"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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'The boxes' - Keeping yourself busy in a LTR

N

n52

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Think of things you do in your life and separate them into 7 imaginary boxes.

Got them?

Does your girlfriend, or seeing your girlfriend appear in 4 or more of these boxes?

Imagine your girlfriend ends the relationship with you, now those 4 boxes disappear. These boxes represent your life and what you do with it. If your 4 boxes are dropped, you are left with nothing to do and constantly plagued by the dreaded 'what if' 'should I just text her' 'wonder what she's doing right now'.

The boxes need to be the opposite way around. At least 4/7 boxes should include your OWN PERSONAL activities, may it be spending time with your friends/playing football/going to the gym. If you're spending alot of time with your girlfriend already this may be hard to come to terms with (for her mainly) but you need to do this in order to make sure you are constantly busy even if boxes are dropped by her, your life does not revolve around her.

I suppose what this method gets at is a visionary explanation of how your time is spent in your life and gives a bigger view on how much time you are really spending with your other half. I learned the hard way and doing this helps me plan out what I'm going to be doing in the bigger picture. If my LTR goes south, my world doesn't collapse because I have so many other things going on.

keep yourself busy as others have said before, have goals strive to achieve them. Spend time with your friends. Never feel bad for doing what you want to do with your life, and more importantly never let your woman make you feel bad because you're not spending enough time with her because you're doing things that need to be done not just to better yourself, but to also protect yourself from having nothing to do if anything were to go wrong as that is possibly the worst thing that can happen after the breakup. Your partner may not like it but if it keeps you sane that's the way it needs to be. I don't need to tell you what to do if she's unhappy with it...
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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TheCWord

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This is the stuff right here. Thanks, n52. Not just good wisdom but also a little exercise (the boxes) for homework. Repped as well.
 
S

Shivastorm_88

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Thank you sir! Good post.

I unfortunately lost a few of my boxes in January when I started my masters, seeing as I work full time, and am taking two classes, it's hard to have a social life. Hence, if I see it in terms of boxes, unfortunately it pretty much became:

1: Work
2: School
3: One day a week with friends
4, 5, 6 and 7: Time with girlfriend. It sucks to say, but I see that I spend way too much time with her. Most week nights we are together, and the whole weekend (except one weekend night where we are with our respective friends)

I had a box number 5, which was the gym, but I injured myself, so I'm out for two months. And I won't be going back (got a hernia, I don't want to risk it)

You, sir, have given me the drive to get new boxes. Once my injury is better, I was planning on picking up jogging (well we both wanted to run a half-marathon this year, so this will be done together). I will also get back to climbing once this semester is over (again, we do this together). Hence, I will need a new box alone.

1: Work
2: School
3: One day a week with friends
4: Outdoor climbing excursions with my other climbing partner (we were thinking of going rock climbing a week in Mexico)
5: Maybe if I have time, I can throw in a martial art I've been wanting to do for a while, twice a week
6: Time with girlfriend (including time spent at home, dates, hiking, etc.)
7: Training for half-marathon, twice a week
8: Climbing, twice a week

Blue = me, red = with girlfriend

That sounds about right
 
N

n52

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Shivastorm_88 said:
Thank you sir! Good post.

I unfortunately lost a few of my boxes in January when I started my masters, seeing as I work full time, and am taking two classes, it's hard to have a social life. Hence, if I see it in terms of boxes, unfortunately it pretty much became:

1: Work
2: School
3: One day a week with friends
4, 5, 6 and 7: Time with girlfriend. It sucks to say, but I see that I spend way too much time with her. Most week nights we are together, and the whole weekend (except one weekend night where we are with our respective friends)

I had a box number 5, which was the gym, but I injured myself, so I'm out for two months. And I won't be going back (got a hernia, I don't want to risk it)

You, sir, have given me the drive to get new boxes. Once my injury is better, I was planning on picking up jogging (well we both wanted to run a half-marathon this year, so this will be done together). I will also get back to climbing once this semester is over (again, we do this together). Hence, I will need a new box alone.

1: Work
2: School
3: One day a week with friends
4: Outdoor climbing excursions with my other climbing partner (we were thinking of going rock climbing a week in Mexico)
5: Maybe if I have time, I can throw in a martial art I've been wanting to do for a while, twice a week
6: Time with girlfriend (including time spent at home, dates, hiking, etc.)
7: Training for half-marathon, twice a week
8: Climbing, twice a week

Blue = me, red = with girlfriend

That sounds about right
Click to expand...
Glad it helped. I've been in that situation as well, probably 6/7 of my boxes were girlfriend time, we broke up and that was it I was ruined I laid in bed for days on end because I didn't know what else to do with myself. Was pretty pathetic tbh!

Thankfully mine have changed now and girlfriend time is 3/7 boxes which I find perfect with my routine, not too much and not too little. The best part is I can still fit in all my hobbies I.e Gym, going out with friends, working on the car etc. I feel it definitely helps because if you were to breakup, you still have a set procedure that you know to follow and helps you stop slipping into the afc grovelling stage!
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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n52

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Lotus Effect said:
As Cword Said, great post, and great exercise! +1 Repped!

I'm writing down the boxes right now on my blackboard!

Cheers! :up:
Click to expand...
Even better, writing them down. Good idea!
 
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