll/robot anyway lol.

But I was wondering your guys’ opinions on this. It seems like a damned if you do, damned if you don’t type situation. You can’t bargain for attraction, but you can’t be the only one putting in work into the relationship either.

Thoughts?


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As a side not, I noticed that there are a lot more female posters on there now than in past years. Often due to porn addiction on the man’s end. Which basically just means that either the wife is ugly, unfortunately, or that men aren’t getting their **** together. Or both. Feel free to add more.

 

[bcude]

Yeah this "communication is everything" is their default way of handling things, talking is like therapy to women and strengthens the connection. Just don't take this non-communication too far. In a relationship it's a necessity to some degree, you are after all two individuals who are trying to make something great together so everything can't be solved by withdrawal of attention and through your actions. Like telling her upfront about your expectations, needs and stating your boundaries, overtly or covertly. Just like we can't read minds, women can't read our minds either.

The dilemma that I’m wondering about, however, is what if she doesn’t initiate? Like she doesn’t turn you down if you initiate, but she herself only does the bare minimum when you do have sex? Example: say you flirt with her, she will never escalate the flirting; say you start making out with her, you always have to grab her hand and put it on your dick because otherwise she won’t do anything; say you’re hitting it from behind, she doesn’t actually arch her back and stick her ass out a whole lot (or nearly as much as she could); say you’re just having a normal sex session, she just doesn’t move with you or gyrate her hips at all to show she actually likes it. Like, just very dry sexual encounters, if you could call it that.

This one doesn't desire you so yes, no amount of communication will change that. A passive girl will still do something enthusiastically when they desire you.

The dilemma that I’m wondering about—if you ‘communicate’ with her what’s on your mind and tell her that you want her to actually be more engaged with you, sexually-speaking, she might do better at first, but ultimately it’s not an authentic change. That means that any changes you see aren’t actually because she likes you more or desires you more, but rather just because you told her to. She didn’t do it because she’s suddenly became more sexually attracted to you. And as we all know, if she doesn’t actually like you enough to make these changes on her own, it’s indicative that your relationship is always gonna be one-sided (a.k.a. that you will always be putting in more work into the relationship than her). Yet at the same time, if you don’t tell her anything, you’re gonna be stuck with subpar sex. So the question then becomes, what do you do?

I praise and encourage her to do more of the things that i enjoy in the bedroom. Praise works wonders on women and it works because a woman that's into you will listen extra carefully and do it just because she knows that you enjoy it. A normal healthy (non-feminist) woman wants and craves guidance from you.
If that doesn't work and the sex really sucks and that is important to you, don't commit to her or have her as a plate.

 

[Hal9000]

Women whine about communication because they will never shut up. They think that if.you aren't talking about what some random person said about some other random person you are the problem, not her. When you do communicate with them they expect you to parrot what they think or it becomes a discussion about what's wrong with you. Communication never gets a woman to change her mind about anything. If you want her to feel lust grab her by the ass and start kissing her neck. That's all it should take. If she responds negatively then you know its time to move on.