The Art of Conversation

[pinhas]

How do I master that skill?

My game is slowly and steadily advancing; was a great year for me so far, and I made a huge progress since I found this site.

There are still many things I need to learn, but right now I feel that my biggest sticking point is the seemingly simple “art of conversation”.

I am horrible with small talk/fluff talk; I hate having pointless conversations and I am really lacking at starting and maintaining light hearted banter. My biggest reason for not approaching much is the fact that I just don’t know what to say and how to continue the interaction.

There are days when I am on fire and I can keep my mouth shut; controlling the group, but these are too rare and they seem random.

I really need help with this; it’s something that really bothers me, and it’s not only about the girls, just random, small talks with co-workers or just people that you cross in the day to day are a chore.

Going to bars I always see guys and girls talking, whispering in each others year, bantering and I just stand there and think what the hell are they talking about? I am smart, educated, worldly and I know that I have a lot to offer in the form of life stories and experiences, I just cant seem to flush it all out into a funny, charming easy going conversation.

Can you suggest any books, audio tapes, exercises or anything that will help me learn how to have become a good conversationalist?

 

[Ease]

ME TOO bro

 

[FairShake]

Read alot and write things down. That will help you build rapport and find commonalities.

Then pay attention to how people make eachother laugh. It's not by being incredibly witty and interesting though. It's usually by being sarcastic and self-deprecating. Try it out and don't focus on when it doesn't work. Focus on that you're in the mix and trying to get better.

 

[pinhas]

Humor and laughing are actually my strong points; its the "regular" convo that im having issues with. Ill tease a girl and we will laugh and paly hit each other, but then once that is over I can think of anything to say and further the conversation. Sometimes its a stream of jokes and negs, but not a lot of actualy talking. I also tend to fall into the "interview" trap, question after question; I know its bad but i cant think of anything else to talk about.

 

[john_trenor]

What many guys don’t know is that physical contact and touching are absolutely vital to seduction. You can’t successfully pick up a girl without first establishing a basic level of mutual tactility – i.e. interaction based on touch.

Before you can move in for the kiss or the sack, you MUST first establish a healthy, regular amount of touching that works both ways: she flirtatiously puts her hand on your knee, you encircle her waist with your arm and pull her a little closer. Whatever form the physical contact takes, it has to be present for you to achieve your final goal of actual seduction.

But you may ask yourself, “how can I get the ball rolling when it comes to touching and physical closeness? If the girl’s not being physically flirtatious, how can a guy develop mutual physical intimacy without freaking her out or scaring her away?”

That’s a good question. Especially since guys often just “go for it” and consequently end up making the girl feel uncomfortable… or even slightly violated because of their rushed attempt at physical intimacy. That’s one extreme.

Some men, on the other hand, decide they don’t want to risk putting a girl off, so hold back any kind of touching or bodily contact. Well, doing so usually sends the wrong message – that the guy is either too timid to show his interest in the girl, or that he’s not interested in her to begin with. Neither of the two are attractive scenarios in the mind of a good looking, fun loving girl.

 

[WhatdoyoumeanAIDS]

This isn't something that works overnight, but I think you should consciously try and talk to more people, especially new people you wouldn't ordinarily talk to. They don't have to be people you'd pick up, it's just about getting comfortable talking to strangers. If your in it for the long run like me, it might be of some help.

 

[MrP]

I remember a video I saw on this.

Whenever you feel the urge to say "cool" or "that's nice" or something like that, just ask her about what she just said.

How does that make you feel?
Why is that?
How did that happen?
What do you like most about...?

 

[oscarxp25]

I used to suck at conversing with anyone, let alone girls. My dad is a very shy guy so I never learned all this stuff. One word that I keep in my mind...CONNECT... Anything she says, try to connect it to a question..


Example

You: I was looking for a place to vacation next month. I hear Miami is good, but my friends want to go to Alaska.

If she says Miami, ask when she was down there last. Has she ever been to Alaska? Where is her favorite spot to vacation? What was her favorite vacation she went on? Is she a beach girl..which can connect to you asking her to hang out at a beach...if you live near one.

Dude, it took me YEARS to master this stuff, hell, I am still learning, but you will get it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People