The after-sale experience

[Silkandsteel]

Hey all,

I've just reg'd here, I really love this site it's great.

I thought I would bring something to the table that I've been pondering the last few weeks and see what kind of input you guys have. My thoughts have been based around the dynamics of challenge AFTER the initial attraction phase is established.

We know challenge is required to keep things ticking over nicely in the IL department, but I wondered what thoughts you all had on how challenge should be used once things begin to settle. So let's say you've met, dated for say 2-3 months, things are still looking good and you've made a decision to keep this lady for the longer stretch.

You want to maintain the high IL she has in you BUT you also need to make sure it's clear to her that she's got that something that's keeping you with her: what changes or tweaks does your level of challenge need now, if any?

I ask this from the point of view that a lot of the discussions are based on initial attraction and everything that goes with that...so, I'm positioning this as AFTER that point but BEFORE any major commitment steps are brought into play.

Bottom line: Should challenge be modified in some way? you want her to want you but you don't want her to doubt that you do too. Thoughts?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Don't be predictable, and continue to do the things that created attraction in the first place. The game of hide-the-ball with your emotions never stops. As soon as you show all your cards, you become predictable and boring.

 

[Silkandsteel]

I'd go along with that. Would you say that rule applies to ANY women? This is based on her being of sufficient self-worth and, for all intents and purposes: normal. What about more the insecure types? be it too up on themselves or too down? can this principle be applied successfully with any women you think?

 

[kyphan]

I've always viewed my goal here as creating and living a way of life. Sure, if things progress and you spend more time with her things are going well. Make sure you do not drop the rest of your life for her - that is the clearest sign of no longer being a "challenge." Keep your interests, hang out with your friends, and continue to find new things in life that you wish to pursue. It's that simple.

 

[Silkandsteel]

Yes, I think that as long as you maintain the level of independence you had in the beginning, then challenge should be a natural thing to maintain. You want to live your separate lives "together", in parallel. It's healthier for one thing, familiarity breeding contempt, etc.