The Cold Treatment

[Bambino0824]

Hello everyone,

I am a college student and I like a girl who is in a tough situation.

She broke up with her ex in the summer and has told me that she moved on. The problem with this whole situation is that her and her ex still share the same social circle, and a lot of their friends still don't know that they broke up. Her ex is telling people that "oh we will get back together, don't worry' and in turn, this is causing her a lot of stress. But surely, she is slowly getting out of this social circle.

I didn't know about all this in the summer and decided to take her out for dinner. I become pretty awkward when I genuinely like my date, and so it was a rough start. But we managed to keep meeting since August (albeit the slow development thus far).

So every girl I keep meeting says that they want to be friends first and get to know a guy before they start dating, so I obliged and treated this girl just as a normal friend in public. But I've been over to her house couple of times and we would kiss and cuddle (nothing more than that).

I know what kind of situation she is in. A lot of her friends who aren't in the loop are gossiping about how she dumped her ex to be with another guy, and this is really stressing her out. She apologized to me for having to take things so slow and she said that she won't be ready for another relationship in a long while. I told her that as long as she has genuine feelings for me, I can wait since I am not in a hurry to just date somebody. For me, it is all contingent upon the person. Some are dating material, and some are not.

I really like her because I think she is a unique girl. Our fundamental values line up together and she doesn't do all the crazy college stuff that turns me off. A girl like this is super hard to find these days, and this is what I look for.

One thing that she does worry me about is how she handles other guys. She grew up playing with boys, and as a result, she is very comfortable being around guys. She is very lenient when it comes to physical contact.

We were at a retreat together with 30 other peers. On the first night, I blacked out from drinking too much. Next morning, I wake up to find her in this room full of guys, cuddling up to her two male friends. This was last month, and we already established that we weren't just friend at this point.
I was annoyed but she explained logically why it happened so I let it go. Then, we went for a walk later that day. I told her that if she is willing to work together with me to make this work, I told her that I will be yours. She said yes and we had our first kiss.

Also, we were bar hopping with the same social group and I warned her about this close friend of hers. As a guy, I could tell that he had intentions beyond being just her friend. I told her that "guys are guys, you need to be careful" but she brushed me off and went to the bars alone with this guy. Turns out, he ended up groping her a lot and tried to take her home (he failed to do so). She and I had a talk yesterday and she finally agreed with me that she is a bit too oblivious regarding her interactions with guys. Also, she went camping in the summer and she didn't have a sleeping bag. She told me that she had to share with a guy because she felt bad for taking his. I found out later (through fb pictures) that her ex was present at the trip. I assumed the worst case scenario.

All of this has made me think that she is just a huge flirt and that I am just another guy friend she is keeping around. She did express to me at one point that she actually likes me, but I can't fully trust her words yet. Two months ago, I realized that this wasn't really heading anywhere so I cut all contact for two weeks. I went on a date with another girl (she doesn't know about this) and was doing fine. But she texted me first and we started to talk again.

What I want to do now is to cut all contacts again. She needs time to just sort her personal life problems out and I need to take a step back and stop being so pushy. We agreed last night that we both need to know each other better and trust another before we can take the next step. I intend to test her and see if she really regards me as a special person or not.

Again, I'm not just looking for a girl so I can have sex. I want to date this girl because I can see a long-term relationship with this person. So please give me some advice for this situation!


Also just general questions:

1) How do I stop being awkward when interacting with girls?
2) Should I refrain from being so nice to a girl unless we are officially dating?
3) If this doesn't work out, how should I act towards her?


Thank you guys

 

[Greasy Pig]

You're in a living hell OP and you need to eject.
You're being overly needy and paranoid and nothing turns a girl off faster.
Trust your gut. You know she's a massive flirt and it pysses you off, and you have a feeling she's just stringing you along.
Before you know it, she'll "accidentally" trip and land on some dude's dyck 800 times and she'll want you to understand that truly she's not a slvt and if you'll just wait for her, she'll come running into your arms when she's ready.

Fvck that. You don't have to cut contact but you should back way off. It's obvious she doesn't share your feelings because her actions are directly contradicting her words.
Remember one of the DJ tenets: A woman who is passionately interested in you won't confuse you.
Pull back, be courteous without being overly friendly and start meeting other chiçks.
There are 3 billion women on the planet, you WILL find one just like her but who's more worthy of your time and emotions.

 

[Fireballs]

I'm leaning towards this being a troll, but, on the off chance that you are genuine here are my thoughts.

So every girl I keep meeting says that they want to be friends first and get to know a guy before they start dating

This is wom@nese for ''I don't want to date YOU.'' Actions over words. Always.

she said that she won't be ready for another relationship in a long while

It's funny when you hear girls say this and then 2 days later you see them dating another guy. Again this is usually wom@nese for ''I don't want a relationship with YOU''

Also, we were bar hopping with the same social group and I warned her about this close friend of hers. As a guy, I could tell that he had intentions beyond being just her friend. I told her that "guys are guys, you need to be careful" but she brushed me off and went to the bars alone with this guy. Turns out, he ended up groping her a lot and tried to take her home (he failed to do so). She and I had a talk yesterday and she finally agreed with me that she is a bit too oblivious regarding her interactions with guys.

She may agree with you but does that mean she will change? No way. All you can do is set expectations that you have of her and if she violates them, then you dump her. If she is scared of losing you, she won't do anything to jeopardize your relationship.



EDIT: Why is wom@nese censored?

 

[Bambino0824]

Okay, thank you for the great advice. I knew it was BS when girls say they wanna get to know me first beforehand.

So this is what I told her, "Hey so I've been thinking a lot for the past couple of days and I think we should stop things here. I like you a lot but ultimately, I don't see this going anywhere. Even if we were to start dating, I feel that we will run into some big problems. Sorry for being so sudden but I hope you can understand!"

What do you guys think?