The Comfort Level

[art of]

My story is basically the same as a majority of the other AFCs who stumbled their way into this forum. I lived my life on a ten minute delay, not acting when I had the chance and thinking of what I should have said after the fact. Finally I decided to spend all that free time I had built up doing research online, and I found a few tips that helped me. BUT the single most important thing I took away from all of these posts and tips is that for others to be comfortable with you, you need to be comfortable with yourself. Think about the last time you hung out with your buddies. Did you think about your weight? Focus on your looks? Worry about whether they liked you or not? The answer to those questions should hopefully be no. When you're in an environment you feel comfortable in you lower your logical shields and let your inner self out, and nothing is more likeable. Why do you think of the best thing to say when the time is to late? I say its because its happening in your own head, a place where you are most comfortable.

In your own mind there are no threats, or challenges. You have no fears. Its easy to be smarter and funnier when you can redo mistakes and have time to think. But bringing your day dreams into real life is not so easy. You have to become comfortable with your real life and real situation.

I say find the thing your most self concious about and do something about it. Overweight? Go for a bike ride or start running. Not good looking? Get some clothes YOU think look cool or get a new haircut you like. Make a change in your life that will boost your confidence and then go out and talk to a few girls. Im not saying pull out the psychological attraction stuff you read all over this sight and others. Save that for when you know what your doing. I ask you first to simply talk to a few complete strangers and try to carry on 5 different 5 minute conversations. Build your confidence one step at a time.
Get comfortable with yourself, then others.

Maybe this advice isnt good, if thats the case feel free to blaze me out, delete this thread, or correct the flaws or incorrect parts of my post. Im not gonna pretend to be a DJ. Im still just an AFC, but im trying to change that one step at a time, but I've made some progress... and I've never felt better.

 

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

I like this

It actually makes sense logically... "find the thing your most self concious about and do something about it"...

i like it because there's ton of people (not on this forum really) that have a problem and wish it wasn't happening to them... so they want people to feel sorry for them and to give them a pity-party.

if you feel that something is wrong... quit telling everyone about it or saying it out loud for everyone to hear... quit trying to have people feel sorry for you... do something about it.

if you feel that something is wrong... silently go about fixing it... people might ask you why you are doing something unusally different that you normally do... then you can tell them why.

i like the way you said for people to build confident one step at a time... people here think they can become someone by reading their techniques... they need to learn and incorporate it into themselves.

great first post. you summed up a lot of things and made it simple.

 

[Kev07]

completely agreed, i used to weigh 180 back in my freshman year and i had a bad acne problem. i was 24/7 self concious and i didn't do so well socially.

i started jogging and went to a dermatologist and living healthier. i am now 160 pounds, and my skin has cleared up a lot, i'm doing much better now, it was a slow change though, i'm a senior now.

for all the overweight people out there, a word of advice, just stop thinking about it and do it. no more" i shouldnt eat this" or "i should jog" just go out and DO it. the moment you think of "i should jog" get out there and jog, then do it again and again, you will see results in less than a month.