The Cold Approach...

[al77]

Originally posted by ApocalypseCow2
I'm reading an interesting book right now by Leil Lowndes. In it, she says that the first couple sentences out of your mouth are mostly irrelevant (as long as it isn't rude), since the person is mostly judging you on looks and body language at that point. I think this makes sense.

She goes further on to say that the more banal you are, the better.

Not sure if I'd take it that far, but I do agree that the words that come out of your mouth are probably the *least* important part of opening.

Man, this is such a BS! Why? look at Leil pic - she is a HB10. Tell me, what kind of advice a HB10 can give you? yeah, something nice and sweet.. what all AFC is using.

Yes, they judge by looks. But what you say is also important.
If you go "Come here often?" you may as well forget about her right away. "Hi! whatis your name?" is one of the word openers...
If you go for banal, you show you are a AFC, and you will be treated like they are used to ...
Read a book written by a man. Who knows what it likes to be a player. Don't believe HB10 sweet words!

 

[Mr. Mystery II]

Originally posted by al77
Man, this is such a BS! Why? look at Leil pic - she is a HB10. Tell me, what kind of advice a HB10 can give you? yeah, something nice and sweet.. what all AFC is using.

Yes, they judge by looks. But what you say is also important.
If you go "Come here often?" you may as well forget about her right away. "Hi! whatis your name?" is one of the word openers...
If you go for banal, you show you are a AFC, and you will be treated like they are used to ...
Read a book written by a man. Who knows what it likes to be a player. Don't believe HB10 sweet words!

What you say is not what matters, its the confidence behind whatever it is you choose to say.

You could walk up to a girl with the corniest line in the world confidently and she would give you the same response if you stepped to her with the smoothest line in the book.

What you say don't matter nearly as much as you guys think it does.

Mr. Mystery

 

[HB_Hunter]

Originally posted by Mr. Mystery II
What you say is not what matters, its the confidence behind whatever it is you choose to say.

You could walk up to a girl with the corniest line in the world confidently and she would give you the same response if you stepped to her with the smoothest line in the book.

What you say don't matter nearly as much as you guys think it does.

Mr. Mystery

This is so true BUT ummm , These days i find myself focusing on what to say trying to make it perfect or at least interesting for the girl . DAMNN ... why this ? because i was telling a girl i know , a friend of mine about what i was doing with this girl that i m trying to hook up and since i love soccer and actually it's my favourite hobby (watching , playing etc...) i talk alot about it since it is what i like ..this friend suddenly interupts me ..."ofcourse you aren't going to talk to her about soccer " , it comes naturally , i try to listen to her , ask her questions about herself , but at times she's the silent type and i got no clue of what else to say so i usually go for the number then the date . or i enjoy the ride and have fun not worrying about whatever to say ...it just comes

But still these days i heard a couple of friends making fun of me becuase while i was talking with that hot girl that seems to like me and pick me , they heard me asking her about her job , work and stuff since we are both doctors me and her . I heard 'em saying " what da heck were you talking about ? you got no game etc.... " you should have talked about other things , light , funny , sexual things etc...

I don't usually care about how others think of me or rate me but you don't have to deny guys that when the opinions , thoughts about you are negative and repeated by different friends or acquaintances ...it hurts the ego and at times bring the confidence that Mr. mystery is talking about down . What do you do when this happen man ?

 

[Charm Artist]

I agree to all this, but remember you can't be too direct early on. It's actually best to be indirect early on. Don't make yourself so obvious and predictable that nothing you tell her about yourself excites her anymore. Show her one side of yourself, then just when she thinks she knows who you are, show her the other side. But don't do this so much where she will think that you are some crazy schizophrenic. For instance, say you talk to her and she's seein that you're very nice, throw in a bit of darkness and naughtiness which will want her to get to know you more. Key is maintain an air of mystery, this is easy to do early on because there's so much to learn about a person.

Be subtle about your indirectness, if you make it too obvious that you're angling for something she will bring up an even greater resistance.

Charm Artist

 

[One on One]

I think this is a great thread.

Still I can't get past the fact of getting a reputation of creepy for doing cold approaches.

 

[Drew]

Originally posted by One on One
I think this is a great thread.

Still I can't get past the fact of getting a reputation of creepy for doing cold approaches.

Have you never met someone new in your life? Do you only talk to your friends and family at parties? It's only creepy if you feel it is so. If you approach someone and in the back of your mind all you are thinking is god i'm creepy god i'm creepy , will she think i'm creepy? Will my friends and family somehow find out about this and think I'm creepy? EVERYONE WILL FIND OUT and THink i'm creepy" Well then most likely the girl you say hi to will think, hmm that guy seems a little creepy.

Drop those fears. People meet people. That's life.

If you have a genuine interest in meeting others, then it is just a natural social interaction.

You are man. You see what you want. You go and get what you want.

 

[izza]

This is one of the best posts I've seen on this board. Cold approaches are hard to learn and hard to teach, this post does an outstanding job.

Thanks Mr. Mystery.

I nominated this threat on the DJB, its link is there under "best new posts."

Really good,

Izza

 

[Mr. Mystery II]

Originally posted by One on One
I think this is a great thread.

Still I can't get past the fact of getting a reputation of creepy for doing cold approaches.

I wanted to touch on this before, but I wasn't sure how to, and I didn't want to scare anyone away from approaching. I'll try and hit on this now as best as I can.

Some guys are creepy in the way they approach women. They are the guys that take it too seriously and have a dose of desperation you could smell a mile away, because they are worried what the girl thinks of them. They're self doubt and doubious motives make them seem very creepy.

You can approach while being overtly sexual, but the girl your approaching will have to be pretty sexual, slutty and perhaps a bit drunk for this to work. So try and save the fvck me eyes for alittle later when you have some rapport and mutual attraction.

The best way to not be one of those creepy guys is to have fun interacting with this girl and not focus so much on the end result. Enjoy the journey as much as the destination.

Mr. Mystery

 

[LIME!]

I read this thread to charge my courage up before sarging. I just hate the term "cold approaches." It makes me feel like I'm selling aluminum siding over the phone.

Approaches are rarely "cold" because what you're selling, a man, is what every heterosexual woman wants. Unfortunately, you're not that man every time.

 

[thecraftylefty]

Well, how about changing the words "cold approach" to "hot prospect." Now what's your interpretation? It's all in how you perceive what you believe.

And Drew is dead right. Read his post above.


thecraftylefty

 

[LIME!]

Drew's post was spot on.

Yeah, I like "prospects." Then I can say, "I'm going prospecting" and sound like a grizzled 19th century gold rusher

More than mere semantics, choosing the right words helps me win my internal mind games.

 

[Marlimus]

good post.

 

[Mr. Mystery II]

Bump.

Mr. Mystery

 

[kav_3]

Great tip, got me all pumped up and everything to do it right now, but hopefully I can get the guts to start doing some cold approaches tomorrow.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Great tip, got me all pumped up and everything to do it right now, but hopefully I can get the guts to start doing some cold approaches tomorrow.

I'm pumped too.. I used to always rock the cold approaches but I've been slacking off lately.

Mystery, one thing I'd like to add to your fabolous repetiore is that I always go into cold approaches with a "go to line" if things aren't flowing easily. You know how some chicks are dying to give you their number, while others are a bit caught off guard by the whole situation. For the later ones, I'll normally throw something out there like "Why don't you come to a party/fundraiser this weekend, what's your number?" Either she'll give it up or say she's busy/has a boyfriend. This will take things right to the point and end the convo.

 

[DanelMadr]

When I started out, I didn't want the girl to know I was picking up on her when I started talking to her. I think I had mislead myself into thinking that if I let her know I was trying to pick her up, I would show to much interest and loose the edge, or I would somehow offend her by trying to pick her up.

Yep that's a problem and you are right....more sincere but still cool approach is better then some mumbo-jumbo.

But on the other hand, there is the problem with b1tch shields ('Yep another one....I just keep ignoring him or run away giving him a finger') which are UP and are not used by b1tches only. It' a common defence these days in clubs and bars. Girls go there with mentality....'I just want to dance alone and have fun with friends. Im not here for the guys.' It's pretty tough believe me.

I can pass through these shields if they are not in the hands of a true b1tch. The method I use is initially indeferent approach and then I got interested.

But problem stays with asking for number. When you ask for number disinterested you have a better chance. If you just ask...they are in control and start to enjoy it....hard to get etc.

I hate acting but you get better results with slight mumbo jumbo...and I'm not the second league. Mybe I run to b1tches all the time (it's probable)

What is your opinion?

 

[rsxtreme]

many good points

 

[Mr. Mystery II]

Wow, its been along time...

I stopped by to reread a few Pook posts and figured I'd bump one of the only worthwhile things I have ever written here.

Only advice I can give anyone here is to read Pook's stuff and get off the computer and into the real world, cause its beautiful out there! Learn a bit and step away from the forum for a long time.

Mr. Mystery

 

[Micheal Moon]

Thanks for the bump, I've never seen this. Great thread.

 

[speakeasy]

Why? look at Leil pic - she is a HB10.!

http://www.lowndes.com/pix/lilyc3.jpg

She's an HB10??? How many beers did you have tonight?