The Bar Date: a step by step of Why and How for GETTING LAID

[muscleman]

I don't normally do this as I consolidate all my tips into a single ongoing compilation thread in the Tips section, but I felt this one deserved its own for discussion. A lot of guys here ask about where to go/what to do on first dates with girls. Through trial and (lots of) error I found that the 'bar date' is the ideal, so I decided to write a somewhat lengthy piece on WHY it's superior to all other first date ideas as well as HOW to go about it for maximum success (getting laid) with minimal investment (time and money). % wise, over a long enough timeline and large enough sample, I haven't found anything that comes close.

You can read it here.

What have been your experiences with the bar date? Discuss.

 

[ARrocket]

Good post dude.

The bar date is my number 1 as well. Lately, I've been bringing all my dates to a bar down the street from me with a pool table. It's sort of a dive, but I like that because it's usually not very crowded, and and it's relatively cheap.

I live in the city and driving would be impractical, so I have them all meet me at the closest subway station. We talk to the bar, I always offer to get the first round, and we play some pool. THEN I sit down next to them, after a couple of games

I like the seed planting, I need to get better at that. A few weeks ago my roommate started a fire and almost burned the place down, so there's lot's of damage to be seen. Without thinking ahead too much, I told one girl about it, and it worked to my advantage.

Me: Come on, I'll show you the fire damage.
HB: Ok, let's go see it.

Now, I actually failed to seal the deal with that particular girl, but that's beyond the scope of this tip

 

[Mr. Bond]

Great read, muscleman. I also read your piece on overcoming resistance (Girl #53). Lot of gold here.

 

[CaConfused]

Also agree on not having step 1 my place. I understand the value, but I don't want them knowing where I live initially.

Also, for 1st online date, this will not work - just meeting at bar will suffice.

Love the post, though.

 

[Plutoman]

Or you have in my case, having them come to my place is a lose/lose when there's 13 people in my home and living with my parents.

Oh well. I would try for their place, or just play it by ear at that point, can't maximize my chances until I finish uni.

Besides that, good post, you've got a solid plan. It's not groundbreaking, but concisely put in an easy to understand process.

 

[Aristippus]

I never invite a woman to my place. I know nothing about her, and I'd prefer she not know where I live until I know that she's at least not the type that's gonna stalk me. So I prefer to meet them at a bar, usually someplace halfway.

I don't focus on kino too much during that first date. I work better being patient, focusing on the conversation and gauging her interest level. Does she revive the conversation during conversational lulls? How quickly is she drinking? Does she order another drink? Does she touch me? Does she allude to future dates? Laughs at my jokes?

Espi,

Definitely how I feel. I would never invite a woman I hardly know to my place. I actually LIKE doing this. I like to enjoy her physical touch and then I will reciprocate by getting closer to her and initiating a little touch myself. I like to get her worked up and for us to be in a situation where I keep slowly moving forward. Inching closer so that I'm within arms reach so she can reel me in if she wants to.

The idea is to get her so worked up that she wants to jump you and have her way with you, but to have enough obstacles in the way where you can move forward to a point but leave her wanting more. It builds up the sexual tension to a point where you can both hardly stand it and when you do sleep together, she will be begging for it.

I know, I can be cruel sometimes. hahahaha. Also, her talking about doing things with you on her own, without you bringing it up, is a good sign. If she talks about a place she enjoys that she'd like you to try or is hinting towards getting together at a future date. Maybe she says you should both get together again or that she'd like to take you to a certain bar or starts talking about traveling some place with you. She's already imagining spending time with you in the future.

 

[muscleman]

I, too, always schedule a bar date for the first encounter, and I've been doing this for the past several years. It's worked very well for me.

I never invite a woman to my place. I know nothing about her, and I'd prefer she not know where I live until I know that she's at least not the type that's gonna stalk me. So I prefer to meet them at a bar, usually someplace halfway.

I always pay for drinks. Just my belief.

I don't focus on kino too much during that first date. I work better being patient, focusing on the conversation and gauging her interest level. Does she revive the conversation during conversational lulls? How quickly is she drinking? Does she order another drink? Does she touch me? Does she allude to future dates? Laughs at my jokes?

At the end of the date, I walk her to her car and see if she's ready for the kiss-close. If she wants to be kissed, it'll be obvious. She'll maintain eye contact and her body will be positioned toward me. I've had a few one-night stands evolve from parking lot kisses, but mostly, we end the date with a kiss, and I hold off texting until she thanks me either later that night or the next day for a wonderful time, etc. That's my cue for proposing another face-to-face date.

I'm going to play devil's advocate. Why DON'T you focus on kino, knowing that it quickens the process to a lay? Given option A (same night lay) or option B (extending it to date 2/3, with moderate risk that those dates will never take place for some reason), it seems like you default to option B. Why?

Why avoid kino?

Why wait for a goodbye kiss?

Why wait afterwards to see if she texts you?

Seems very passive/retroactive to me.

Also agree on not having step 1 my place. I understand the value, but I don't want them knowing where I live initially.

Also, for 1st online date, this will not work - just meeting at bar will suffice.

Love the post, though.

Have you ever had any REAL issues with a girl knowing where you live? I've had stalkers, but I made it known very quick (sometimes under threat of violence) that I won't have them coming around unannounced. Then again, I also live in a nicer part of town where drama like that just doesn't fly.

As for online dates, I typically text for a while and get pics first or add them on Facebook before going on a date, but I don't care about giving out my address. It's almost matter of public record anyway.

----

My main point in the article is about SPEED and a near guarantee. Unless a girl has really high interest, in my experience date #2 rarely takes place if you don't at least attempt (or make it known) to seal the deal.

I'll take aggressive over passive any day, but maybe that's just me.

 

[muscleman]

It's unnatural to me to strategize touching a woman at a bar after initially meeting. I'd rather make her reach. I let her initiate the touching...I might reciprocate...or I might wait until she touches me a second time. Done that several times.

Lines, routines, alpha body language, tone of voice, etc are all 'unnatural'. By that definition, everything you learn is 'unnatural'. It's not an excuse, it just seems weird to you because you haven't internalized it yet.

Letting a woman come to you is a cop out because the moment you're competing with an alpha, you have no chance. Why? Because he's not going to wait for her to come to him, he's going to make the first move.

Kino is obviously effective, but not every girl's gonna be receptive to it on a first date. You can come off creepy, no matter how skilled you are.

EVERYONE is receptive to kino. Coming off as creepy happens when you escalate too fast. Properly gauging and checking for reciprocity is part of the skillset, which comes with time and practice.

Is saying hi and giving your date a hug when she first meets you creepy? But that's kino already.

I no longer go out expecting to get laid on the first date. Just ain't gonna happen for me.

Why not?

PS. you only get what you go for, nothing more. If you don't go for SNL, of course you won't get it.

 

[Plutoman]

I found that establishing my personality as a touchy person made it very easy to initiate kino without being creepy.

Once I started making a habit of not shying away from personal touch (ie, shoulder taps, for guys, too) and started acting naturally, it came off as part of my persona. If it feels natural to you, it's going to feel more natural to the girl, and she'll be receptive to it without feeling creeped out.

If you try to force the kino unnaturally, then of course it'll come off as creepy. I progress through elbow touches while talking, hand on shoulder, hand on back to guide her through a crowd/street/etc, to arm around her at some point, touching her hand to look at her nail polish (example), to holding her hand. A solid steady progression that comes naturally. Plan it the first couple times you practice it and it's unplanned from then on out.

At this point, I don't think about it - I'm just doing it. There's no plan involved. And that's after ~6-10 weeks of consciously changing it.

 

[Trump]

Espi,

Definitely how I feel. I would never invite a woman I hardly know to my place. I actually LIKE doing this. I like to enjoy her physical touch and then I will reciprocate by getting closer to her and initiating a little touch myself. I like to get her worked up and for us to be in a situation where I keep slowly moving forward. Inching closer so that I'm within arms reach so she can reel me in if she wants to.

The idea is to get her so worked up that she wants to jump you and have her way with you, but to have enough obstacles in the way where you can move forward to a point but leave her wanting more. It builds up the sexual tension to a point where you can both hardly stand it and when you do sleep together, she will be begging for it.

I know, I can be cruel sometimes. hahahaha. Also, her talking about doing things with you on her own, without you bringing it up, is a good sign. If she talks about a place she enjoys that she'd like you to try or is hinting towards getting together at a future date. Maybe she says you should both get together again or that she'd like to take you to a certain bar or starts talking about traveling some place with you. She's already imagining spending time with you in the future.

Bro you have the charm going on. The way you are describing sounds like she will have with you at the drop of dime, where its usually the other way around here.

Are you guys THAT good looking or good with girls that you are afraid a girl is going to immediately at the chance to come back to your place and jump your bones and then stalk you because she knows where you live? Wow. Either you are living in a place where the ratio of girls to guys is 10:1 or doing something we don't know. I've spent hundreds and hundreds on girls and they could care less if I was dead or alive.

Her talking about future activities don't mean much either, I'd rather her want to go back to her place and sleep with you right away. Actions is where it matters, not words.

- I've had girls say "I love you, I miss you, I can't live without you, we can skype, we can email, we can text."
Next day, no answer on any phone.

- I've had girls say "I will cook for you next time, you will love it."
Next day "My boyfriend is back and he will allow me to have sex with him, I just needed the good ego stroke from you."

- I've had girls say "No one has treated me like this, I'm really in love with you"
Next day "Can we go hang out with that drug guy we met yesterday, he was cool."

Maybe I'm too nice, but I just disconnect if they drag things out because I know they are getting plowed by the 6'1 boyfriend....

 

[muscleman]

I found that establishing my personality as a touchy person made it very easy to initiate kino without being creepy.

Once I started making a habit of not shying away from personal touch (ie, shoulder taps, for guys, too) and started acting naturally, it came off as part of my persona. If it feels natural to you, it's going to feel more natural to the girl, and she'll be receptive to it without feeling creeped out.

If you try to force the kino unnaturally, then of course it'll come off as creepy. I progress through elbow touches while talking, hand on shoulder, hand on back to guide her through a crowd/street/etc, to arm around her at some point, touching her hand to look at her nail polish (example), to holding her hand. A solid steady progression that comes naturally. Plan it the first couple times you practice it and it's unplanned from then on out.

At this point, I don't think about it - I'm just doing it. There's no plan involved. And that's after ~6-10 weeks of consciously changing it.

This. It has to be congruent with your personality. If being 'touchy' is 'unnatural' to you, make it natural. It takes some time, but eventually you internalize it and escalate kino without even realizing what you're doing. When I escalate now I'm only sometimes consciously aware of what I'm doing, and even then it's after I've already done it.

Bro you have the charm going on. The way you are describing sounds like she will have with you at the drop of dime, where its usually the other way around here.

Are you guys THAT good looking or good with girls that you are afraid a girl is going to immediately at the chance to come back to your place and jump your bones and then stalk you because she knows where you live? Wow. Either you are living in a place where the ratio of girls to guys is 10:1 or doing something we don't know. I've spent hundreds and hundreds on girls and they could care less if I was dead or alive.

Her talking about future activities don't mean much either, I'd rather her want to go back to her place and sleep with you right away. Actions is where it matters, not words.

- I've had girls say "I love you, I miss you, I can't live without you, we can skype, we can email, we can text."
Next day, no answer on any phone.

- I've had girls say "I will cook for you next time, you will love it."
Next day "My boyfriend is back and he will allow me to have sex with him, I just needed the good ego stroke from you."

- I've had girls say "No one has treated me like this, I'm really in love with you"
Next day "Can we go hang out with that drug guy we met yesterday, he was cool."

Maybe I'm too nice, but I just disconnect if they drag things out because I know they are getting plowed by the 6'1 boyfriend....

I can second this. Just from personal experience and looking at the bigger picture (vs. individual encounters), there's no guarantee of date #2. In fact, I found that unless you push HARD for SNL, your chance of date #2 is greatly diminished. Hell, even after you bang, even if it's a few times, it's no guarantee that the girl will want to continue seeing you. They just have too many options and you HAVE to take advantage of the situation when you can.

I can't tell you how many nights bartending I have wasted girls coming up to me who are DTF, THAT NIGHT, but I can't do anything because most of them don't want to hang around past close, then they sober up the next morning and that's the end of that.

At least that's my M.O., but if I'm out on a date with a girl I will pull out all the stops to bang her that night, otherwise there's over a 50% chance I won't see her ever again (a good % have taken 2-3 dates to put out, but still less than half).

We live in a day of instant gratification and inconsequential flaking. Get used to it. THAT'S the game of 2013.

 

[JohnChops]

Lines, routines, alpha body language, tone of voice, etc are all 'unnatural'. By that definition, everything you learn is 'unnatural'. It's not an excuse, it just seems weird to you because you haven't internalized it yet.

Letting a woman come to you is a cop out because the moment you're competing with an alpha, you have no chance. Why? Because he's not going to wait for her to come to him, he's going to make the first move.



EVERYONE is receptive to kino. Coming off as creepy happens when you escalate too fast. Properly gauging and checking for reciprocity is part of the skillset, which comes with time and practice.

Is saying hi and giving your date a hug when she first meets you creepy? But that's kino already.



Why not?

PS. you only get what you go for, nothing more. If you don't go for SNL, of course you won't get it.

YESSS! Muscleman thats gold what i bolded. all my friends say let them come to you but i always make the first move and score unlike them. fvckin +1 for that bold. if you sit around waiting for a girl to fall in your lap you wont get ****. its the people like you who go out and get numbers, set up dates, and get the lay that are really progressing with women, the ones reeping the true benefits of this site.

 

[Aristippus]

"They just have too many options and you HAVE to take advantage of the situation when you can."

**Do you think this guy was worried about women having too many options or do you think he had women throwing themselves at him?

http://youtu.be/mGrQTRcxdTo

Just sharing a different perspective.

 

[muscleman]

"They just have too many options and you HAVE to take advantage of the situation when you can."

**Do you think this guy was worried about women having too many options or do you think he had women throwing themselves at him?

http://youtu.be/mGrQTRcxdTo

Just sharing a different perspective.

No, because he's alpha. That's the whole point of this site and my writing - ultimately it's self improvement to a point where you become such a high value man that you have more women throwing themselves at you than you know what to do with? Sound impossible? It's not. But it's not easy either. Fame is still the #1 trait of the 'alpha 5' (wealth, status, fame, looks, game), but as you can guess it's the hardest to accomplish.

However, it's not like you can (or should) just avoid all women until you get to 'that' point (whatever 'that' point is for you). It's a slow, deliberate work in progress and on your way up you have to make do with what you have in front of you. The bar date - for most (since we're not all rock stars) - is a solid method of getting yours while, of course, spending most of your energy focusing on what matters: self improvement.