The Cataclysmic Calamity of Andrew Cohen

[Rogue]

Andrew Cohen, chief legal correspondent of CBS News, revealed himself as a vindictive myopic stooge armed with the most dangerous weapon against himself—his own voice. In prologue, he was dumped by his girlfriend who decided to marry someone better. To 'celebrate,' to send his ex-girlfriend a 'gift,' he published "On Her Wedding Day, Saying the Things Left Unsaid" on his widely publicized column, on her wedding day. The responses to the column, including other columnists, are that he is a creepy obsessed stalker and he even gained the attention of Salon magazine. Here are excerpts of what he wrote:

But today is not a day for remorse. It is not a day for lost causes. Today is a day for celebration. The woman I once promised to keep happy is happy. She tells me she is marrying a wonderful man, with a good heart, whom she believes I would have liked had we met in different circumstances. She lives where she wants to live. She has selected her life's path. All that is left for me to do is to wish her well and to hope that she has made the right choice; that she continues to find in him what she did not find in me.

Translation: "I fücking the douchebag."

Rarely a day goes by when something in my life -- the law, journalism, horses, celebrity gossip -- doesn't make me think of her or what she'd think.

Well, he certainly qualifies for 'obsessed.'

Before I met her, as a single father, I never would have considered having another child. Although it took more time than it should have, I came to realize through her love and devotion that there would be nothing more I would rather do in the world than have a child with her.

How disturbing and perturbing must it be to have some jackass steal the sunshine of your wedding day and shout, to the whole world nonetheless, he wants to knock up your newlywed wife.

It wasn't too long after we met that I began imagining what our wedding day would be like... I pictured her stunning in her dress and with that smile that would melt me. I pictured her having a vodka and soda to ease her nerves. I pictured us laughing a lot. I pictured myself at the end of the aisle.

"Love is the emotion that a woman feels always for a poodle dog and sometimes for a man."

Now, all this reminds me of one of Roissy's past candidates for Beta of the Month:

Dear Carla,
I hope this long-overdue letter finds you well. I read you are engaged and I'm very happy you. I sincerely hope that works out well and that he loves you with a passion and respect that is unparalleled and eternal. It has been a long time since we last spoke, but there is something that has been weighing heavily upon my heart. Guilt, regret, shame, embarrassment, and remorse are grave crosses to bear, like the gravity of a black hole, always pulling you down to a cataclysmic destruction of self-writhe. You probably have no thought about it in years but it truly plagues my spiritual consciousness like a seeping, infected, self-inflicted wound to my soul that knows no forgiveness or healing so I just grow accepting of it, unlocking the dark dungeon of selfishness where it hides, and masochistically extort a comfortable pain by filling it with the most disengaging of poisons. I hope not to sound overly cliché, melodramatic, or self-deprecating; I'm trying to be as open, honest, and vulnerable as one can be. Carla, my actions years back have followed me like a viral shadow, leaving me unable to hide, tormented by the guilt of recklessly and selfishly hurting someone I felt genuine love and fascination for, confused by questions of what could and should have been, bitten and suffocated by the serpentine spirit of my own demise, and none of this I could forget no matter how hard I tried. I am writing to ask you for your forgiveness for lying to you, disrespecting you, using you, leaving you, manipulating you, and, although I will never be able to understand to what extent and how you felt, for hurting you. Like I said, I don't know if you ever thought twice about it and I pray that I am not opening up an old wound for you, but I am sorry for how I treated you. I do not mean to rationalize, minimize, or justify my actions, for these is no amnesty here, but I was very depressed, confused, fragile, incorrigibly selfish, narcissistic, codependent, fearful, and drug-addicted. You were such a deep, passionate, fun loving, cunningly innocent with dark side, extraordinarily brilliant, exceedingly creative, idealistic, and the most incredibly gorgeous and sexy young woman I have ever known, and I was mesmerized, infatuated, intrigued, and falling in love. What could it have been, well, only the angels and demons will ever know that? But I sacrificed it for safety, someone to take care of me, because I was afraid of change and failure. I'll never be able to truly express how sorry I am, but I hope it shows. But more than that, I hope that you are doing well. I hope that you are happy and enjoy life. Thank you for taking your time to read this. It has been on my heart for so long and I have to admit it feels liberating letting go and releasing it. If you would like, I'd love to keep in touch or grab some coffee and talk sometime. Nevertheless, I totally understand if you decline. But until the hereafter... Respectfully, Andy.

Carla
Andy, I'm married. I don't think about you.

The pattern of language is strikingly similar. Andrew Cohen writes, "I want to thank her, mostly, for rescuing me from hopelessness... I had given up on love. She arrived, unexpectedly, and showed me what was possible. She raised me up from the emotional dead. She drew out of me the poison of divorce and betrayal. Eleven years younger but already more mature than me, she was dazzling, brilliant, funny, and sweet; she both gave and taught me patience and devotion and sacrifice. No woman before or since ever made me feel as desired, needed, beloved, appreciated as she did. No one has yet made me want her more. Some men live their whole lives without this kind of love." "How many poor souls go their whole lives without the heart-string pull of such emotions?"

The truth is poison of the heart.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

This whole thing is making my skin crawl.

It gets an E for entertainment, but not a C for constructive.

 

[Trader]

Andrew Cohen, chief legal correspondent of CBS News, revealed himself as a vindictive myopic stooge armed with the most dangerous weapon against himself—his own voice. In prologue, he was dumped by his girlfriend who decided to marry someone better. To 'celebrate,' to send his ex-girlfriend a 'gift,' he published "On Her Wedding Day, Saying the Things Left Unsaid" on his widely publicized column, on her wedding day. The responses to the column, including other columnists, are that he is a creepy obsessed stalker and he even gained the attention of Salon magazine. Here are excerpts of what he wrote:



Translation: "I fücking the douchebag."



Well, he certainly qualifies for 'obsessed.'



How disturbing and perturbing must it be to have some jackass steal the sunshine of your wedding day and shout, to the whole world nonetheless, he wants to knock up your newlywed wife.



"Love is the emotion that a woman feels always for a poodle dog and sometimes for a man."

Now, all this reminds me of one of Roissy's past candidates for Beta of the Month:


The pattern of language is strikingly similar. Andrew Cohen writes, "I want to thank her, mostly, for rescuing me from hopelessness... I had given up on love. She arrived, unexpectedly, and showed me what was possible. She raised me up from the emotional dead. She drew out of me the poison of divorce and betrayal. Eleven years younger but already more mature than me, she was dazzling, brilliant, funny, and sweet; she both gave and taught me patience and devotion and sacrifice. No woman before or since ever made me feel as desired, needed, beloved, appreciated as she did. No one has yet made me want her more. Some men live their whole lives without this kind of love." "How many poor souls go their whole lives without the heart-string pull of such emotions?"

The truth is poison of the heart.

The fact that he wrote this, shows that his ex-gf made the right decision in leaving him.

A true man would move on. Yes it hurts, but damn move on

 

[samspade]

This kind of thing makes me happy for places like SoSuave.

Not to rip on this guy, though he deserves it. But the fact that there is an outlet for this kind of AFC sewage has probably saved a lot of souls.

That is, for those of us who may have had our hearts ripped out - and many of us are reconstructed AFCs from back in the day - and the many more who will, online message boards like this offer a dumping ground for this kind of thought. Instead of using your platform with CBS or even your blog, you can come here, whine and moan anonymously, and (hopefully) get whipped into shape by the men here who know what you're going through and know how futile and creepy it is to pine away for an ex - especially one who done you wrong.

Andrew Cohen should know better. He should know in 2010 that anything posted online with his name under it is broadcasting to the effect of 50' tall billboards in Times Square and Hollywood Blvd. He could have written all this stuff here, or in his private diary for God's sake. The only explanation for this kind of behavior is that he secretly hopes to win her back through his sickening altruism and warped sense of nobility. He doesn't realize that in a woman's eyes, the nobleman and the bada$$ are one and the same, and he might as well be a member of the clergy with his sense of "romance."

I hope I never have an AFC relapse, but if I do I know one thing: I'm coming here first. "The way I see it, everyone takes a beating sometime," as Henry Hill said in Goodfellas.

 

[backbreaker]

seriously, the day i write something like that, someone here just knock on my door and put 2 to the temple. don't' think about it, don't' say anything just bam bam

I would seriously, rather die, than to live like that graveling ***** again

 

[kingsam]

guys make sure you click the link to the roissy webpage...

and see the reply from Carla's husband! hilarious!

 

[samspade]

guys make sure you click the link to the roissy webpage...

and see the reply from Carla's husband! hilarious!

I think that is an unrelated Lamebook entry - name just happens to be Andrew.

But read this - his email to the female columnist who skewered him.

 

[backbreaker]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arjuna-ardagh/goddess-worship_b_660896.html