The Breakup

[SoSuaveScorp]

Hey guys, was dating a girl for a while and just yesterday she calls me up crying and I come over and she tells me she cheated on me. So I broke it off with her today and feeling like **** at the moment, but Im trying to learn from this relationship.

The start was great, I was full of confidence and charisma and optimism, sparks were flying
A month or two later and my charisma started to fade as well as my optimism, and we started seeing each other more, the sparks werent so sparky anymore, and then the above happened.

My question is.. What went wrong, clearly its the charisma and optimism fading but how do I keep it so high in a relationship? I feel like a relationship pulls a lot of my needy side into it and Im not sure how to keep that from happening

 

[CuriousGirl]

You know it's not necessarily anything you did, one of my friends always gets flakey after 5 months, no matter how much she likes the guy. And one of my male friends really loves his girlfriend but still cheats on her, feels guilty, then does it again with another girl. Some people just cheat, I personally don't see why you'd want to sleep with someone else at the risk of your relationship, or generally why you'd want to sleep with someone else when you have a good relationship (assuming you wouldn't stay in a bad one).
You can't tell if it's actually something you did wrong because it's not like she broke up with you for the other guy, she slept with him whilst she was dating you, it could be a completely personal thing, especially if it was a one night stand. I think affairs could be different.

 

[Tiguere]

keep it moving. she messed up not you. so stop thinking her. dont hold resentment ..forgive her actions and move on. how did it happen though? was it with an ex? ONS after the bar/club. old friend made a move on her?

 

[The_411]

The thing of it is as there were likely flags that came up you ignored. The good news is that this girl saved you from a lot of heartache down the road. The whole crying routine when you cheat is just trying to shame you so she can feel better by making someone else miserable.

It will hurt but take heed by extremely thankful it happend now when the relationship was in its infancy rather than 2-3 years from now when you're about to get engaged or are engaged and you've wasted time, resources, and other opportunities.

Take time to reflect and write down what happend over the last few months. I think once you do that you'll eb able to figure out where the flags were and what they were.

 

[Sparky]

In my experience, this effect was actually started by you losing interest. You no longer felt "hungry" for her and therefore your DJ gene kind of switched off.

She could probably sense this, went off it too and ended up sleeping with someone else.

Wrong woman

 

[Zodiac]

The thing of it is as there were likely flags that came up you ignored.

This is not always the case SoSuaveScorp. Sometimes its just the person having attachment issues and when she gets too close to someone she instead freaks out and abandons ship.

 

[DonGorgon]

Hey guys, was dating a girl for a while and just yesterday she calls me up crying and I come over and she tells me she cheated on me. So I broke it off with her today and feeling like **** at the moment, but Im trying to learn from this relationship.

The start was great, I was full of confidence and charisma and optimism, sparks were flying
A month or two later and my charisma started to fade as well as my optimism, and we started seeing each other more, the sparks werent so sparky anymore, and then the above happened.

My question is.. What went wrong, clearly its the charisma and optimism fading but how do I keep it so high in a relationship? I feel like a relationship pulls a lot of my needy side into it and Im not sure how to keep that from happening

99% of people cheat 99% of the time so get over it... trusting human animals not to do what comes naturally is stupid..