That guy

[MaddXMan]

At times in my past I have been that guy, who comes out on top and gets the girl. Today I am not, and got dumped via text message. Sucked because I liked her. She wrote an epically long message that I was so wonderful but couldn't in good conscience be seeing 2 people she "cared about."

I just replied, "that sucks babe, that was some good *****."

3rd summer in a row I have a short summertime romance but get dumped because I guess they don't see long term material. Sucks sometimes.

 

[TheCWord]

There is a discussion going on about this in the DJD forum.

There seems to be some concern that the attributes we develop by reading SS might be precluding us from becoming LTR material for women.

 

[MaddXMan]

There is a discussion going on about this in the DJD forum.

There seems to be some concern that the attributes we develop by reading SS might be precluding us from becoming LTR material for women.

I don't know man. I get dates, I get laid. But no girlfriend wants to stick around long. Something is broke and I have to figure it out.

 

[Desdinova]

I seem to have the same kind of "luck" for the summers. They just don't stick during the warmer months. During the winter, they stick around. It might just be a wet/dry spell you're going through unless it's been consistent for like a year or so. When you see a common denominator in your failure, then you need to find the source of the problem and fix it.

 

[instantnoodles]

I don't know man. I get dates, I get laid. But no girlfriend wants to stick around long. Something is broke and I have to figure it out.

No normal girl wants a Player or "the ultimate Alpha Guy"

Don't you know the traits of an Alpha? Does that look attractive to a girl? Any girl attracted to the most Alpha guy out there must have some mental issue or not a self-respecting person. Obviously he has to have some "beta" traits, believe it or not.

 

[( . )( . )]

No normal girl wants a Player or "the ultimate Alpha Guy"

Don't you know the traits of an Alpha? Does that look attractive to a girl? Any girl attracted to the most Alpha guy out there must have some mental issue or not a self-respecting person. Obviously he has to have some "beta" traits, believe it or not.

Your lack of tingles on paper doesn't really carry over to real world scenarios though does it.

Passover's still using the "must be mentally unstable" defense in lieu of top tier male rejection I see.

 

[LorenzoVonM]

Any girl attracted to the most Alpha guy out there must have some mental issue or not a self-respecting person.

This is a joke right? I have girls of all ages and backgrounds creaming on my newsfeed daily for celebrities.

OP if you get enough of these, have acted in an Alpha way, and are not needy when they fly away, many will come back when they dump their new borefriend when he makes her dry up.

 

[MaddXMan]

This is a joke right? I have girls of all ages and backgrounds creaming on my newsfeed daily for celebrities.

OP if you get enough of these, have acted in an Alpha way, and are not needy when they fly away, many will come back when they dump their new borefriend when he makes her dry up.

It's a pride thing, I don't want them to come back.

The common denominator is they have been recently divorced women.

I tell myself not to get involved with anyone not a year out of a divorce, so it's my fault.

They all say a variation of, "this is my time, I just want to have fun and not anything serious."

I say, hey I'm your guy! I like to move slow anyway.

Then they leave and instantly get into a LTR with some other dude. It's like I am used as a springboard for them to get back into the dating game. But instead of "dating" they get into an exclusive LTR with someone else (note this may not be true since I don't keep contact and have no way of knowing how long their LTR is).

Like another thread here, heavy petting, 3rd base, even sex does not mean I am in.

Never believe a recently divorced chick (less than a year divorced) who says they just want to have fun and not get serious.

They really do want to get serious, probably as a way to "get back" at their ex and show they can easily meet someone else.

Seems I do most of the stuff right, but get left behind.

There was one telling exchange with recent chick last weekend, right before we had sex. She said "I think you're too nice for me to date."

I said why do you say that?

She said "Because don't you feel like you always have to solve other people's problems, like you do at your job?" (I'm an employee relations specialist).

I said no that is just when I am on the clock. In my personal life I don't want to hear anyone's problems.

She said "who do you talk to when you need to talk to someone, your best friend?"

I said no, I keep it to myself and figure it out myself. My friends and I don't sit around and talk about our personal issues.

Which is true. But I think she had a preconception and it was a damned if I do, damned if I don't thing. When ever she touched on her recent divorce issues I quickly changed the subject and NEVER got into any heavy discussion with her about it. So I don't know what she was getting at.

Probably just not interested, and just wanted to ****, and I was a guy she felt comfortable with.

 

[Scormus]

On some level they are all serial daters I am beginning to think. "LTR" guy wakes up one day in the same boat as you.

I am beginning to think a relationship can only last if the woman is getting such a lopsided deal that she could clearly do no better.

 

[MaddXMan]

Another thing with these recently divorced women: They have all been loaded, $ from child support. They are still in the "family home" and have custody of the kids.

These women clearly have had an ex who did well. They are my age or close to, and have custody of the kids, who are in their teens.

And well, that child support is only going to last for another 5 years or less, so they seek a guy who can continue that lifestyle, and I'm middle class.

That's my hunch anyway.

 

[instantnoodles]

This is a joke right? I have girls of all ages and backgrounds creaming on my newsfeed daily for celebrities.

OP if you get enough of these, have acted in an Alpha way, and are not needy when they fly away, many will come back when they dump their new borefriend when he makes her dry up.

Not really but for me, it's not something care too much about. Yes he should have some alpha qualities but not until you're fcked up, I pretty much lose attraction to that.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I don't know man. I get dates, I get laid. But no girlfriend wants to stick around long. Something is broke and I have to figure it out.

What you have is both a blessing and a curse. The blessing part is that you can probably can get casual sex from women quite easily. The curse is that you are not seen as relationship material. One usually come with the other. Guys who are seen as relationship material usually cannot get casual sex easily because women use sex as a bargaining chip with them and try to withhold it as long as possible to reel the "relationship guy" in.

 

[floydb25]

Hmmmmm... sounds like you might actually BE LTR material, and they don't want that... at least not as is, or right away. Them saying you're so wonderful and too nice and wanting to be "free" and communicating deeply with you is giving off alarm bells. Used to get this, too, and was used as a placeholder or rebound or backup AFTER they initially came on super strong. I was "very attractive", they wanted to ****, but no one wanted a relationship. I, however, did. I think they can sense when someone is a nice guy or LTR material or is in relationship / desperation mode, and they bail.

One thing I used to do was seek after broken / damaged girls who were still not over their ex, or just broken up, or on the rocks, or bat**** insane with baggage and turmoil everywhere, and tried to fix / save / pursuade them into being in an LTR with me - when they weren't in that mode, and were pretty much "bad" as a result of their experiences. Make sure you're not doing this, or seeking out non-LTR girls to be in an LT with. Don't get caught up in this ****, and think you can out-do the last guy they're complaining about by being perfect and awesome. Don't save damaged bishes who just got out of LTRs, and try convincing them to be with you. All you get is baggage and complaining and emotional unavailability.

Sounds like you're doing what I used to do. You might also be giving off player / bad boy / easy lay, DTF with no substance signs. Had this problem, as well. The girls specifically sought after me for this reason - then lost interest once I wanted more.

Just some ideas... be careful with the vibes you give out, and how you present yourself, and who you're seeking after.

 

[MaddXMan]

Hmmmmm... sounds like you might actually BE LTR material, and they don't want that... at least not as is, or right away. Them saying you're so wonderful and too nice and wanting to be "free" and communicating deeply with you is giving off alarm bells. Used to get this, too, and was used as a placeholder or rebound or backup AFTER they initially came on super strong. I was "very attractive", they wanted to ****, but no one wanted a relationship. I, however, did. I think they can sense when someone is a nice guy or LTR material or is in relationship / desperation mode, and they bail.

One thing I used to do was seek after broken / damaged girls who were still not over their ex, or just broken up, or on the rocks, or bat**** insane with baggage and turmoil everywhere, and tried to fix / save / pursuade them into being in an LTR with me - when they weren't in that mode, and were pretty much "bad" as a result of their experiences. Make sure you're not doing this, or seeking out non-LTR girls to be in an LT with. Don't get caught up in this ****, and think you can out-do the last guy they're complaining about by being perfect and awesome. Don't save damaged bishes who just got out of LTRs, and try convincing them to be with you. All you get is baggage and complaining and emotional unavailability.

Sounds like you're doing what I used to do. You might also be giving off player / bad boy / easy lay, DTF with no substance signs. Had this problem, as well. The girls specifically sought after me for this reason - then lost interest once I wanted more.

Just some ideas... be careful with the vibes you give out, and how you present yourself, and who you're seeking after.

Thanks

Ya recent chick I did not seek out as damaged goods.

I met her in April. Asked her how long she was divorced, she said her and her ex just signed the paperwork 4 months earlier...she quickly added that the marriage was effectively over for the last 3 years, still that was a BIG RED FLAG and I proceeded regardless, and got burned.

Avoided any deep convo with her. Never even asked her why the ex and her split. Didn't care. No interest in saving her from anything. Yet she thought I was someone who "always wanted to solve problems."

Oh well, she is gone, for a few reasons related to me, other reasons related to her preferences. She did say she liked guys older than her (I was younger). I'm done beating myself up about it.

Just sucks because I let 2 other plates drop because of her now I have to ramp up from ground zero again.

But what I need to quit doing: I meet these girls I vibe instantly with. Everthing is great from the get-go. I think I'm so awsome I don't need to play the game. Big mistake. I started visiting this site again this summer when I met recent chick. The idea was to get refreshed on tips. Instead I wasted it reading unrelated threads, when I should have been reading the DJ Bible.

 

[Alvafe]

maddmax from my experience with a woman who was recently divorced, and from what I saw her do the most was, she wanted to do EVERYTHING she couldn't when she was younger and that means getting several guys in bed and i'm sure I don't know even half of things.

maybe you problem is get recently divorced woman and wanting anything more serious then some **** buddy, try to find younger woman or ones with more time as divorced and see if things go diferent

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

No normal girl wants a Player or "the ultimate Alpha Guy"

Don't you know the traits of an Alpha? Does that look attractive to a girl? Any girl attracted to the most Alpha guy out there must have some mental issue or not a self-respecting person. Obviously he has to have some "beta" traits, believe it or not.

Guess you really are a woman.

What you have is both a blessing and a curse. The blessing part is that you can probably can get casual sex from women quite easily. The curse is that you are not seen as relationship material. One usually come with the other. Guys who are seen as relationship material usually cannot get casual sex easily because women use sex as a bargaining chip with them and try to withhold it as long as possible to reel the "relationship guy" in.

Right on.

I was trying to make this point in an earlier thread. They put you in a category: **** buddy or possible relationship. You could be a d1ck headed a$$hole who can't keep a job and would be terrible father to her kids.(not saying you are OP) But that doesn't mean she doesn't want to fvck you. She just doesn't want an LTR. If she sees you as potential LTR material then she's most likely going to make you wait a little while.

If a guy wants to be in a relationship with a girl who has sex on the first date then, to a girl, that comes across as beta. Even if it's them! By making a guy wait they are setting up the future relationship. It's not a power issue, it's more as a set of rules. She needs to be able to respect you....she can't do this if you're trying to turn a ONS into a girlfriend.

 

[floydb25]

maddmax from my experience with a woman who was recently divorced, and from what I saw her do the most was, she wanted to do EVERYTHING she couldn't when she was younger and that means getting several guys in bed and i'm sure I don't know even half of things.

maybe you problem is get recently divorced woman and wanting anything more serious then some **** buddy, try to find younger woman or ones with more time as divorced and see if things go diferent

Agreed... and had the same problem with these "recently independent" women. At the same time, when they're not looking to get tied down, are in distress, acting crazy, wanting to play the field, fiercely independent, not giving for ****, etc is when we want them most... and vice versa for them with us. A lot of times, we want to be the savior, too, and give them the best relationship ever, and have them choose us, because we're THAT awesome... of course, now that they don't want one, and couldn't care less about anyone.

Whatever... Attraction is ****, and I hate you all. :flowers:

 

[MaddXMan]

Yeah tonight that voice in my head is ****ing with me.

See, recent chick was a gym warrior and had a TIGHT body. At 47! That's rare. Plus she was Asian and looked perpetually young. The voice is saying man, you're gonna go a long time to find another like her. If ever. Making desperation creep.

Thank god I deleted her number so I don't send her a chump message.

But the voice says, go to your last contacts backup on iCloud, try to get her back......

No not gonna do it!