B
BeDJ
Guest
Midnight comes and I'm drunk and pretty horny. I texted my plates to see to get them to come by, but to no avail. Not tonight Mr. Hand.
I met this cougar in a meetup group, but never contacted her. I decided to send her a text at for the fvck of it. This led to some flirty sexting. I told her to come by with some liquor. 3AM she rings the doorbell with 2 bottles of vodka and chasers. We began to play blackjack for half shots and start getting pretty wasted.
Red flags:
- 17 year old son
- Much older than I am
- Chubby
- Recently divorced
She starts taking off my shirt, but I naturally did the push pull. Mainly thinking to myself, are you really doing this BDJ? Good thing for liquor, it helped cement my decision. I was horny and could not get a boner to save my life. I got up and took an Extenze pill. I thought fvck it #YOLO and popped in another one. I took off her dress and she was overweight by about 30 lbs. Nice tits and ass though. I undid her bra. Looked like you are dropping a water balloon while still holding the tip. I hoped the Extenze kicked in soon because I was going to need it. She began giving me head....OMG the feel was amazing. When I took off her pants, the mist of scrambled eggs and seaweed filled the air.
She wanted me to go down on her, which I usually didn't do, in this case, I would rather kiss a hot stove. She starts riding on top of me and those tits bounced, almost slapping her face. Her gut provided thermal cover for the lubrication she was producing. Her ass provided some padding to cushion her weight. She kept on cvmming all over my thighs as she moaned like grizzly stuck in a bear trap.
I was hard as hell, but not even close to jizzing. I flipped her over and entered missionary. It was Incredibly. Disgustingly. Wet. I took her hands and pinned them over her head. It felt like rolling a tractor tire with your stomach. Or thrusting a bean bag chair.
I told her I was going to fvck her in the ass. The last time was with my ex years ago. I still remember the sh!t particles left on my d!ck. I took 2 shots and got some baby oil. I was entering the unknown. It was like punching a straw through a grapefruit. My c0ck got harder and harder I was slowly entered her butthole. She was loving it. I was loving it. Until it smelled like a porta-potty. I grabbed a towel and took off the condom. She was hammered from the liquor and excercize, I knew she would hibernate soon. I told her to suck me off. Her head was off the bed as I was facing the bed and she started deepthroating me. I got my iPhone and watched some deepthroating scenes, it was pretty cool. She passed out, but I kept on going. Eventually I came in her mouth and fell asleep.
I woke up about an hour later and saw that she was laying nake on the tile floor. She must have knocked over some liquor as the floor around her was wet. My first thought was a dead prostitute lying in a puddle of booze. She got on her knees and stumbled like a zombie to the bed. I crashed on the futon. It was uncomfortable so I moved to the bed. She woke up in the morning and I was like HELL NO. She called me gay.
As I was cleaning up the puddle of booze, I realized she was trying to get to the bathroom and pissed all over herself.
The bitterness of poor standards remain long after you jizz.
I met this cougar in a meetup group, but never contacted her. I decided to send her a text at for the fvck of it. This led to some flirty sexting. I told her to come by with some liquor. 3AM she rings the doorbell with 2 bottles of vodka and chasers. We began to play blackjack for half shots and start getting pretty wasted.
Red flags:
- 17 year old son
- Much older than I am
- Chubby
- Recently divorced
She starts taking off my shirt, but I naturally did the push pull. Mainly thinking to myself, are you really doing this BDJ? Good thing for liquor, it helped cement my decision. I was horny and could not get a boner to save my life. I got up and took an Extenze pill. I thought fvck it #YOLO and popped in another one. I took off her dress and she was overweight by about 30 lbs. Nice tits and ass though. I undid her bra. Looked like you are dropping a water balloon while still holding the tip. I hoped the Extenze kicked in soon because I was going to need it. She began giving me head....OMG the feel was amazing. When I took off her pants, the mist of scrambled eggs and seaweed filled the air.
She wanted me to go down on her, which I usually didn't do, in this case, I would rather kiss a hot stove. She starts riding on top of me and those tits bounced, almost slapping her face. Her gut provided thermal cover for the lubrication she was producing. Her ass provided some padding to cushion her weight. She kept on cvmming all over my thighs as she moaned like grizzly stuck in a bear trap.
I was hard as hell, but not even close to jizzing. I flipped her over and entered missionary. It was Incredibly. Disgustingly. Wet. I took her hands and pinned them over her head. It felt like rolling a tractor tire with your stomach. Or thrusting a bean bag chair.
I told her I was going to fvck her in the ass. The last time was with my ex years ago. I still remember the sh!t particles left on my d!ck. I took 2 shots and got some baby oil. I was entering the unknown. It was like punching a straw through a grapefruit. My c0ck got harder and harder I was slowly entered her butthole. She was loving it. I was loving it. Until it smelled like a porta-potty. I grabbed a towel and took off the condom. She was hammered from the liquor and excercize, I knew she would hibernate soon. I told her to suck me off. Her head was off the bed as I was facing the bed and she started deepthroating me. I got my iPhone and watched some deepthroating scenes, it was pretty cool. She passed out, but I kept on going. Eventually I came in her mouth and fell asleep.
I woke up about an hour later and saw that she was laying nake on the tile floor. She must have knocked over some liquor as the floor around her was wet. My first thought was a dead prostitute lying in a puddle of booze. She got on her knees and stumbled like a zombie to the bed. I crashed on the futon. It was uncomfortable so I moved to the bed. She woke up in the morning and I was like HELL NO. She called me gay.
As I was cleaning up the puddle of booze, I realized she was trying to get to the bathroom and pissed all over herself.
The bitterness of poor standards remain long after you jizz.
Repulsively entertaining! *applause* 
