the babydaddy syndrome

[penkitten]

yes you know what im talking about now dontcha?

making this short and sweet:
we broke up before the baby arrived.
since then he has confessed his love however now has a gf that he isnt willing to part with.
he did however lie once and say they broke up to get in my pants.

since then, he complains about the gf and brags about how great it was with me. tries everything to make me jealous of her. *ok it worked*



now having said this, i do care about him and i do love him
what do i do from here?


i am currently trying to next him outta my head due to the fact that he isnt dumping the gf. he has been telling her great lies about me to piss her off and has created much drama that i dont want.

and yet i still want him go figure.


as brothers on this forum please tell me wtf is going on here ......
why is he lying about me to the gf? why does he always complain to me about her and keep bringing up how much i broke his little heart if he doenst want me back? and why is he always flirting with me etc etc ?

 

[Bungo Pony]

I'll be one to admit, drama is fun. It makes life interesting. It almost sounds like he's enjoying it. Unfortunately, you're involved in it.

My suggestion, since you have a child with him, is force him to keep everything business. Anything immediately related to the child is important. His new girlfriend isn't important, his d1ck isn't important. If you avoid as much of the drama as possible, it won't stress you out.

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by penkitten
however now has a gf that he isnt willing to part with.
he did however lie once and say they broke up to get in my pants.

since then, he complains about the gf and brags about how great it was with me. tries everything to make me jealous of her. *ok it worked*

now having said this, i do care about him and i do love him
and yet i still want him go figure.

Sounds like he's a pimp who should keep on pimpin'. Did you just come here to brag about him? He's doing everything exactly right, I don't see the problem here.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by penkitten
...why is he lying about me to the gf? why does he always complain to me about her and keep bringing up how much i broke his little heart if he doenst want me back? and why is he always flirting with me etc etc ?

because he found 2 stupid women that will allow him to fvck both of them even though they know about each other. Go into your bathroom and stand with your back to the mirror. Now look over your shoulder and see if there is a doormat sign on you back. You might want to go back to 4th grade and learn about birth control.

 

[Bungo Pony]

You might want to go back to 4th grade and learn about birth control.

Pregnancy (in most cases) takes two people. Therefore, both are responsible if the woman becomes pregnant. You can't tell me that he didn't know the consequences of having sex without a condom. Penkitten can't tell me she didn't know the consequences either. I don't know the events leading up to this pregnancy, but this is also his child, and he needs to take responsibility for it as well. Don't put the blame completely on her, when her "boyfriend" should share at least half of it.

Also, time cannot be turned back. Penkitten has to deal with this situation now. If he can't take responsibility for his actions, nor have any seriousness about the mother of his child, Penkitten's going to have to deal with it all on her own.

He's doing everything exactly right, I don't see the problem here.

Well, I sure as hell do. He's got a child on the way, and he isn't serious about it. He didn't make sure he was serious about her before tossing aside the birth control. There needs to be at least one person in the relationship enforcing birth control. If both parties slack off in this area, they both have to deal with the consequences. If he's not taking any responsibility, Penkitten has every right to legally ensure that he does. I've seen women who feel sorry for the guy and say, "well, I don't want him to feel stuck" and they end up carrying the burden of two people.

 

[Dark Nimbus]

Penkitten, I think it's a simple situation of having your cake and eating it too. He's stringing you along while sleeping with this other girl, and since you say it bothers you, but your actions indicate you're not doing anything about it, he'll continue to play these games until one of you two girls puts your foot down.

What this also does is keep you single because you're wasting your time thinking about him and getting jealous over his other girl, instead of meeting new men. He knows exactly what he's doing, and he's obviously doing it well. I know because I'm doing the same thing with a couple girls right now, except minus the baby.

I just revealed to this girl I've been sleeping with for a few months now that I'm chatting with other girls and they're interested in having sex with me. She went from being upset to saying I should count her in if a threesome is what I really want. It's amazing how easily girls can be manipulated when they're jealous, and how downright stupid they can be once they get emotionally involved or have something they've worked to get on the line.

My advice to you is figure out what YOU want, and make it clear to him you're going to date other men, if you aren't already. Jealousy works both ways and nobody values anything they can easily get unless they risk losing it. Having a kid together, he knows you're not going anywhere, so don't make it even easier for him to keep you around.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by Bungo Pony
Pregnancy (in most cases) takes two people. Therefore, both are responsible if the woman becomes pregnant. You can't tell me that he didn't know the consequences of having sex without a condom. Penkitten can't tell me she didn't know the consequences either. I don't know the events leading up to this pregnancy, but this is also his child, and he needs to take responsibility for it as well. Don't put the blame completely on her, when her "boyfriend" should share at least half of it...

good point, they are both idiots, unfortunately they have reproduced.

 

[Chewy Bagel]

Originally posted by penkitten
why is he lying about me to the gf? why does he always complain to me about her and keep bringing up how much i broke his little heart if he doenst want me back? and why is he always flirting with me etc etc ?

Here are my speculations (respectively):

To keep her from thinking that he's not banging you on the side.

To make you think that he wants out of his relationship and wants you back so you'll sleep with him.

He likes banging you.

In my opinion, he doesn't want you back -- However, he sure likes "getting the milk for free" from both of you

CB

 

[princelydeeds]

Re: Re: the babydaddy syndrome

Pen kitten You really are just pretending to be so naive right? I mean I can't imagine that a grown woman with a child could be so gullible. Its obvious he likes banging you. He also likes banging the other chick. Hes got the best of both worlds.

Im not in ur situation but you cant possibly be so blind. Is it really that hard to see the truth?

 

[penkitten]

just wanted to say thank you for everyone who replied to this post. especially to dark nimbus because he stated what i really needed to hear.

for an update** i have spoken to the other gal in the situation about this to fyi her on the situation and i am currently not speaking to him.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by penkitten
just wanted to say thank you for everyone who replied to this post. especially to dark nimbus because he stated what i really needed to hear.

for an update** i have spoken to the other gal in the situation about this to fyi her on the situation and i am currently not speaking to him.

gee, that was easy. i've got a revelation for you, your problems are just starting. what about the kid?

 

[true|hockey]

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick
gee, that was easy. i've got a revelation for you, your problems are just starting. what about the kid?

seriously, refocus your efforts onto your newborn child, rather than some guy who obviously is scared of real commitment. Raising a child being a single mother will not be easy, this I know for a fact firsthand ( no I am not a single mother).

good luck with that

 

[FratAndDiddy]

no. 1 focus = kid
no. 2 focus = you