The Boyfriend

[Nine Breaker]

I have read quite a few posts recently, involving a girl who is already in a relationship. My question here is: what's your opinion on trying to get the girl to leave the boyfriend for you?

Would you try to get the girl (assuming you were VERY attracted to her), or would you just try to find someone else?

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The Human Body Is A Fragile Thing, But The Human Soul Can NEVER Be Truly Broken.

 

[Shadow]

I always heard if she mentions she has a boyfriend that she's not interested.

Also remember, the way you meet her is the way she'll leave you. If she's the kind of girl who will let you get her to leave her boyfriend, think about what'll happen when you're in a relationship with her and some other guy comes along and tries to do the same!

All I can say is try to outshine her boyfriend and make her FEEL more than her current boyfriend does. Women like to FEEL ANYTHING. Even if its a bad emotion, but try to keep her feeling good.

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It's not who's wrong or right, but who's stronger.

 

[Take No Dirt]

Originally posted by Shadow:
I always heard if she mentions she has a boyfriend that she's not interested.

Also remember, the way you meet her is the way she'll leave you. If she's the kind of girl who will let you get her to leave her boyfriend, think about what'll happen when you're in a relationship with her and some other guy comes along and tries to do the same!

All I can say is try to outshine her boyfriend and make her FEEL more than her current boyfriend does. Women like to FEEL ANYTHING. Even if its a bad emotion, but try to keep her feeling good.

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I totally agree with Shadow!

 

[maknmovs]

yeah dont go taking other guys g/f's, she's just going to end up doing the same to you..who the hell wants a girl that does that....

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Life is lost in dreaming, and dreaming is lost in becoming (Motto on the Hard Rock Cafe in Cancun, Mexico)

Ive failed over, and over, and over again in my life, and that is why i succeed..-Michael Jordan

"Success requires no explanations; Failure permits no alibis"

 

[Take No Dirt]

Originally posted by maknmovs:
yeah dont go taking other guys g/f's, she's just going to end up doing the same to you..who the hell wants a girl that does that....

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I concur with you. This "if she dumped her BF for you because you're better" will come around to bite you when she finds someone better than you. (If she looks hard enough, she will.) Girls like that are easily bored and they go through men like they go through Kleenex tissue.



[This message has been edited by Take No Dirt (edited 11-15-2001).]

 

[Shinji Ikari]

I've changed my whole philosophy recently. Before, I'd say leave it but now, I'd say go for it so as long as they're not engaged or married. I see it this way, most girls who have something going for them will have a man, if you wait, you're never gonna get any of them. Am I suppose to leave it to luck and hope I meet someone who is single and that I'll be interested in? (This will become very apparent when you're a post senior in college. or out of school) If you approach and you crash and burn, fine, move on, and it slowly helps you become more comfortable in getting shot down. If she's interested, then all the more better. I don't buy this once a cheater always a cheater thing. What you're basically saying is that a woman not autonomous and shouldn't be free to chose. What's wrong with leaving your current LTR if you see something better? I'd do it and I'd expect women to do the same. If she feels you'd make a better BF/mate/fvcktoy than her current man, then who are you to argue with her?

[This message has been edited by Shinji Ikari (edited 11-16-2001).]

 

[TesuqueRed]

Shadow and Shinji are both right. My first reaction is along Shadow's lines, but then a girl w/a BF told me that women have to be prepared to move immediately out of a BF-situation if the right guy came along (it was a hint to me, btw, which I decided to ignore for various reasons).

She was right, I've seen quite a number of women hold a guy in a sort of "holding pattern" in a relationship: lukewarm interest, occasional sex for each other and a guaranteed date for all those weddings and group dates you go on--and then ease him out when something more exciting came along. He's often a little clueless about what's going on.

Blame her? Not really, she's just doing what's in her natural interest and playing the game. And it may be no game, too, expecially if he IS the right guy. Blame the old BF for being clueless and never bothering to learn the game (being a DJ!)

Actually, you'll find a lot of established relationships/marriages came about that way.

 

[krd]

Several times, I've had this happen to me, where a girl goes out of her way to talk to me or say hi, yet has a boyfriend (and can talk my ear off about him. As a matter of fact, I've found that the girls who talk about their boyfriends the most aren't necessarily the hottest ones. Maybe because they are trying hard to prove that they are "hot property" or something.)

Recently I met a girl at a school-related event. I never even had to approach her, she just started asking me about myself. She's not super hot or anything, she's short and rather plain looking with a bit of an overbite. Anyway, we really got along well and now when she sees me, she frequently stops and says hi or talks for a little while. She's mentioned her boyfriend in several conversations, so I'm a bit confused as to why she seems to make a point of stopping and talking to me. I know I wouldn't really do that to a girl unless I was a little interested in her. (Of course its possible that she does this to everyone, but I need something to believe in right now!)

Normally if I find a girl has a boyfriend, I'd take her off my list, but I don't know about this one. We really seem to get along. I'm hoping that if I play my cards right, I may have a chance with this girl. Not everyday do I come across a girl who acts this way toward me. Of course, I'm not going to stop focusing on other girls, but as of now, she is the one that seems to be showing the most interest. So what do you think, is she a waste of time?

 

[Chrispy]

She sounds interested in you..but you can never be sure. Girls always act friendly, then when you make a move they are all uptight and stunned that you'd do so cuz she already has a BF. Why not make some suggestive hints, or maybe have a friendly coffee or lunch with her? it's not a "date" or anything but at least you get to know her more than the usual "hi." Also, be careful not to be her "friend" or it's finished for sure!!!

 

[bclarke675]

For a different take on all of this, my mom was engaged to another guy when my dad asked her to marry him and they eloped. My mom's grandmother was the one who clued my dad in that she wasn't really in love with the guy she was engaged to. She was going to settle for him, since my dad had gotten a job in Washington, DC for awhile, and didn't seem ready to get married. My parents have been happily-married for over 45 years, so it doesn't always follow that a woman who'll leave one guy for another will do it again. I think there's a lot to the idea that women tend to stay in a relationship until something better comes along.

 

[krd]

Originally posted by bclarke675:
I think there's a lot to the idea that women tend to stay in a relationship until something better comes along.

I hope you're right, because this way it wouldn't be such a major let down when a girl I like tells me she already has a boyfriend. Especially when she slips it into a conversation when I least expect it. That's what really irks me. It always seems more of a bombshell when you are talking about something completely unrelated and suddenly she says something like "Oh, that's what happened to my boyfriend once." I don't care about what happened to your stupid boyfriend!!

However I think it's easier to believe I've got more of a chance if I haven't met her boyfriend (unless of course he's a total geek, in which case, I have a clue about the kind of guys she goes for, and perhaps what she sees in me.) I guess I find it hard to believe that a girl would think I am good enough to be worth leaving their boyfriend for, especially if he's a cool guy (or one who's got facial hair or some sort of physique.) After all, I can't even get girls who don't have boyfriends to be interested in me (or maybe they do have boyfriends, but they just don't say anything about it).

 

[Sting]

There is nothing wrong with going after a girl that is in a relationship. If you wait for her to get out of the relationship, you will be waiting a long, long time, and will likely not be the guy that gets her.

Remember, if you are the boyfriend, it is YOUR JOB to keep a woman interested in you. If you do YOUR JOB, you have nothing to fear about her looking elsewhere.

 

[cottonmather0]

I gotta agree that if she's willing to dump him for you, then she'll be willing to dump you for someone else.

If she has a boyfriend - go find someone else! That's what this board is all about.

In certain situations however, i think it's perfectly acceptable to wait in the wings and try and ****** her when she becomes available - just don't be actively involved in getting her to leave him specifically because of your influence... Make sure that she knows you're interested, but DON'T let yourself become her "friend". Also make sure she doesn't think you're waiting on her or anything - date a lot and try and make it obvious to her that she's missing out, but enjoy yourself, too. Then, who knows, maybe you're the first one she calls when she dumps him - but at least you didn't encourage her to become a cheater. You waited her out until she realized that the "something better" had finally come along.

And anyway, if you're a true DJ, it's not going to matter to you one bit because you've already got scores of dates lined up in her place. If she leaves him - cool, you get a chance. If she stays with him, so what?

 

[krd]

Just figured I'd give you an update on that girl from school. I usually see her in the student's area, where she happens to work. This morning I was sitting there watching television when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look behind me and it's her. She smiles and says "hi" to me and walks away. Now I know this doesn't sound too extraordinary. But to me it has some significance, because rarely will girls ever do this to me. I'm the one who usually has to go up and to say hi to them. If they do say hi, I almost have to be looking right in their direction. In this instance, I actually was sitting down with my back turned. Gee, it's nice to have the roles reversed for a change.

Just the other day, I was waiting at the bus stop outside the school. Suddenly, I hear someone say hi(boy, this girl can really sneak up on you). I ask her what she's doing there, she tells me she's waiting to see if her boyfriend is coming around (I guess she usually meets him at that time). We have a brief conversation but have to end it because my bus is aproaching. Too bad I never got to see her boyfriend!

These are the most recent examples of what I've been talking about with this girl. But the question remains, why is she doing this? This is what I find so confusing about women. These kind of actions are definitely something I'd do to get the attention of a girl I liked. If it was a girl I wasn't interested in, I most probably wouldn't go out of my way like that just to say hi. However, I know she has a boyfriend, because she's brought him up in conversation. Is she just a very friendly girl? Or does she act this way toward everybody? I can't say I've known her long enough to be able to tell. Could she actually be interested in me? I've learned from previous experience to never get my hopes up too high on anything, but you never know. Imagine how great it would be if this time was finally different!

 

[Shinji Ikari]

Originally posted by krd:
Just figured I'd give you an update on that girl from school. I usually see her in the student's area, where she happens to work. This morning I was sitting there watching television when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look behind me and it's her. She smiles and says "hi" to me and walks away. Now I know this doesn't sound too extraordinary. But to me it has some significance, because rarely will girls ever do this to me. I'm the one who usually has to go up and to say hi to them. If they do say hi, I almost have to be looking right in their direction. In this instance, I actually was sitting down with my back turned. Gee, it's nice to have the roles reversed for a change.

Just the other day, I was waiting at the bus stop outside the school. Suddenly, I hear someone say hi(boy, this girl can really sneak up on you). I ask her what she's doing there, she tells me she's waiting to see if her boyfriend is coming around (I guess she usually meets him at that time). We have a brief conversation but have to end it because my bus is aproaching. Too bad I never got to see her boyfriend!

These are the most recent examples of what I've been talking about with this girl. But the question remains, why is she doing this? This is what I find so confusing about women. These kind of actions are definitely something I'd do to get the attention of a girl I liked. If it was a girl I wasn't interested in, I most probably wouldn't go out of my way like that just to say hi. However, I know she has a boyfriend, because she's brought him up in conversation. Is she just a very friendly girl? Or does she act this way toward everybody? I can't say I've known her long enough to be able to tell. Could she actually be interested in me? I've learned from previous experience to never get my hopes up too high on anything, but you never know. Imagine how great it would be if this time was finally different!

Watch out. Keep your expectations low. She's most likly another attention ***** who is totally coc|< teasing you. I've had stuff like that from a girl for the past 2 months and nothing will come out of it.

 

[Ripp3000]

Most woman don't like to be unattached for very long. So very often they will wait for a new relationship to start before ending another. If they are single it is often for a short period of time. Why wait for this window? You are just decreasing your odds of being in the right place at the right time.

Also, if a girl talks to you about her boyfriend or dating other guys, she might be testing you on how you will react. SHOW NO FEAR. Express your opinions and even take an interest in her social life. Just make sure she knows you are interested also. This shows her that you are confident and unafraid of the competition.


"Free your soul...And save my mind."-ST

 

[Chrispy]

Originally posted by Ripp3000:
Most woman don't like to be unattached for very long. So very often they will wait for a new relationship to start before ending another. If they are single it is often for a short period of time. Why wait for this window? You are just decreasing your odds of being in the right place at the right time.

Also, if a girl talks to you about her boyfriend or dating other guys, she might be testing you on how you will react. SHOW NO FEAR. Express your opinions and even take an interest in her social life. Just make sure she knows you are interested also. This shows her that you are confident and unafraid of the competition.


"Free your soul...And save my mind."-ST

VERY WELL SAID! I know it sounds LOGICAL to not "go after" girls who have bf's, as they may leave you but...look at the movie "The wedding singer" as an example. If it fits, and it's there, then what the heck? But an important differentiation is that it is better if

- you get the girl's (who is supposedly attached) interest, but don't go after her - this is especially effective if you are better looking, more interesting, pay more attention to her, etc. etc.

You're totally right. Many women look around other pastures. They are not all saints!! They want to choose the best and therefore the BF factor is a factor that is there but may go away. Besides, this area is yet another area to expand your possibilities.

 

[MrNasty]

Well for those who face that boyfriend dilemma, i got a story for you guys. It happened on this friday night: I was going to the bars to meet a few friends, get drunk and dance a little...My dorm is near the bars so i was walking. Also I should mention that i was dressed up very well. I had this very nice black sweater, black trousers and a pair of shiny black italian shoes... with my tan mediterranean skin and long black hair i can say that i was going for a kill...Anyways on the way this hot blonde was crossing the street, coming to my side… she asked me to walk her to the bar she was going.(Dressing up works lol)She held my hand (seems like an easy sorority chick right

Anyways she asks me if I was from germany, (what a dumb sorority chick, but who cares!!!) mentioning that her boyfriend was a german and he kinda dresses like me(boyfriend huh).. I tell her that I am from Cyprus… Then she starts talking about her boyfriend. I say sorry but I don’t really give a damn to that nazi boyfriend of yours and say her anyhow where the hell is your boyfriend on this Friday night leaving you alone in the bars …. She says this and that… Then I tell whatever and tell her you wanna have fun or what… so I ditch my pals and go dancing with this chick…(I don’t usually do this but she was damn hot, tall big goods, blue eyes … 9 out of 10). After all she asks for my number … I tell her that I don’t like to talk on the phone but I would probably be around here next week so if she wants to see me again she should show up here next week … Next week this chick shows up .. We dance again and then go to my room to watch a dvd, if you know what I mean…
A boyfriend is a boyfriend unless a cowboy with a bigger gun shows up!!!

 

[Keymaster of Goza]

"Ally, all the good ones are taken. If you don't steal them you don't get them"

Lucy Lu - Ally McBeal

Seriously, I wouldn't invest too much in trying to steal a girl who has a BF because the odds of success are generally pretty low.

If she is in an LTR that is on the rocks then sure I would make my interest known but keep in mind that while you might get some freaky sex for a while, most REBOUND relationships don't last more than a few weeks.

Hence its usually best to scope for girls who at least aren't in an LTR when you meet them.

 

[BigBill]

I always get flamed for this

but a boyfriend is not a serious relationship. The only exception is if they have talked and agreed that its an exclusive thing.

If not, then her 'boyfriend' is just some guy shes had a few dates with and possibly slept with. nothing more. It's stupid to try to judge how she would act with you or in a more committed relationship like engagement or marriage by whether she will leave a boyfriend.

I had a girl this week spring this boyfriend thing on me. I chose not to date her because the way she brought it up was she said she was strongly leaning toward going out with me but she felt guilty because her out of town boyfriend would be very hurt if she did.

I read that as meaning they have an understanding that their relationship is exclusive. If not he wouldn't give a damn that shes going out with me cause hes prolly doing the same. So I told her no thanks.

If she had just said something like well you should know that I also have a boyfriend out of town... totally different. That means she has a guy that shes dating and somewhat interested in, but shes still free from any commitments and can walk away from it if she finds better.

No problem. I thoguht thats why we have different levels of relationships in the first place, so you aren't practically considered married to someone just because you went on a couple of dates or fooled around.