The 7 most common mistakes shy guys make with women

[Monster]

good stuff!

 

[Sofomore]

Great post! Really defined a lot of my mistakes as a shy guy. Time to go out and meet people!!

 

[Blue Phoenix]

AWESOME article.

Mistake 6: They hesitate and try to look for signals before approaching a girl or before asking her out.

I do have problems with number 6. Maybe I play it too safe here.

 

[entgs2]

Holy crap, dude. I'm guilty as charged on every single one of these mistakes. The question now is, what to do about it?

 

[legolas]

Holy crap, dude. I'm guilty as charged on every single one of these mistakes. The question now is, what to do about it?

Hey man, you didn't have to quote the whole post to write a 2 line reply The way I did it was by changing my mindsets and switch them around. If you have a specific question post it here and I'll do my best to anwser it.

 

[entgs2]

Hay man, you didn't have to quote the whole post to write a 2 line reply The way I did it was by changing my mindsets and switch them around. If you have a specific question post it here and I'll do my best to anwser it.

Hi, I edited the quotation out. The biggest problem for me is getting stuck in the cycles:

Feel depressed, and blame it on not having women.
That depression turns into lack of self esteem.
Project that lack of self esteem into trying to get girls interested.
Fail.

I've never had any sort of success with women, and am really stuck as to how to break out of this loop. You suggested starting with the mindsets, and while I know those things on a conscious level, they haven't been internalized.

Thanks for writing such a great post. To be honest, it kinda hurt to read it, because it was just so spot on.

Edit: fixed an embarrasing typo.

 

[legolas]

Here's the deal bro. You want to be happy. You don't want to be depressed. Nobody does. However, you're looking for happiness in external things, women, material possessions, etc. I want you to shift your focus internally. What sorts of things make you happy intrinsically? What kinds of things would you do all day long if you had all the time in the world, and you didn't have to worry about money? What kinds of things do you find exciting?

That's the first step. Identifying your passions. The next step is figuring out how to give value to others without expectation of anything in return. It's not as hard as it sounds. If you enjoy building websites for example, find someone locally whom you can help by building their site for free. Remember, for you building sites is intrinsically motivating and self-satisfying. You'd do it all day long and for free. In the process, you will learn what it means to give value to others instead of trying to take value from them.

For me the biggest mindset switch was from trying to take value from others to giving them value for free and not expecting anything in return. It's kinda what I'm doing here since for me, I find it very exciting when I help a guy out and he changes his life. To me that is the greatest satisfaction and my way of giving back.

 

[zekko]

For me the biggest mindset switch was from trying to take value from others to giving them value for free and not expecting anything in return.

An admirable thing to do, and an interesting approach to take. I know you're not specifically talking about women, but I can't help but notice how that goes against a lot of the advice given here; going to a woman and trying to give her value without expecting anything in return.

Usually the emphasis on this forum is on neutralizing the woman's value, and on what you can get from her. Your idea reminds of the approach where if you make her feel good, then she will associate that feeling with you. Pretty much the exact opposite of the "negs" approach.

 

[legolas]

The typical approach here is to neutralize a girl's value and neg them. Only someone who's insecure and thinks of themselves as low value will try and neg the girl to drop her off the pedestal. Just look at leaders in general. They make things better for everyone.

Even the whole idea of doing things for her, as Donjuandicarlo points out comes from the mindset of "she's better than me so I have to do things to keep her locked up with me" I'm not suggesting to be a clown and only do good things yourself. I'm saying don't do them with the purpose of getting something back, but if she's not doing things for you in return then she's not worth it. An no you're not gonna have a festival every day.

 

[zekko]

The typical approach here is to neutralize a girl's value and neg them. Only someone who's insecure and thinks of themselves as low value will try and neg the girl to drop her off the pedestal.

I read about all these techniques with great interest when I first started getting interest in the seduction community. But as time goes on, I start to resent the idea of all these gimmicks and would just rather be myself. I like teasing, it fits nicely into my personality, but I'm not big on negs.

 

[Acq]

lol what a GREAT post! so painful to read so much about my old self, and even some of my present self which Im working on hard.

This however sounds a bit familiar and reminds me of an old oneitis.

You neg her to take her off her "pedestal" and she will be attracted to you because she will want that validation back. Then you give it to her piece by piece as you escalate to the bedroom

As a shy guy, oneitis was my WORST enemy during school/univercity. Here is how a mind of a shy guy/a guy with a low esteem handled that "very special" girl.
Since I lacked self esteem I never realized that I had the basic qualities women look for: I made more than average $, average looks, had a nice car etc.
So I saw that girl and thought wow, holy crap, blah bah you know the story.

I never read any PUA books so it was my natural instinct that told me to ignore her hoping she would not notice that I like her and my oneitits would pass on itself. Unfortunately she did notice and figured all out in a second. The more I ignored her (to shake her OFF from my life), the more attention I got from her, to the point of ridiculous.

Improving myself with women has been a lifelong struggle which Im winning slowly but steadily and again, it hurts me to read this thread because it reminds me of myself so much,+ realizing how much time I lost and realizing how unfortunate I have been to be born in a fvcked up family where my mother AND my father both suffer from the narcissistic personality disorder, and passing the desease to their kids.

 

[Solomon]

Number 6

Whether you are shy or not is universial
It makes the Game very easy
Legolas what you know about the mack game? lol
you spitting some truth up in here
I like it, even if you aren't shy this is a key to gauging high IL

Compliance mother****as

read it up

http://www.bristollair.com/inner-game/understanding/compliance-and-value.html

peace

 

[starfishandcoffee]

you da man

 

[legolas]

Number 6

Whether you are shy or not is universial
It makes the Game very easy
Legolas what you know about the mack game? lol
you spitting some truth up in here
I like it, even if you aren't shy this is a key to gauging high IL

Compliance mother****as

read it up

http://www.bristollair.com/inner-game/understanding/compliance-and-value.html

peace

Funny you should post that link up because it's exactly that article that turned me inside out. I'd sit there looking for signs, looking for signs, when in reality only one "sign" mattered. Compliance. It saved me

 

[legolas]

Quick update...

You can read this article and others like it on my new blog: http://artfulseduction.com

 

[Jariel]

Great post! I used to make most, if not all of these mistakes and gradually overcame them after spending a lot of time on this site.

I really like the first analogy with the car. Never seen it put like that before, but I believe that must be very much how women feel.

 

[Strat]

I feel like I was just handed a golden key. Wow, this is good stuff. I gotta study this a bit....

Impressive, thanks.

 

[legolas]

I feel like I was just handed a golden key. Wow, this is good stuff. I gotta study this a bit....

Impressive, thanks.

Glad I could help. Btw, I wrote another post on shyness on my blog.