The best way to attract ANYONE

[thefonz]

I found myself getting lost in the whole self-improvement maze and feeling a little down and empty. I kept asking myself, how can I get people to do this or that? How can I make TRUE friends and not aquantances. I tried alot of the dj tactics like focus on your goals or practice ganji games. They worked but I just wasn't getting the connection with others I was looking for. . Maybe take up zen philosphies or something, the person who cares the least has the most power right? Well I started finding out that sometimes when you try not to care the other person will try not to care MORE, like a sick and twisted battle of apathy. I didn't like it.

Well a few days ago I had an epiphany in my relationships and it was so ****ing obvious I can't believe I was ignoring it. I was thinking back to my dj bootcamp experience and how during week 2 when I was starting my convos I got the best results from a store clerk I started a convo with and how in just talking for 7 minutes he offered me a free drink and half price on my items simply because I took the time out of my day to focus on HIM for a second. I talked about his son going to college, how he was struggling with his business etc. I didn't smile and nod or give off the 'appropriate body language'......I wasn't using him for my own needs or even trying to get anything out of him. For those 7 minutes I brought myself into his world. He smiled a huge smile and said, "Please, come back soon!"

This was an important skill I was unconsicously neglecting cus I was ALWAYS so focused on ME. I noticed if I was busy doing something, out of the corner of my eye people I knew wouldn't stop to talk to me cus they saw it more as a chore than a delight. The most popular people I know are the ones who bring out the best in others, those are the people who are constantly flooded with cellphone calls or invitations to go out. They have people stopping them on the streets to say 'hi' and have there choice of who they want to hang out with. Hell, people pay hundreds of dollars for someone to listen to them talk so if you can develop this habit you'll see a drastic improvement in your social life. Stop thinking about how you look and what you're doing right or wrong and just LISTEN to them.

Field tested......and approved.

 

[theory of knowledge]

interesting revelation...but exactly how did you develop your convo with the clerk so that he was able to reveal all this to you?

 

[Cruise]

I'm thinking he listened...



























could be mistaken though.

 

[S1NN3R]

This is one of the most basic elements in social interaction. Getting people to like you is often no more difficult than making them feel important while they are around you. If you just listen and let people talk about themselves, they will always feel more important, after all what is more important to a person tham him/herself? By listening attentively, you will get a reputation as a good conversationalist, without saying two words!

Also when doing this, apply some of the other related priciples. Use the person's name often. Nothing is sweeter to a person's ears than the sound of theri own name. Remember that name everytime you see them, use it everytime you see them, and they will remember you. I can get into more clubs in Vegas with no wait what so ever, just because I can walk up to the door host and say "Hey Ike, how you feeling tonight?" or "What's up Tina? What's the good word?" or some random crap like that. I don't care about their lives really, but they wouldn't know that for a second.

I want to say more, but I have SubWay getting warm so, maybe later....

 

[Jariel]

 

[noneother]

um, should you nod, reply with 'uh huh'/'yes'/'okay' while they talk or let them rant on til the end then reply...?

 

[Cruise]

um, should you nod, reply with 'uh huh'/'yes'/'okay' while they talk or let them rant on til the end then reply...?

I actually found that picking your nose and dosing off to fluttering butterflies really do the job...

 

[thefonz]

interesting revelation...but exactly how did you develop your convo with the clerk so that he was able to reveal all this to you?

It wasn't a revelation, just something that was under my nose that I was ignoring.

I remember I was just trying to get him to keep talking for 10 minutes, that's it. It's weird cus alot of my social phobias started to disappear when I focused on him because I didn't have to worry about myself or being defensive about anything. I was trying to connect with him just for the sake of connecting and not for personal gain of anything. To get in a 10 minute convo (which usually lasts longer than 10 minutes cus they don't want to stop talking). I spoke enthusiastically too I remember that.

No deepened voice, no 75 percent eye contact, no disagreeing just to show power......just listening and giving input.

It' so ****ing simple it's not even funny. But it does however require a little effort on your part to stay in the moment.

 

[john_1234]

this is an important aspect of juggler's method where it's all about having (or appearing to have) a sincere interest in the other person

 

[Ever onward]

this is an important aspect of juggler's method where it's all about having (or appearing to have) a sincere interest in the other person

I think you made a very important point. The key word here is sincere. Intention is important as well, such as are you trying to "give" to the conversation or "take" from the conversation.

Also when doing this, apply some of the other related priciples. Use the person's name often. Nothing is sweeter to a person's ears than the sound of theri own name. Remember that name everytime you see them, use it everytime you see them, and they will remember you. I can get into more clubs in Vegas with no wait what so ever, just because I can walk up to the door host and say "Hey Ike, how you feeling tonight?" or "What's up Tina? What's the good word?" or some random crap like that. I don't care about their lives really, but they wouldn't know that for a second.

See that is the type of suggestions I was looking for in that post about social status the other day. I think you and I just got caught up in splitting hairs.

 

[thefonz]

My field testing has shown me you really can't fake it, either you do or you don't. People are very perceptive and pick up on things about your behavior that you don't notice, unless you're a pro.

 

[floydtheater07]

Good job for sharing this man. A lot of the "tips" around here don't do much and really just make one into an arrogant *******.

I'm happy that someone is doing the right things.

Keep it up man.

 

[theory of knowledge]

i guess it works...but personally, i won't open myself up just like that to anyone, even a sincere person...i might make friends with him, but not talk non stop for 10 minutes about my life

 

[James Bondage]

Hmm... good topic, but I have to disagree slightly. I am generally a good listener naturally (whether this is good or bad I dunno) but I have always found generally when you show genuine interest in other people's lives.... THAT IS THE ONLY DAMN THING THEY WILL TALK ABOUT.

A girl I used to sit next to at work would talk and talk and f***ing TALK about herself to me all day long, purely because I had the 'decency' to show interest in what she was saying. Everyone else didn't care, so she directed all the stories of her life at me. Her birthday, her boyfriend, her engagement, her ex-boyfriends, the dinner party she was having, what she did at the weekend, etc, etc...

And I mean, I WAS genuinely interested (some of the stories were quite funny). But only, y'know, for so long. After a while...... enough!

Did she even ask once about ME? No. Did she care? No. I did try to slip a couple of anecdotes in about my OWN situation now and then.. to only be met with a display of such mild interest that I could tell it wasn't even worth the effort.

I have found this with countless people - they will happily blab about their OWN lives to you till the cows come home.. but very rarely will they genuinely take an interest in whats happening in YOUR life. You may get a polite 'uh huh', or a bored nod or two, but little more.

So while it is good to be a good listener as I agree you will make more friends that way, be careful not to spend ALL of your time listening to what other people want to blabber on about. Believe me, it gets old pretty quick.

 

[vorbis]

I get the same thing James Bondage. Some people do respond with questions about you but others are quite happy blabbing on without showing any interest in topics concerning you. ON a sidenote, if you're chatting up a girl and she's talking excitedly about herself but isn't interested when the convo switches to you, is this a good or bad thing?

 

[insanity]

thats why i don't bother with alot of people nowadays. i should be charging 50$ an hour just to listen to half these peoples problems. if it has to do with women then sure i don't mind listening, because we have all been there. but when it comes to money, i suck attitude. it's really draining.

i find the people who are worth talking to are the ones that sit beside you or when your standing around come and seek you. they are the ones interested in you and what you have to say.

the ones not worth talking to are the ones who give one worded answers.
alot of these people only respond to you if everyone else likes you. thats what i noticed.

 

[djbr]

Amazing tip!!!

 

[James Bondage]

ON a sidenote, if you're chatting up a girl and she's talking excitedly about herself but isn't interested when the convo switches to you, is this a good or bad thing?

Well I would call this a major red flag. She gets excited about what she is doing, but couldn't give a sh*t about me?! I wouldn't be hanging around for long.

 

[fireguy]

I agree with james bondage. I've allways been like this. Though it gets old an just annoying. The things I know about people...alot of crap I just don't want to know. You end up as an emotional sponge. Too much serious and heavy information for my taste. Although I still listen if they want to talk, cause it's an amazing emotinal releaf for them to get it off their chest and vent a bit to someone they trust.

The good thing is that I can get closer to a person and feel a better conection between us since we now have that bond of trust. Its a big thing to confess private thoughts to someone for the first time. What keeps you from becoming an emotional spondge is if you only listen to their sad crap once or twice. After that I avoid these negative subjects like the plauge.

 

[thefonz]

Did she even ask once about ME? No. Did she care? No. I did try to slip a couple of anecdotes in about my OWN situation now and then.. to only be met with a display of such mild interest that I could tell it wasn't even worth the effort.

I have found this with countless people - they will happily blab about their OWN lives to you till the cows come home.. but very rarely will they genuinely take an interest in whats happening in YOUR life. You may get a polite 'uh huh', or a bored nod or two, but little more.

I know what your saying, everybody does this whenever they get the chance (including everyone posting here). We are self-centered by nature. This tip really wasn't specified to chatting up girls or people you already know but people you're trying to feel more CONNECTED to. My guess is you wanted something in return from this girl, you wanted more attention on yourself to begin with. Part of being a good listener IMO is learning to subdue this desire to want your voice to be heard. It's all about being patient moreso than being strategic (ie. 'I'll let her talk for the next hour then I'll get my turn, usually doesn't work like that).

By the way, I'm not saying you should spill your guts to them on the first encounter about your feelings and what not. You don't need deep conversation about intense topics to develop a connection.